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I'm remembering the love indeed that's in part why I refuse to take on the phrase - new normal.  I bristle at it, hate it, want nothing to do with it. New implies for me, leave what is past you behind you. We were together for 72% of my life. We were kids at 21 when we married. He just turned 68 when he died. I am holding on to all memories - the ups and the downs. Slowly strengthening the good ones and letting the bad ones go. I'm so blessed that HIS passion for life showed ME so many wonders in boating, planes, classic cars, exotic cars and the list is like 20 some hobbies or interests in had that we enjoyed, even loved, together. 

I’ve now shared with my in-person grief groups my motto/phrase/mindset, the one I think I can wear going forward. It’s Next Season. I'm finding my Next Season. Seasons change and we know another one is coming, next. Personally, I like all seasons the same, for different reasons. I’m working to stay in faith with God, mostly he’s pulling me in closer to Him, to find joy this Next Season. The pain I trust may never go away, not even in years. However, I am confident some of it will ease up, and in that opening, there will be comfort. Room to breathe.

Happy Thanksgiving Sasha.

Welcome to the club we all wish we could say we weren't a part of.  I am also still rather new at this, less than 2 weeks, but I will say I definitely agree with you on listening to music being a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.  I usually walk a mile to work from the train station and listen to music on the walk, but I had to change to listening to an audio book because much of them music on my phone was really my wife's.  I think the important thing to think about is to ask for help when you need it, and share as you need to.  We all have our own way of dealing with grief.  

It is definitely good that you have family and children around you to help you through this time.  Take comfort in them. But also take time for yourself. 

Thank you for the sweet welcome.

I am Sosammy. My husband died 1 month ago. He had a heart attack while we were playing ball. he spent 2 days in ICU, but his brain went too long without oxygen. I had to make the decision to stop the medication that was keeping his heart going. He was only 63 and had never had any health problems before. This is the hardest journey. The profound loneliness even in a room full of people is horrible. Somedays I think I keep so busy so that the memories don't have a chance to catch me, but they always do. Today is Thanksgiving and I tried to focus on all the wonderful blessings we had but I cried all the way home. 

Sosammy I am so sorry. I wish we didn’t have to meet here. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly just 3 days after his 68th birthday. He went in for routine hip surgery, was rehabbing at home for 2 weeks then I called 911 when he couldn’t breathe. It was a roller coaster in the hospital as we we planning his return.

This is excruciatingly painfully. My busyness is in handling all the business matters which can also be exasperating.

My first Thanksgiving today without Marty was 50/50. Better part of the day spent with friends was neutral- no pain and laid back- but the hour drive home broke me.

You’ll find wonderful compassion here. I’m learning to go slower, let my feelings out and sometimes just take it hour by hour. I also joined to local grief groups for weekly support. I also have a counselor. And I have a PenPal here. My family lives far from me but we talk every day. That all helps. You’re in a loving place.

Sosammy, my condolences. It is good that you have found us. Read thru what we have said and please feel free to share what you wish. Our journeys  are unique but we understand and will not judge you. Please take care of yourself.

I dislike the holidays. Between the couple commercials and missing Stu. Even after 2 years it’s hard. We always had each other at thanksgiving and Christmas. I have my brothers over for The holidays and celebrate with my son. But being with him and getting him something he enjoyed was the fun and enjoyment of Christmas. I can’t wait until January.

I agree that “new normal” is Bad phrase. I wish someone came up with a better one. Explain how you have to carry-on after what happened

hugs photonut

Dear H2017, No need to apologize for "rambling" - although I didn't think you were doing so. Condolences. It is good that you are here because although each circumstance is different, we've all lost someone important to us and we can all relate in one way or another to what you are saying. Come here and share what you wish and read what we've written. This is a terribly lonely experience. You are very early in your grief. I cannot tell you that it gets easier, I've just gotten use to it. Even after 2 years, I still cry a lot and miss my wife and our life that we had together. I'm glad that you have friends and family near you that are supporting you. Take care of yourself. 

H2017, Oh! how I feel for what you are going through. My Helen passed away 30th June also snatched away by Stage 4 breast cancer and Helen went through most of the same things as your dear wife.  I did get an extra year with Helen she was diagnosed May 2015, but the end came very quickly, really brought on by sepsis. We had hospice at home but it was only 3 days she went that quickly.  We are a bit older than you 72 and 67 and we would have been married 48 years on the 8th November, but age doesn't spare you in grief.  I just want my Helen back, I know it can't happen but it does not stop me wanting. H2017, please do not apologize for letting out your thoughts I have found it is better to do that than have that worm wriggling around in your brain. I try to stay positive but the days are just wearisome at present.  Like you thank god for good family and friends, but when you close that door its just another world.  Ray  

H2017 - So, so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in February 2017 quite suddenly - complications after getting hit by a distracted driver right in our neighborhood while walking our new rescue dog. He was also 51, and we were married 30 years. I don't know what is worse - sudden death or the slow death that cancer can initiate. I am 10 months in, and I can honestly say that I feel as though I am turning a corner somewhat. As mentioned by others, you learn to live with it. It is a whole shift of focus - be kind to yourself. If I dwell on my grief, I can go to some dark places, but I am trying to maintain a positive attitude and live the life the way I know my husband would want of me. I also have two older kids - 26 and 28. One lives near me and one across the country. We all have had our struggles this past year, but we are doing okay under the circumstances. It's hard and it sucks, and I too mourn what would have been (retirement, travel, etc.). You are in a good place by coming here. Much love and support. I also attend a widow group every two weeks, and that has been so very helpful also - talking to others face to face. 

Dear H2017

I'm so sorry for the pain of losing your wife.  My husband of 20 years died in May, 2011 from kidney cancer.  He'd never been sick - not even the flu - our entire married lives.  Here I am 6.5 years later and of course, I still miss him.  But I am so much better than I was even 2 years ago.  Time definitely does make a difference - and community such as this helps.  Please keep reaching out to the folks here - it does help.  I attended Camp Widow 4 different times and it was great to be with people who get it.  Find a grief counselor and do the best you can - be kind to yourself.  It's a very long and painful process, I won't lie to you.  But there is the possibility of joy in your future.  I promise you.  


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