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Early on my experience of grief was described this way: I would be on the surface of the ocean peacefully floating. Then, without warning, I'd be at the bottom of the ocean floor being dragged across jagged rocks. Moments (or hours) later I'd be back on the surface as if nothing happened. So, no, I don't think you are crazy for having severe mood swings. What we have experienced is, in my mind, like having a limb detached. It's terrible. Focus on yourself. If you aren't hurting yourself or others, most likely your reactions are normal. 

Thanks everyone! 

Shasha, last night I felt really "happy", I had sent my 2 granddaughters Christmas sweaters, something Helen had always done.  I thought Helen would want me to send them - I really am not very good at this sort of thing but was delighted when my older granddaughter Lucy (19) sent me a picture of her in the sweater on facebook.  Tonight I am down in the depths again, wondering why this has happened (Helen passed on the 30th June). Its another one of those mood swings that I am having such difficulty with.  Ray

That was very sweet - I'm 100% sure Helen would be proud and happy. Sometimes I just wonder what is the point, but then it goes away.


Yes, Sasha, I believe this must be normal, because I am very moody. I was more like you, but now I just feel numb. I have been working on cleaning up the garage. I have a lot of sorting to do, and plan to have a sale in the spring. I just hate being alone. I have two cats who are so sweet! they will pop right on my lap, which really comes in handy these days. A little affection from my little buddies.

I am so sorry for your loss. The pain sometimes is unbearable but what I find comfort in is prayer. When I feel dark and helpless I begin to pray and it helps. I know that the pain we are experiencing will eventually decrease but what we feel now is hard to explain. I pray that you have peace and know that your spouse is looking down from heaven and embracing you through these trying times hang in there my friend. 

Hi, I lost my husband of 32 years on July 6th. Massive heart attack. Totally unexpected. He was 56. I'm 51. Four kids. Our youngest graduates college next year, and we couldn't wait for that empty nest and a move to the beach .Then with one phone call all our plans fell apart. Now I'm living day to day wondering what the hell happened. And even after five months, it doesn't seem real. I was 19 when we got married. He practically raised me. I'm just looking for a place I don't have to keep on a brave face for the kids. I hate this boat we're all in, and am truly sorry for everyone. I don't think it's possible to really understand the depth of loss until it happens to you.


I, too, was married at the age of 19 and soon after our 30th wedding anniversary, I lost my husband suddenly also in February. He was 51 (I am 50). He was out walking our recuse dog in our neighborhood when he was hit by a distracted driver. We initially thought he would recover with four fractured ribs, but pneumonia set in, leading to sepsis and ARDS. I found him struggling to breath a week later, and he went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance on the way to the ER. We have two girls in their late 20s, and we were enjoying being empty nesters  while looking forward to our retirement years. You are right -no one really understands the depth of this kind of loss until it happens to them. I am 10 months in, and I am beginning to feel the fog lift a bit. I have learned that it is all about attitude. If I let myself go to that dark place, I can stay there -- but I refuse to do that. He would not want that. I am focused on self care and self discovery. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am growing and learning everyday. I think of him first thing in the morning when I wake up and last thing at night before I go to bed.  

Bless your heart. I admire your strength. What a shock to go through that...thinking it is only 4 broken ribs... and he would be well, and then to see him go down so quickly. Your attitude will pull you through My husband died over 5 years ago. He was 61 and our youngest was age 19. He was our late baby - our other two were ages 27 and 31)

We can all learn from each other and help each other get through this. 

Betweenwaves, I am so sorry for your loss. I also regret we are meeting here. That means we each in our own way, know the excruciating agony we are in which somehow words cannot express.

I lost my husband Marty just 3 months and 2 weeks ago. We married at 21; so young like you and yours. We had a wonderful, blessed, mostly love filled days, for 47 years. He went in for routine hip surgery on July 17. Then on Aug 1 I had to call 911 because he could not breathe. He survived 2 quintuple bypasses, 2 angioplasties and 1 hip surgery. We both expected to go home and enjoy our holidays plans for the winter. On Aug 28, 3 days after his 68th birthday and after 3 intubations to save him, I had to lay by his side to make it okay for him to go. Pneumonia turned to ARDS, and I am quite confident (even though the autopsy didn't say) SEPSIS was the real killer. I cannot stop replaying that last day in my mind. 

My grief counselor says - the sudden death, the passing of my dad 9 months before that. and then my mom only 2 weeks after my husband - I'm in a complicated form of grief, like PTSD. I believe it.  Every day, I have mainly and mostly pain. Just like week I venture out of my 2 grief groups and into a grief "social" group. We'll see how that helps - or not.

Prayers and {{{hugs}}} for you.

Thank You. Wow, I can't imagine what you are going through. I so hope you are able to find some peace in the groups you're in. The fact that you are even here and trying is a testament it your strength. It is heartbreaking and also a weird kind of comfort to read what other people have been forced to endure. 


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