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Did people push you to date?

Did your body just lead you into it?

Did a friend make you start an OKCupid account "just to window shop?"

 

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My husband died a month ago.  And I have had his family turn on me to.  Well, I dont think they ever liked me to begin with and now he's gone... I am just so confused, we have five kids, I would think they would want to be around their grandkids!?  Technically only half his family has "turned" on me.  His parents are divorced.  But its sill kinda blindsighted me!?  How is it now?  With your previous inlaws? 

Spring water, I left you a message

((Hugs)) Springwater762, my hubby's  family also turned against me. They accused me of killing him.. Cancer killed him. They were so rude at the funeral. Wanted me to do things their way. I am glad I have no contact with them. I forgive them, but I cant forget it.

just take a deep breath and think about all the good times with him.

dobster, I feel the same way. I am 19 months out and still have not missed a day crying since 12/31/10. On paper that sounds clinically depressed and I know I hover at the edge, but I also allow myelf time and space to grieve. I want to be healthy and whole from my fiance's suicide, healthy in and of myself, before I merge with anyone else on an imtimate committed level aain. I think it's good to be on my own. I want that for my daughter's as well, for them to be secure in who they are and then be free to give to someone else. I feel I will be able to enter a relationship with more to offer than need.

Thank you so much for your honest.  I have wanted male companionship, but my therapist has told me it is to soon.  I need to "go through" the grief of lossing my husband and no male companion can do that for me.  It would only complicate the issue.  If i don't go through this grief and accept the pain, I will do it later and it will be worse then if I did the grief work now.  Thank you so much for your comments.

Kudos for the guts to ask your internist and wonderful he actually set you up... great doctor! 

I keep posting - an effort perhaps to help myself - what you said about Ken, my own understanding that Betty is GONE.  Small letters is the intellectual knowledge of the finality of death, but GONE means it has sunk into your brain, the essence of your being: GONE. The all caps are shouting it out to yourself.

 I am just getting there.... at least I hope so... part of me screams out that I don't want to go there.... but it is the most difficult and deepest letting go possible.

Gone but never forgotten....

Hi again Hal,

I so understand that you don't want to go there. Why would you? But even you admit that you hope you're getting there. That "hope" is life urging you on. I know Betty would want you to live your life and I can tell from getting to know you here that over time life will sweep you up and move you further from your grief. I am amazed, myself, at how long it takes to recover -- maybe especially for those of us who had the best of marriages. It's so damn hard to leave them behind while finding a place for them in the new life we are forced to make without them. I am so grateful to my new partner Mark that he is not afraid to let Ken still exist for me and my kids in the ways we've let him live on: in pictures, stories and our memories which we share whenever the spirit moves us.

Macduff - I am just over the one month mark and I think I am starting to realize this, but a bit different I think. I know in my mind that he is never coming home or will be here. It is in my heart that I am finding the hardest. Maybe my mind too, I have to keep reminding myself he will not be walking through the door for me to greet after work. He will never be in his recliner again, or in our breakfast parlour chair for our morning coffees. It is still sinking in.

I'm new to this site but not new to this journey that we are on. My husband of 29 years passed three years ago this month .i went to a local grief group through our a hospice and though it didn't take away the grief , it helped to be with people that "got it" everyone's life goes on .. But not yours . We cried and talked together .three years later we still meet once a month and laughing in amazement at how far we have come ... It's a journey , am I done in my journey ?.. Not at all , now it's dating issues , but reading some of these stories have made me realize that a lot of people feel the same way with dating and other issues that have been on this journey from hell of three years ! And I also now realize that life is a journey ... That I knew this before his death ...but now I "get it " It's just a different journey , and not one that I wanted .

i totally understand this! sometimes it takes dating an IMMATURE ASSHOLE to really put things into perspective for ya huh?  very well said

 

Although I haven't actually looked at online dating sites and don't think i'm ready to date at 7 months, I can totally relate to the fantasy of having a new guy come along and "restore my life for me". Thank you for your honesty. ..................."I would have to rebuild a new life on my own. No one could save me."  I needed to hear this. Need to learn this, even though I don't want to. I am new to this site, and I realize this post is a year old, but wanted to let you know it's one of the first I have read that I will take something helpful from.

Hi Jill! I can identify with you on some of this. I, too, began dating early after my husband passed. For me, I missed his larger-than-life personality and companionship, so when a friendship naturally developed into a little more, I was A-OK with it.

A few months into it we split for a brief time. It was then I began to realize that it's OK to have a Frank-shaped hole in my heart and that no one will fill that spot and that actually made my heart happy. My boyfriend and I reconciled and have been back together for quite some time now. He is so patient and understanding and encouraging about my grieving process. I love that he asks questions about my husband and wants to learn about him and our relationship together to better know and understand who I am today.

For the first time I feel like I have a best friend since my husband passed. Although I miss Frank more now than I ever have, I feel lucky to have a special person in my life that is letting me heal in my own time, on my own terms and is right by my side for the entire process. Thank you for your post!!!

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