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Hi Lori,

I am so sorry for your loss. I think many would agree that "moving through mud" is not an unusual feeling. And the timing and the way that changes is unique to each person. I understand the feeling of loss that comes when you were a "good team". My husband Steve (whom I lost in March to Esophageal cancer and I always said we were not perfect people but we were certainly perfect for one another. We would have been married 24 years in June. He was my life and I am lost without him. You are obviously at a different point in your process but I hope with all my heart you find the comfort and encouragement you need here. You will always find someone who understands.

God Bless....

Hey Lori,

Nice to meet you, sorry it is in these circumstances. I lost my husband Mike very suddenly last November, it was 6months yesterday.  And like you I'm so shocked that this is my life now. At 43 I'm a widow. A small part of me still thinks it's some crazy dream. The disbelief is overwhelming sometimes, who would have thought an emotion like disbelief could be so powerful. It turns me upside down and inside out some days.

Like you, I'm toying with the idea of the San Diego camp. I just need to be around people who just 'get it'. I hope you get what you're looking for out of this site, it has certainly helped me.

Danielle

Hi

Thank you so much for adding me to this site.

I'm Chris and I lost my dear husband Arthur 19 months ago today from cancer, in Dec 2014 he was sent home we later found out to pass away at home, 2 months later he was back at work part time after he laughed at them saying no way he was dying in two weeks. He did very well until about Sept 15 when a tumour they were meant to have removed back in Nov 14 but didn't inflamed and caused him a lot of problems so they decided to operate again to remove it, he was already weak from treatments and never really recovered from that operation :( We had had a lot of loss and sorrow before he became ill, losing our business/careers of 27 yrs through others lying and playing dirty :( Since Arthur's passing I've pretty much been on my own with the two dogs, I live out of town on a small rural block so no one visits. I have pretty much not heard from any of Arthur's large family and even though we had a 7 day a week business we were both fully involved in the industry but now unless I make contact with anyone from the industry I never hear from them. Trying to get used to the loneliness, we weren't very social/outing going due to the business and we didn't have children so it's just me and the animals now.

Thanks for listening, it will be good to connect with people that understand this terrible journey we are all on.

Cheers

Chris 

Chris, I know the loneliness...I deal with it still and my husband has been gone almost 4 years. I stayed very busy and had some good supportive friends, but that begins to fade over time. Some of the busyness I got tired of and friends don't move away, but they get on with their lives and think you should too. Its very hard and at 70, I'm running out of energy and the will to keep at it. I too have no children and no pets and at my age, I'm reluctant to get one.
How does one learn to be content with mostly being alone? My closest friend is moving away and I'm afraid its going to set me back to the beginning.
This is a good group here and it makes you feel so not alone in your feelings, but in realty you are alone.
My husband died of brain cancer. He was 68 and I was 66. He was the picture of health. Take care and if you ever want to pm me, please feel free.

Hi Maggie thank you so much for your message. Yes people very quickly move on and think you should also, I so often get "So what are you doing now" and I'm like 'nothing' my whole life was our business so I'm trained for nothing else and have lost so so much in the last 7yrs that if I went and got a job I hated because that is all I'd get then I'm sure I'd get more depressed than I already am. Also as someone pointed out if I got a full time job then I'd have to give up the farm (not big) as I'd never have the time for it's up keep and look after the stock, they are right. I know I'll have to find something soon but no spark of interest to do anything.

I wouldn't be without my animals for company, I've made arrangements for their care in my will if anything should happen to me. One thing to maybe consider is if you'd like a pet for company, maybe adopt an older settled pet, sorry I don't see 70 as too old. 

So pleased there are groups like this to connect with people that understand, take care

Chris

Thanks Chris. I always had dogs, but I like cats too and think an older rescue is an excellent idea.

Oh so pleased you might think about a senior rescue, so many wonderful older dogs/cats get dumped for a younger version. I love pups but man I old mature dogs but are chilled out.

 

My 90 year-old neighbor just had to put down her 15-year-old dog which she got after her husband died.  She is looking for a new one!  She has a terrible back problem and has CNAs in round the clock, and a dog-walker.  She wants a dog already trained, calm (i.e not a puppy) and tall enough she can pet while she's in her recliner.  She is calling the shelters to explain her situation and ask for recommendations.  I was surprised at first but then I understood.

I have a dog, almost 4, and content with that.  (I'm almost 60 but have back and hip problems; I limp along walking every day with him; I know it is good for me even though painful sometimes.)  I keep in touch with friends and neighbors but don't feel the need to go out and socialize.  But I've been an introvert for much of my life. I have hobbies, gardening, piano, many other projects I start and have a hard time finishing.  But my dog gives me structure to my days and love.  And makes me smile, gives me someone to talk to besides myself and late loved ones.   I have a couple close long-distance friends that I really appreciate.  Maybe you and your friend can make phone dates?  And consider a pet?  I think I would feel lonely without my dog.

My husband died oct 2016 but I had molly my older beagle. She died last July. It was lonely in the house and no one to make me not sit around at night and weekends. So in Aug 2016 I went to the humane society and found Rowan a mix who is 12 years old. His prior owner decided when she got pregnant that she did not want him anymore. He is perfect he loves walks and is so happy when we go on one. As walks are good for everyone it works out. But he does not need as much human playing and such as a younger dog. He has a heart murmur but the vet says I will have him for another 3 years if all goes well. He is a blessing. So yes go for an older dog not many people adopt them and they have so much to give.

Oh thats so awesome, and you are right if my dogs weren't here I would hardly get out of bed in the morning let alone walk but I try for an hours walk each day up the forest were we all used to walk it's nice. I agree the older dogs have so much to give, I used to be at SPCA here adopting dogs out and the older ones seemed to know and be so grateful for a home.

Greetings to my widowed sisters and brothers - my name is Kitty. I've been widowed since 2012, after thirty years of marriage. I have three grown daughters who are such a blessing and comfort. My home is in Southeast Florida, close to the ocean. Since being widowed, I have worked through some real challenges and I  like to think I'm getting smarter and stronger. Recently, I got my CPC certification, with the intention of working exclusively with widows. Needless to say, south FL is a good place to do this kind of work; I think most of the retired people here are widows! You can find me on Twitter @widowlifecoach. But that's not why I'm here now; I really do still need to get some refreshment every now and then, from other widowed people, who "get it." So thank you for being here!

Thank you for adding me to your site. I lost the love of my life 32 days ago from leukemia.

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