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Thank you for your words of wisdom.  From the sound of your post it sounds as though you have been able to deal with all of this and make take the steps to lead you forward.  It is so nice of you to offer support to us in the early stages of dealing with all of this.



Thanks for the reply! I'm here anytime to help and offer support. I remember reading posts in my "early days" of people who were five years and more out, and I couldn't even imagine that!

I read something today about after a loss like this, you don't 'move on', you 'move forward'. I've been trying to do that ever since my husband died suddenly. It's been a series of highs (watching my oldest daughter graduated from college in 2015 and move to Boston while my youngest daughter graduated from high school the same year and is now a junior in college, taking early retirement from my job and going to school at USC in LA last summer) and lows (financial issues, having to sell our family home, health concerns, and still dealing with my late husband's family over an education trust fund for my daughters'). 

I remember one time I thought "what part of I don't want to fill out another form do you not understand?!" 

I hope you have a good week!



While I am much fresher to this situation than you, I will be at 6 months on Thursday, I have found this ordeal to be very hard to go through.  I went from what I thought was a process of recovery to watching her take her last breath in a period of 30 seconds.  What has made this extremely difficult for me has been the lack of support from family and friends.  I was told on the day of the funeral service that we would always remain family.  I guess I didn't know what that meant.  I have only heard from one of her brothers and sisters in the past 3 months. 

You seem to be doing well and for that you should be congratulated.  I am sorry to hear about your health concerns, but taking early retirement and attending classes are truly accomplishments that should how strong you are. 

I always find in refreshing to hear from people farther down the trail and their insight can help as we take those steps.


Thanks Leslie!  

I wish Social Security was a cooperative with me, I can't get an appointment for two months. I'm going to go the the local office and "take a number". I don't have any friends that are those types of professionals but did get several recommendations. I meet with a lawyer Friday.

You should be able to get good results from just going to SS.  I went there the Monday before Thanksgiving and they had signs up saying you might want to go on-line because it would be a short, busy week in the office.  I waited and the wait wasn't long.  The on-line forms wanted all kinds of details about my late husband's two previous marriages and I knew very little (had met both of his ex-wives but the marriages were a long time ago and his second wife was now deceased). The woman at the desk was helpful and knowledgeable and the whole thing took less time than I expected.

Your description of your wife's breathing is SO familiar; my husband Ron was under hospice care and I woke for some reason (whatever it was I'm grateful) at 4:45 AM and went to check on him.  His eyes were half-open and his breathing was shallow.  I never did get back to sleep; gave him some of the meds prescribed to curb the bad terminal agitation he'd been having (via eyedropper), read aloud from the Book of Common Prayer to him, and sat down and write his obituary.  He was gone by 7 AM.  It was the peaceful end we both wanted.

You're in the right place.  The one thing I cam tell you is that we're all grieving differently and there's no "right" way to do it.

Thanks for sharing Larry, I had a similar experience at the time of her passing.

My wife had been home from the hospital for one week and we were sleeping in the living room (she in a recliner) because she was too weak to go up the stairs to our bedroom. I woke inexplicably at 4:00 am and noticed her breathing was very raspy and shallow. I tried to rouse her to get her to cough and take some deep breaths but she was unconscious. Like you, I called 911 and did CPR compressions until the EMT's arrived. After 3 rounds of efforts by the EMTs (a vision I will never get out of my head) they pronounced her dead. In truth, I think she was gone before they got there but not before I was with her. I tell myself that her soul reached out to me to say goodbye. 

P.S. The kids are doing OK. My daughter is incredibly strong just like her Mother. My son was already a withdrawn teenager and I worry about him the most. We are all going to do therapy but I am still trying to get insurance straightened out.


Good luck it sounds like you have a plate full that you are going through.  I am always here and available to listen and offer any support that I can.


Hugs. Hope you find the support tutu need here. I'm pretty sure this site saved what's left of my sanity. I'm widowed twice. My 1st husband was my high school sweetheart. Married 30 years, have 2 grown kids, 1 almost 16yo (6 when he died), & 7 wonderful gbabies together. He was my best friend & at times my worst enemy. Love of my life. I did remarry, but sadly only 6 months later he was dx wuth stage 4 cancer. We had 1 1/2 years together, most of that spent in hospitals. He did make sure we some fun trips together.
Now it's me & my girl. My older 2 are married & gone. Son is deployed, daughter 3hrs away. I don't see myself ever marrying again. Something you said hit home with me. I'd like to find a friend to go to dinner with, see movies, maybe do some traveling. I'm content with that. I feel I've had the love of a lifetime.
Im so very very sorry you're on this journey.

I want to thank you for your words of encouragement.  I am very sorry that you have to go through the death of a husband on two occasions. That would be so hard to deal with.  Especially since your second husband wound up living such a short period of time after that marriage started.  I am not saying I would not remarry for fear of having to deal with death again.  The reason I will not go there again is because the only way I know to love is totally and completely.  In my mind anything less would not be fair to the person that I would be marrying.  My wife that died in January truly was the love of my life and I could not half-heartedly do it again.

Hugs! So very sorry your heart is hurting! My husband was also my high school sweetheart. He also kept his cancer from everyone (including me for over a year).
I hope you find the support you need, on this site. It was my saving grace early on.


My deepest condolences.  I lost my wife, who was 45, a little over a year ago at age 45.  She passed from Stage IV breast cancer that spread to her liver.  She literally died in my arms as I was screaming for help at 5AM,.... there was a shift change and no one was around, except for a nurse manager. I know what you are going through right now.  Take things 1 hour, 1 day at a time.  This site is very supportive, and we will be here for you.


BatteryPark Widower

Wow! The parallels we share are so close. I also held my wife as she passed at 4:15 in the morning but we were at home. Also had Stage IV Breast Cancer spread to the Liver (and other areas). Thanks for the words of encouragement. I thought I was beginning to handle things OK and then our family dog of 13 years was also diagnosed with cancer and we had to put her down yesterday. That really opened up the fresh wounds of the passing of my wife. 


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