Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

WELCOME to our community ... tell us about you!

Views: 84652

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Sorry that you are here! My fiancé was killed in a work accident 06/25/2012 at the age of 28 and our daughter was only 4mo old at the time. I just turned 28 and our daughter turned 1 on Valentine's day. This is so hard and so unfair. Please don't hesitate to message me if you need

Thanks Kiki8!  It does seem so unfair.  My 30th bday is coming up and I'm not looking forward to it without him.  Our daughters are about the same age.  Mine just turned 1 on March 1st.

My husband, Daryl passed away on April 5, 2013 from Multiple Myeloma cancer. He was diagnosed on January 31, 2012 and suffered for the whole time. His body fought all of the treatments that were given to him and he suffered in lots of pain from fractured bones. I had quit my job only a month before he was diagnosed to pursue a bookkeeping business at home. Little did I know that I would instead become a full time caregiver.

 

I'm still so numb and can hardly believe that he is gone. I feel like I have a big hole inside of me. :-(

OH Shelley I am so so sorry.  It is so early in the process and you must be worn out from a year of caregiving (that didn't hit me until the 3rd year).  Stay close to this group and let us know how you are doing.  Big hugs to you.

Susan

Susan, I would be totally ready to resume my role as caregiver if it meant Daryl was with me again. And then I realize how selfish that would be because he would still be here suffering. I wouldn't want that. :-(

I remember feeling exactly the same way, Shelley. Those years were really hard but I was blessed to be able to care for him, to love him to the end. I could not possibly wish for him to still be suffering.

I know.   I was so torn as, while he didn't suffer that much, he was such a strong and independent person that I knew that by being so dependent and bed-ridden, he was suffering.  He had 3 massive brain tumors so he was never aware of how sick he was but sometimes would say, "When am I going to get better?" 

My ex mother-in-law said her mother was told her father had about a year to live and lived 9.  When she told me that I knew there was no way he was lasting 9 years, but it sounded like a horrific way to be for 9 years.  For both of us.  After he went I thought I'd do anything just to hear him say "I love you" every day as he did when he was here, but that seems so selfish, that would be willing to confine him to that life just to hear that. His brain tumors moved around so he had different pains that were really phantom pains and he once ran a 105 fever for 3 days that wasn't really a fever which is why we couldn't get it down. It was just the brain tumors sitting on his body temperature regulation. So we never knew when he had something really wrong or not. I don't think I would want that life to continue.  He was an active man, full of life and happy all the time.  Though he bore his illness with a lot of dignity and never complained, I couldn't wish that on him for longer than he had it.

Shelley, I am so sorry for your loss & pain. This is just so very new that you are numb & may be that way for a while. So glad you found this site so early on. So many people are here to help, guide & listen.

Paula, I have Dianne to thank for giving me the web address for this site. We met through the MM Facebook support group.

I've already realized how important it is to surround myself with people that understand what it is like to lose a partner. I really hate hearing over and over again that Daryl is in a better place. I do believe in God and Heaven but somehow it gives me no comfort that Daryl is in a better place. Then I want to be there too. :-(

Hi my name is Kelly. I lost my husband of nearly 20 years six short weeks after being diagnosed with stomach cancer. They gave him 9-18 months so six weeks was a blink of an eye. We didn't get time to say goodbye and I am heartbroken. He had been disabled and homebound by chronic Lyme disease for 4 years. We had a tough time adjusting to his illness and redefining our relationship. We worked hard and were back in love. We were going to renew our vows on our 20th anniversary next month. Valentines day 2012 he surprised me with a beautifully re-made wedding ring. I lost it a couple of months ago. I've torn the house and cars apart and can't find it anywhere.

I have 2 daughters, one grown and out of the house, the other 19 and also homebound by Lyme Disease. She has been on IV antibiotics for several months and is getting better. Thank God! She's been home sick for almost 4 years. Losing her dad has been really difficult for her due to the isolation of chronic illness, he was her support and best friend. The grief totally set her back in her recovery.

About me. I've been a full time caregiver and sole breadwinner for the past 4 years. I am just coming out of the shock and really starting to feel the loneliness and emptiness of my life. On one hand I am looking forward to caring for myself rather than focusing on everyone else. In the last ten years I've had thre major losses. Both my mother and father and my love. I am an only child, so besides my daughters am fairly alone.

I have so many wouldas, shouldas and couldas! I think we All do. I am scared to death that I will never feel normal again and I'm scared that this grieving will knock to my knees. I am strong and take it minute by minute, day by day.

I am so happy to have this place. I think it will be a godsend!

Kelly, when did you lose your husband?

I'm almost 56 and Daryl would have been 63 today. The last few days have been very rough for me anticipating today. We were married for 37 1/2 years.

We have one daughter (31) who is married. She was sensitive enough about the day to take me out for the afternoon and back to her place for supper. It helped to be around people today.

John died 12/14/12. He was 62. Birthdays must be hard. I'm glad your daughter took you out. When did Daryl pass? I'm sorry for your loss and pain. Take care.

RSS

© 2017   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service