Hi, I'm Supa. I created this site because folks using my blog and Facebook wanted to connect directly with each other, and MORE. Even with the fake name, I'm a real person, but more people know me as Supa so I use that a lot. Please friend me when you join!
My husband, "Gavin," died in 2006 after 22 months with kidney cancer. Our little girl, "Short Stack," was 2.5 when he died. I went to an in-person support group for people my age and several of them were widowed the same summer. I LOVED them. These became my new best friends, and we spent more time laughing than I can even describe, but also crying and building each other's courage to create new lives.
I found a lot of my mojo through dating.... i had not seen myself through others' eyes in years, and I don't think I'd ever seen myself as an independent adult. It was refreshing in so many ways.
My journey as a caregiver really wore me down and I am still processing it. I share all of this on my blog, the light and the dark and what I've learned from other widowed people.
I am remarried, and my little girl is in 1st grade and learning to read. I'm not "a widow" any more, but the experience of widowhood is part of me. Gavin will always be part of our family -- we are surrounded by his wonderful legacy as an artist. I am still rebuilding my life, my career, and growing in ways I never knew would be part of midlife.
I am happy you are here, and hope this site helps you find your widow friends too, and move on through, with love and real strength -- the kind that springs from joy and not just necessity.
You are loved -- THANK YOU for being here for each other.
hi,i joined this group first on fb and after a few months i found this site i decided to join.my husband died in lung carcinoma last may 21,2008 leaving 5 kids with me.that time even though i have a mix emotions of fear and sadness i know i have to be strong because i know my children are looking at me,that moment only God is my strength second my children.after the death of my husband i realize sometimes "the pain that hurts you today makes you strong tomorrow"until now i'm still a widow because for me remarrying again will make my life complicated.I let God to decide for me in the future if there still someone for me if there is none its okay.I learned to accept things positively,and i choose to be happy.
Sending warm wishes to you and your children.
My friend recommended this to me and I thought I would try it out. As I have been reading through many of these posts, I know that I am not alone. I lost my husband in November 2013. We were married 41 years. He was full of life and loved life! I realized as I read through these many posts, that I have only been surviving and not living my life. I have been overwhelmed since he passed.
I think this is a wonderful thing-thank you all for listening
Blessed, its a tough journey. I have just past the one year mark and am of course still very lost. I am taking it one day at a time. I have found a good grief therapist that has helped and talking to others in the same position helps. I was married 35 years to the most wonderful man. I miss him terribly. I am trying to navigate this new reality the best I can. Yes, just surviving is the beginning. The growth I am feeling now is that there are times I feel a little more like I am living. I pray for you to find peace. I am working on it.
I joined yesterday. I've been widowed since Oct. 16, 2001 when he lost the fight with lung cancer. he was 48, I was 40, at the time.
My husband was an amazing person and ten years after his death he still has a place in my life. Much more so than I would have guessed when starting this journey, but I see it now as a good thing and not a something-is-wrong-with-me thing.
I look forward to getting to know ya'll and thanks for having me!
Celestia, I like reading that you now see that your husband having a place in your life 10 years after his death is "a good thing and not a something-is-wrong-with-me thing." In June 2008 my husband died after struggling with pancreatic cancer for over two years. He is still very much a part of my life, and I intend to keep him in my life from now until I get to join him for eternity. At first I was defensive about my decision because I knew some people thought there was 'something wrong' with me for wanting it to be that way. But now, almost four years later, I am at peace with the situation. God has a purpose for me to still be here, and I am seeking to find that purpose. I know that when my time comes, I will join my husband to fulfill our eternal purpose together.... whatever that may be.
Welcome to our site! I know you will find it a comfortable place where you can share many thoughts and feelings. There is probably nothing that someone hasn't experienced. I am so sorry about your loss, particularly at such a young age. It must have been so hard. I am sure there is much you can teach us, too, as you have been on this journey for awhile and have struggled hard to finally see this as a good things. That is a huge accomplishment. I look forward to getting to know you better.
I just recently. My husband lost his battle with lung cancer on Sept. 2, 2013. We've known about the diagnosis for over 2 years. It doesn't matter what they say - sudden death versus knowing it was coming - there is NEVER enough time. Sure he had two years battling this horrible disease but the last couple of weeks he got worse and worse. There was no time for final goodbyes that we felt he understood what we were saying. So many different things I look back on that last day and think I wish I would've done this or said that. They say the hearing is the last to go - there are still so many, many things I want to say.
I am looking forward to this site being helpful as well as so I can see people in around the same time frame of loss as myself so that I know I'm not going off the deep end. Richard wanted me to find someone else but I don't know that I can do that. It's too early in this stage anyway but I don't think I could take loving someone so much again that if I lost them I'd feel like I wanted to go along too. Often I ask why not me?? He had the better income potential, I had better life insurance policies, he wouldn't have to sell the home he built like I do. Raw right now, just raw.
My husband lost his battle with prostate cancer on Sept. 15, 2013. I know how you are feeling. I am still pretty numb and can't think beyond a few days ahead.
I'm glad we both found this site.
Hello Richardswife: I am so very very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on Oct. 28, 2013, so we are both "new" to this. Raw is a word I have been using for myself: it is like just being one giant open wound and on an emotional roller coaster. My husband also had lung cancer, but recovered from it, then got really sick just a few months later with blood clots on the liver and a blood infection. His organs just failed......I understand your feeling about the final day. But I have come to believe that when people love each other, each knows that. Believe that he knew how much you loved him just as you know how he loves you. I have had regrets, too, about what I said or didn't say, but I feel that I did the best I could at the time, in such horrible circumstances. I hope that you will feel that as well. You're right; there is never enough time to prepare for this. Dating again is a very private decision for us all. I would put aside for now, since it feels too soon....you are just still raw. I don't think our loved ones would want us doing anything that we didn't feel we were ready for. I still talk to my husband (here at home or in the car); that way I can tell him how I feel and not have people look at me like I am nuts! Be kind to yourself....