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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by chez2all on -
hi, i can relate. first husband was 39 and 2nd husband was 46 - both with so much more life in them. I find myself working through stuff from my first husbands death as well as my 2nd at the same time even though there was 11 years between both. And my poor kids, my heart aches for them loosing 2 dad's. Not to mention how my husbands parents are coping - missing their boys hugely.
But we grieve, we live, we study, we work, we breathe and we move forward towards an uncertain future, but we do need to move towards that future and the support I have received on this site has helped tremendously this time around. So much life and wisdom in one place - how incredibly blessed are we all.
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Permalink Reply by going to make it on -
I'm dealing with both as well. I thought it was because I remarried so quickly after my first husband died (married a lil over a year after) that I still had unresolved grief. Maybe it's more about it opening up the old wounds than anything else. I have a 10 1/2 yo &, like you, it breaks my heart that she has lousy 2 dads in her short life. Actually, 3 because she was abandoned as an infant & my 1st husband & I adopted her. She is my rock tho! She is all about helping others & we do believe that we should take what we're going through to help someone else. It would be impossible for me to cope if all of this had no good come from it at all.
{{{hugs}}} Praying for your family!
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Permalink Reply by Puck on -
Hello everyone,
I lost the love of my life 11-10-11. He was diagnosed February of that year. He was the kindest, most brave man I have ever known. He never complained except some if he was in pain. He never whined, never asked 'why me?'. He knew why. He put his nickle down on the gaming table, and lost.
I'm up off the floor now, most days, but I am shattered. He was the only man I ever wanted to share my life with. We had 28 short years. The first 18 we fussed, fought, divorced and couldn't stay away from each other. The last 10 were a dream of harmony and ease with each other. I will be in love with him until my own last breath.
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Permalink Reply by Suz on -
Hi Puck.
I am glad you found WV. I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had ten wonderful years. I lost Jud three months ago. He sounded like your love. He was kind and never complained and I, too, am shattered. Some days are better than others. I have received a lot of help here and hope you will find the same.
Suz
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Permalink Reply by Puck on
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Thanks, Suz. I joined another widow's forum awhile back, and having other widows to talk with has made a huge difference for me. Don't forget to breathe. :)
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Permalink Reply by camry on -
Hi all...I'm a newbie here. My husband Peter died of pancreatic cancer one month ago today. He was 48, I am 38. He took his last breath the night before our 15th wedding anniversary. Instead of going out for a romantic dinner, I was planning his funeral. We have three kids, ages 14, 11 and 9. They seem to be doing remarkably well, which I am grateful for. I, on the other hand, am still dealing with the fresh wounds of grief. I feel like I have no one to talk to. My friends are great but I wouldn't just pick up the phone to cry to them. I miss my mother terribly, she died three years ago. I just wake up every day looking forward to when I can mercifully go back to bed.
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Permalink Reply by Jeanine on -
Hi camry.... Like you, my husband, Don, died of pancreatic cancer..... but it was four years ago this month, and he was 63. I'm so sorry you have a reason to find your way to WV, particularly at such a young age, but am glad you did. I've participated in three grief groups (Hospice once and GriefShare twice) plus have connected with other widows via three different online groups like this, and it all helps tremendously. Not everyone thinks the same, nor grieves the same, but we can all support each other by just sharing with each other. However, my biggest help comes through prayer... I couldn't survive without it! I hope you come back to this site frequently and let these wonderful people help you through the next day, week, month....
Jeanine
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Permalink Reply by going to make it on
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{{{Jeanine}}} Couldn't make it through without my faith first, and friends family & this group!
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Permalink Reply by Jeanine on
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It's the same for me! I just joined this group, but I can see that it can provide a lot of help, if I'll let it. However, I'm finding that I use the Internet as an escape and am spending a big part of each day doing different things on the computer via the Internet. That means I'm not getting much exercise, plus there are chores that aren't getting done. On one had I so enjoy the relief that comes through escaping into the world of the Internet, but on the other hand I'm not sure when it becomes too much. Anyone else have this problem?
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Permalink Reply by Susieg on -
Yes, Jeanine, I also spend too much time on here. But let me tell you a brief story....My husband died 4/30/09 after about a six month period of time when we did not know really what was wrong with him.. He had atrial fibrillation for a while, but according to the cardio, no big deal...controlled it with drugs. Then, he started retaining water off and on for a while. His only complaint was he was soooooo tired all the time. His primary care doctor never detected anything...only when it was too late did we find out he had severe sleep apnea, stage 3-4 liver failure, kidney problems and pulmonary hypertension. Apparently this happened over a long period of time, as he had some of the best doctors in the state at UMC in Tucson, and they couldn't really tell us what happened. By that time, heart surgery was not an option. For 7 weeks we waited for the water retention to go away, when in fact, he was just getting worse. I still don't know what exactly other than heart related issues he died from, all of his complications could have caused it. When they started removing water by dialysis in the hospital 2 days before he died, everything started failing. We only knew for one day he was going to die. Maybe we just were kidding ourselves, but no doctor ever told us he was that serious. We had no kids together, and I was devastated, and still am. I found out about this site in July, 2010, and went to Camp Widow in that year. I didn't know these sites existed, and it was a godsend to me. I bought a laptop so I didn't have to go in a separate room to use the computer, and the rest is history!!!! I still am dealing with complicated grief, and don't go out a lot. My husband and I were homebodies...I just don't have a lot to do. He was 62 when he died, I will be 59 in Sept...I was 56 when he died. I have been criticized for being on here so much, not just this site, but on the computer in general. I keep my house presentable....I have lots that needs to be done, but it is just me and my dogs....who cares? No one ever comes here so who cares? You have to do what you can to get through this terminal grief....one day you will feel like doing other things, I haven't yet, but I hear tell it happens!!!! Meanwhile, there is a lot of support on here. Do what you feel like doing.....just don't let things get too much out of hand.....hugs....
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