This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Are there any others here ...

... who truly do not want to date?

... who do not feel a need to date?

... who believe they can be content alone?

There's a vibrant discussion going on over in the "For those who have dated" Forum that I have enjoyed reading. I am genuinely happy for those who have found new loves or new friendships and have found new joy in those relationships. I'm one who doesn't believe there is a set amount of time before you can feel ready to allow someone else into your life. If it happens soon, then it was meant to be and it is wonderful. It has absolutely no bearing on how much you loved the one you lost.  So this discussion I'm adding is not in anyway judgmental. It doesn't matter how long 'out' you are, how long you were married, whether you are young or old, have young kids or none ... it's a personal decision that is ours and ours alone to make.

HOWEVER, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here in Widville who just doesn't see myself ever dating and I'm ok with spending my remaining years alone.  Just wanted to offer a voice for those who might have a different point of view.

Views: 21644

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi - thank you so much again - I...wanted this week to be "perfect."  both kids at home, off from know how it is....

Dr. Who - absolutely huge fan since age 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Favorite Timelord, is, of course, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Tenant, and yes, Matt Smith.  Capaldi is good too.)

Oooh Tom Baker, I had such a crush on him. Scariest episode ever, though, when the Weeping Angels first appeared.

Well that's understandable!

Mine was on Nicola Bryant (Peri)...and Tegan.

Yes, the Weeping Angels...absolutely.  Absolutely up there with the best villains! (I still prefer the original two Masters though too)

Timelord.... My 17-yr-old granddaughter is staying with me for a while, and I can relate a bit to what you are going through with your daughter.  That age is so tough on the kids and their parents... and grandparent, in my case!  Sometimes my granddaughter is downright rude to her 70-yr-old grandmother (me.)  It's hard to know how to deal with that and still maintain a good relationship with her, and her parents.  It would be so very different if our spouses were still with us!!

Thanks!  It is a rough lose one's mom at 14...

Ok so maybe this is because my loss is very recent but I don't see myself ever dating again either. It would just be weird. Also, about 4 years ago my grandmother passed away. I didn't know this until after she passed but come to find out she too was widowed young. My grandfather was actually her second husband, her first husband died in world war 2. This made things make sense like why her and my grandfather never seemed that close. They slept in separate rooms and just didn't seem to have a close friendship. They were just together because that's what was expected is what I thought. Its like the guy that got killed was actually her true love and the second marriage just never was as special. I'm not judging anyone who does find love again, but for me I would imagine it just not comparing to what I had with Mark and I would always be disappointed. Plus I know I will see him again on the other side one day!

Hi Diane,

I can see that this is dated in 2012... So I have no idea if it will even be seen. ... I don't think I want to date again. My husband is the only man I have ever really known. I met him when I was 14 and he was 17.. After he graduated, he joined the Navy and was in Viet Nam war. During that time, I graduated. After that, we we got engaged, then married. Had our son. Married for 38 years... And now I just want to find a way to be ME again.


I'm still here ... 6 years for me now and I still feel the same about no dating/remarrying. Others here have changed their minds as time has passed and that's ok, too. This is a personal decision that each of us has the right to make - without any judgments from others.

I married at 18 and he was 28 - and he was truly my soul mate. I knew then he would be my forever love and that the odds would be that I'd spend my last years alone.  I didn't expect to be 59 when he died, however, but that hasn't changed my feelings about needing to find a new love.

I've spent these 6 years finding out who I am in this new alone life. I've enjoyed traveling alone, participating in an anthology book series about grief, volunteering here in Widowed Village and for Soaring Spirits, attending art camps, getting certified to teach a course and I'll soon be hosting my own women's retreats in a few weeks. Would I give all of this up if Vern could still be here? Absolutely, without a doubt. But that's not possible, so instead I do my best to live my life to honor the years we had together and the love we shared.

Now that's not to say it's been easy. I still can't do Christmas. I still have his things here in our home. I still miss him. And I can still spend an occasional day in my jammies weighed down by my loss. And I think that's ok. It's real. It's life. I let myself feel what I feel when I feel it and then I get back to living my life.

Those of you who are still so fresh in your loss, just remember to be kind to yourself. This is hard stuff. And you get to call the shots about how you live it.

Dianne, I'm with you. Thanks for starting this discussion. Today is one year exactly for me, and I cannot fathom ever meeting anyone who even approaches my husband's character, humor, intelligence and creativity! I've had relatives who tried to fix me up with someone, and they have been told in no uncertain terms that if the man isn't my Morris, then I'm not interested. I'm not especially looking forward to the next 30 or so years alone (I'm 52), but the one man in the Universe that I want, I cannot see again.  I'll sign off now because today's a bad day and I'm pretty cranky and sad! 

P.S.- Tom Baker, Best Time Lord Ever!

Wishing us all a little bit of peace today. 

Today marks 18 weeks since my Jim died. He was 65. I'll be 54 end of this month. I've had some folks say you're young, yada yada response has been when you've been gifted the love of an amazing man like my Jim, anything else would be mediocre at best. Now I know never say never..but i know for the time being, the only one I want to 'date' is me, myself and I....I need to figure out who Linda is in her own (for the very first time).

Good Morning Linda !

    I think know how you feel...  I can't think of dating anyone... No one can top or even come close to Paul... He was wonderful to me! He took care of me! He  was and ( still is ) my rock. ... But I now want to be ME again. But first I need to FIND Me. I hope you know what I mean.

    I have slowly realized that this board / website , is better than the bereavement meetings the church holds. Who ever started this website, Thank You!

Warm Regards,

Sissy ( Susan )

Good Morning Susan,

I do know what you mean. I had been on a journey of 'finding myself' for a very long time. Actually caught up with her, and then Jim died. Now, I'm starting a whole new journey.
((((Hugs)))) to you as we embarked on our search.


© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service