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You've come to the right place, there are so many wonderful people here to help!  

Hi Kim,

I lost my husband last October, after a two-week hospitalization. We also didn't know he was dying before that time. He was 43, and I was 31, and he was stepfather to my now 10 year old son. Our 2 year wedding anniversary was while he was hospitalized.

You will find the people who really get you and are most compassionate are those who have also suffered tremendous loss, especially those who have also lost their spouses. It is good you have reached out. Many people are uncomfortable with grief in our culture especially, and you probably have already experienced friends making empty offers of support or turning away from you. I am so sorry our world is like that. I agree with IBelieveInYou, your self-care is so important right now. Make sure you are sleeping.Make sure you are eating. Make sure you are drinking water. Take long, hot showers,and sit outside on sunny days. Nothing will probably feel good right now, but try to do the things that you know should feel good anyway.

I am in the Denver area too (Lakewood). There are some great resources here. I would check out The HeartLight Center http://www.heartlightcenter.org/ and get connected there. If you ever want to meet up for coffee, or just need some company some night,  send me a message and we can try and connect.

Debbie

Hey there girl. I totally understand the fear of the future. It seems unreal, like your life is not yours anymore. I'm terrified of being alone for the rest of my natural life ( as I'm 47), but we just have to ride this wave as hard as it is. Scott will always be in your heart and you'll be okay. Hugs for you!

Kim, I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband of 32 years passed on July 6th, unexpectedly of a heart attack. His name was Scott. I'm 51 and also a Kim. I can't even think about the future I guess because it doesn't feel like I have one, even with 4 grown children. I joined here instead of going to counseling. lol

Thank you, Kim.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

I started grief counseling last week and have gone to two support group outings.  One group is very social and that definitely seems more my speed.  I'm going to attend another widows/widowers support group tomorrow evening...we'll see how that goes.  I'm so lost.  I cannot fathom being happy ever again.  And I cannot fathom ever having another man in my life.  I know it's too soon, but the 20 years Scott and I spent together, we really and truly were each other's backbones.  No one gets me like he does. 

I have a hard time getting up and getting ready for work...the only thing that gets me out of bed is the fear of being in the house all day, where the wave of grief pounds me into the sand.  I can only take being in my house for a couple of hours in the evening before exhaustion sends me to bed.  I wished I felt comfort and peace at home.  I'm sure that makes Scott sad, because he loved the house and definitely had no problem being there by himself for long stretches of time.  Not me. 

I wish all of you comfort and peace right now.  This time of year is the worst.

Kim

I had to explain to my parents recently when they asked if a Christmas party would be "fun" that no, fun wasn't in the realm of possibility right now. The joy has been ripped right out of my life. We're not even trying to celebrate Christmas. No tree, no decorations. Going to the beach instead.

It's funny how we all react differently. At first, I was wishing I had a job to go to. (I work at home) Being at home you just can't get away from it. I spent a week with my parents and actually went a day without crying. Of course, I felt guilty afterward. I couldn't wait to get home to his familiar smells and see his stuff lying around the house. Now I kind of wallow in it. 

And the worst part is knowing that one person who "got" me is gone. I'm dealing with all these feelings and this soul-deep hurt, and the one person I want to talk to about it isn't here. I've always enjoyed being alone, but now I realize, I've never been alone. This is a whole different kind of alone.

Hope your days get, if not better, more bearable. 

Kim

Question: Am I crazy or is it normal to have severe mood swings? I go from happy and upbeat to crying like a baby... Just cannot stand it. I typically have my emotions very much in check.

I agree, Terry! Crazy!

Early on my experience of grief was described this way: I would be on the surface of the ocean peacefully floating. Then, without warning, I'd be at the bottom of the ocean floor being dragged across jagged rocks. Moments (or hours) later I'd be back on the surface as if nothing happened. So, no, I don't think you are crazy for having severe mood swings. What we have experienced is, in my mind, like having a limb detached. It's terrible. Focus on yourself. If you aren't hurting yourself or others, most likely your reactions are normal. 

Thanks everyone! 

Shasha, last night I felt really "happy", I had sent my 2 granddaughters Christmas sweaters, something Helen had always done.  I thought Helen would want me to send them - I really am not very good at this sort of thing but was delighted when my older granddaughter Lucy (19) sent me a picture of her in the sweater on facebook.  Tonight I am down in the depths again, wondering why this has happened (Helen passed on the 30th June). Its another one of those mood swings that I am having such difficulty with.  Ray

That was very sweet - I'm 100% sure Helen would be proud and happy. Sometimes I just wonder what is the point, but then it goes away.

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