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Permalink Reply by judy on
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Rachael - I understand what you are going through. My husband was also supposed to be released to go into a
rehab - but being in the hospital too long he developed septic and had a bacterial infection called Klesbeilla.
What infection did your husband have? My husband was in the hospital about the same amount of time and died 4 days before my birthday. I miss him sooo much - it has only been 10 weeks for me.
Glad you are on this site!
Judy
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Permalink Reply by TrippinToni on -
Does anyone else out there look for blame? With the recent deaths I have experienced, I feel I am always looking for someone, an actual person to blame. I could blame my mothers doctor or I could blame her for refusing to stop smoking. My brother, I blame the teenager that hit him and I blame the system for slapping her on the wrist with a $135.00 ticket and nothing else. But for my husbands death, I blame myself. He told me he did not feel well and was going to take a bath. I knew that he had had seizures in the past. I also knew when he was unable to keep his medication down, he had a chance of having a seizure. I also knew every seizure he has ever had was in the morning. So, I think if I were just more considerate I would have gone in the bathroom with him. I couldn't get in the tub, which would have been fun, because my grandchildren were there.
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Permalink Reply by Jordan on -
Toni, I think a lot of us look to blame somebody. It helps to have a focus to be mad at. But please, don't blame yourself. Nobody can stand between their loved ones and whatever might happen to them 24/7. I'll bet a lot of us here can say, "If only I'd done that, made him do this, convinced her to try that. . . ." I know I sure can. It doesn't help, it doesn't change anything, and it makes us feel worse. And it's not true, anyway. We'll all human, and we have times when we don't pick up on things we didn't even realize were clues until we look back on them later.
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Permalink Reply by stella777 on -
Please do not blame yourself. In 'grief talk', what you're doing is classic bargaining. I know because I do it all the time. It's when the 'if onlys' come up. If only I had....he wouldn't have died. I don't think we have that much power. I used to really fool myself, thinking that if I had just insisted that they keep up the antibiotic even though Kerry wanted them to stop, that he would have miraculously recovered, gotten treatment and then be cured of pancreatic cancer. Realistically, that just was never going to happen. As if I had the power to make all that happen.
So don't blame yourself. It's a waste of your energy. Be kind and patient with yourself.
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Permalink Reply by Letha on -
Hi Toni. I'm sorry for your loss, but please don't blame yourself. I guess in my case I do have someone to blame..the man that hit my husband. (At times I even get angry at my husband, thinking had he not loved cycling so much he wouldn't have been out there on his bike for that idiot to hit!) I guess it helps sometimes to have someone to hate for the position I'm in now. My Mother keeps telling me all things happen for a reason...but I've yet to figure out what reason there could be for my wonderful husband to be killed.
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Permalink Reply by TrippinToni on
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There are two things people say that I hate. One is you will find someone else someday, and the other is everything happens for a reason. I think that is bullshit. My husband was a great guy and loved by everyone. My parents loved him, my children loved him, my ex husband and his wife loved him and even my ex mil and fil love him, and they have ALWAYS hated me. No reason for that man to die.
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Permalink Reply by Letha on
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Oh I know! One of my mother's friends actually ask her if she thought I would remarry. My husband has only been gone 7 weeks and she ask that!?!? I can't even IMAGINE finding someone else HALF as wonderful as my husband. He was perfect in my eyes and that would be really hard to compare to.
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Permalink Reply by Susieg on -
I know what you mean Toni. Hate those things also. Mike's dying will never be okay with me. I don't understand it either. Nobody didn't like him. Me, yes..him no. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people say she was the bitch....why not her? I always thought I would go first. He was always in better health than I was...Sure, everyone dies, but not at 62. I hate this life. 2.5 years later and not a lot easier.
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Permalink Reply by TrippinToni on
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My husband was 53. There is no way I could ever consider being with anyone else. No one could ever compare, and knowing me, I would tell him on a regular basis. My husband was perfect in my eyes.
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Permalink Reply by talj on -
Hi, my name is Natalya and I just found this site in the last couple of days.
On Sunday 5th June 2005 my partner, soul mate and best friend of 10 years was taken to hospital with what they thought to be pneumonia. He was in hospital for a week and when I spoke to him on the morning of Saturday 11th June 2005 he was feeling much better. The doctors were still keeping an eye on him but he was sounding much more like the ‘old’ Damian. That was the last time we spoke.
At about 7pm on Saturday 11th June Damian had a massive heart attack. He was rushed to Intensive Care where they advised us he had blood clots in his lungs and right leg, his liver and kidneys were failing and his heart had suffered severe damage and also had a big clot on it.We went through 5 days of being told any moment they would turn the machines off but then he would make progress so they would hold off and see how things went for a little longer. On Friday 17th June 2005 the doctors advised that they needed to do a brain scan. The news was devastating.
At some point during the week a clot had travelled to his brain and he was now severely brain damaged. They advised us that they would do another scan on Saturday to make sure, but that the machines would be turned off in the evening.
Damian didn't make it that long. On the Saturday morning his heart had begun to stop and he passed away shortly after 11.30am Saturday 18th June 2005. He was 30 and I was 25. We had been together for 10 years, he was my first and only boyfriend.
I have struggled every day since then, not helped by the fact I have become very unwell myself since December 2006. I haven't even thought about dating but I am getting to the stage where being alone is really getting me down but having never 'dated' before and still feeling lost without Damian I don't even know where to begin.
Sorry for the long post. Thank you all for reading and for welcoming me on this site, I am very grateful.
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Permalink Reply by veronica on -
Hello my name is Veronica and I am very sorry for your lost. I could relate to you about your mate being your first and only boy friend because my mate was my first and only boy friend. It seems so unfair that we are thrown into this cold world where everyone is using one another. We were treated in a special way and don't want to be used or hurt. I don't think we can deal with something like that. My husband stood 6 feet 3 220 pounds before he was diagnose with Cancer. When we sat with the doctor after he left work with a pain in his side and his eyes yellow. The doctor said he had stage 4 cancer and less than 6 months to live. My husband said he will beat this and for 11 months he did. Before he died he was as frail as a dry leaf. People say we are young and we will be ok but to watch your mate die in front your eyes I don't think you ever recover from that. And to think about being with someone else seems like you are betraying your partner (it seems like that to me). So I can understand why after all those years you have not dated. All we can do is try to hang in there. I hope your health gets better.
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