Introduce yourselves, please!

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Permalink Reply by Grits504 on May 19, 2011 at 10:52am

Hi!  I just joined today.  My husband died 9 months ago at the age of 39.  It rocked my world to the core.  I don't know how, but 'm managing to get through each day without him.

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Permalink Reply by hope on May 20, 2011 at 12:55am

hello, im hope.

i joined today.

my husband of 2 years n 8 months died April 6, 2011 after a courageous battle against stage 4 metstatic melanoma {cancer} at the age of 22. {i 21} 

my husband was/is my best friend, superman, my everything. i am so lost being here by myself, trying to understand, and decide whats next....

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Permalink Reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum on May 20, 2011 at 4:36am

Hi Hope,

I am sorry for your loss, you are both so very young and the loss is so very raw for you at this time. My husband died 5 months ago today. He had battles with his health for 25 years and like you I am still trying to find myself again and trying to decide what's next.

I have decided that I am going to be pondering that "what's next" for a long time to come. I am still sorting myself out and think it's going to take a long time.

I started therapy today to try and find myself again and work my way through the journey. I am hoping that this will help me come to terms with a "new normal" after the years I have spent as Keith's support person and caregiver. I have to find a new identity now and learn to live for me. It is something that we all have to do.

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Permalink Reply by Stezzy on June 28, 2011 at 5:52am

Hi I'm Stuart, I'm 21

I joined today as well.

 

My wife Jane died 3 months ago when she got hit by a truck on her way to work at the age of 23, we were married for 6 month when it happened

 

I don't really know what to do at the moment, I had to do the identification which messed me up enough but now its only just starting to catch up with me haven't been able to sleep which is messing with work as well.

 

I just don't know where to really go from here just trying to work out all this stuff in my head, I really just miss her

 

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on July 29, 2011 at 10:34am

Stuart, although our ages and circumstances are different, we have in common the loss of the light of our lives. My heart goes out to you that you both knew this tragedy so early in life. We older widows and widowers have been a bit toughened up by life already, and while no one knows your person pain, we may be able to give you some persepective, and certainly our caring and support.  Don't forget that your young person's perspective can help us older ones too. I'm so glad you found this site so soon; let us help each other where we can. Thanks for joining this community.   

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Permalink Reply by DaddyNo'sBest on May 20, 2011 at 2:33am

My name is Sean, and I lost my wife of nearly a decade on April 26 of 2010.  She passed away in her sleep from an accidental overdose of pain meds given to her by doctors for shingles. We were 28.  Our kids were 9,7,5,and 3.  The oldest two were part of the package when I met my wife, their biologicals had largely abandoned them and save but a few visits and phone calls, I never adopted them because they  were so significantly out of their life we didn't think it was necessary.  Within a couple months I had lost both our oldest boys to their Dad's as well as going thru the loss of my wife.  Went from a family of 6 to a family of three so quick my head spun.  Now when I drive our van, I just see empty seats staring back at me from the mirror... its a fresh punch in the gut  every time I go anywhere, no matter how good of a day I may be lucky enough to be having. 

I've spent the last year trying to make our daughters life as normal as possible on a daily basis.  I braid hair, paint toenails and fingernails, pick out clothes before school and all the things I can during the day to help them.  Theyve made remarkable adjustments and seem to be doing well.  Wish I could say the same for me. Ive never dealt with depression before but here I am smack dab in the thick of it.  The Docs sent me to the pharm with a handful of pieces of paper but I didn't fill any of them.  I don't want pills to slap a fake smile on my face just so I can appear to not be depressed.  I don't think they do anything to help with the depression, just the symptoms. Granted.. I drink myself to sleep nightly.. but hey whose counting. I drink enough for three adults with a drinking problem. Sigh

 

I've been an alcoholic since well before my wife died, but you could definetly say its gone off the charts since.  My coping skills involve taking care of the girls during the day and then drinking almost every night.  Its not healthy and its not helping but it numbs.  It tells my brain to shut the * up and stop thinking of thehorrible things that cycle thru constantly.  I attended a support group a single time, I was (a) the only person under 65 and (b) the only male.  While I have no problem with older ladies at all, certainly wasn't what I was prepared for so I haven't been back.

 Not sure what to do, where to go or how to proceed.  Everyone says I'm doing a marvelous and amazing job with everything, but they only see the outside.  Inside is dark, and stormy and nonstop. I feel like I'm doing a good job because I haven't abandoned my kids and ended the pain. 

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Permalink Reply by kelbel on May 20, 2011 at 8:51am

Hello daddyno's best, my heart aches for you,

I understand the being in the thick of it, its where I find myself every day.

I lost my beautiful husband in dec 2010 , very suddenly & very unexpectedly & the dreams & hopes we had for our future are now just....gone! A bottle or two of good wine numbs the senses for me too & some nights I mange to get a few hours sleep. My girls are older than yours & worry about me drinking......not that it is anything I havent done before but alone seems like a problem to them.

I get told all the time how strong I am, what a great job I'm doing but its all just the outer shell, yes, I love our girls & do the best I can in supporting them with the loss of their dad & trying to keep things as normal & happy as I can but on the inside where no-one else see's Im just an empty, lost, directionless mess. I try really hard to see a future for myself but its a road I never imagined myself travelling. I guess we have to do the best we can & just keep our precious children from feeling the pain that we do.

I have been to see a therapist a few times but have found I bullshit them that I'm OK as much as I do myself, I figure my journey is one better taken alone, different horses for different courses, guess I'm just a different horse. Thank you for sharing your story & I hope you do see the light shine through in your girls, as I do in mine. I dont think the pain goes away, we just have to learn to live the best we can with what we have.....our precious children. Goodnight & sending you love .xx Kel. xx

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Permalink Reply by gcortez55 on May 20, 2011 at 1:44pm

Oh Sean, that is so hard. To loose half of your family so suddenly...
Night time is also when my demons come out, the pills the doctor gave me do numb me. I hate the idea that I can't control my own mind through this. The pills I take for the major depression I have certainly don't put a fake smile on my face but they do help me function. I too found the local support groups...err...not helpful. This site has helped me to know that I'm not the only widowed parent out there with little ones and the night chat helps me to get some adult conversation. Join us sometime!

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Permalink Reply by danny's girl on May 20, 2011 at 11:59pm

Sean, my heart breaks for you.  I am so sorry for your losses.

If you need help with your depression, please seek it from a professional rather than alcohol.  I lost someone close to me at a young age do to alcoholism. She treated her depression with alcohol & she was not able to survive the physical toll that it took on her body.

I know many people don't like to take meds or seek therapy, but I had suffered multiple losses close together even before my husband died that left me depressed, anxious and with panic attacks. After much persuasion from my husband, I sought therapy and treatment.  The therapy and meds allow me to function every day.  The meds don't make me deleriously happy...they just allow me to function.

The people you will meet on this site will provide invaluable wisdom and support.  Visit here frequesntly where everyone is willing to share their experiences to help each other out.

Your girls are young and they need you to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Blessings and hugs to you and your girls on this journey.

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Permalink Reply by wannabmartha on May 22, 2011 at 11:20pm

Sean,

You've been heavy on my mind. My husband and oldest son died in a plane crash in 2009 and my life has been devastated ever since. I have spent many a night drinking way more than I should to dull the pain but I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not an expert but I am concerned about you and my advice would be to continue to seek help for the sake of your children. Don't give up the search for what fits for you. I too went to many groups that turned out not to be a very good fit. I was advised to keep looking and I'm glad that I did.

You've been through the ultimate heartache that I know all too well. Beside losing my husband who I adored, my son was a new father of a 1 year old little boy with a baby girl on the way that he never got to meet. My thoughts turn to those kids when I feel like giving up. My other sons and those grand kids of mine are what I get up each morning for. I pray that you find encouragement too! I and everyone else on this site are here for you. Take care.

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Permalink Reply by SallyStarre on May 20, 2011 at 8:56am

As I continue to read these introductions my heart breaks for the so many young widows and widowers with children.  It is so difficult at 60.  I can't imagine the feeling as I do now AND having to take care of young ones.  My prayers are with you all.

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Permalink Reply by kaley_amanda on May 20, 2011 at 9:53am

Hi my names Kaley. My husband tim died in a car wreck last year on april 27 2010.  I had a sherriff show up to my work to tell me.  My kids were 1 and 2 at the time.

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