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I am so sorry for your loss. The pain sometimes is unbearable but what I find comfort in is prayer. When I feel dark and helpless I begin to pray and it helps. I know that the pain we are experiencing will eventually decrease but what we feel now is hard to explain. I pray that you have peace and know that your spouse is looking down from heaven and embracing you through these trying times hang in there my friend. 

Hi, I lost my husband of 32 years on July 6th. Massive heart attack. Totally unexpected. He was 56. I'm 51. Four kids. Our youngest graduates college next year, and we couldn't wait for that empty nest and a move to the beach .Then with one phone call all our plans fell apart. Now I'm living day to day wondering what the hell happened. And even after five months, it doesn't seem real. I was 19 when we got married. He practically raised me. I'm just looking for a place I don't have to keep on a brave face for the kids. I hate this boat we're all in, and am truly sorry for everyone. I don't think it's possible to really understand the depth of loss until it happens to you.

Betweenwaves:

I, too, was married at the age of 19 and soon after our 30th wedding anniversary, I lost my husband suddenly also in February. He was 51 (I am 50). He was out walking our recuse dog in our neighborhood when he was hit by a distracted driver. We initially thought he would recover with four fractured ribs, but pneumonia set in, leading to sepsis and ARDS. I found him struggling to breath a week later, and he went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance on the way to the ER. We have two girls in their late 20s, and we were enjoying being empty nesters  while looking forward to our retirement years. You are right -no one really understands the depth of this kind of loss until it happens to them. I am 10 months in, and I am beginning to feel the fog lift a bit. I have learned that it is all about attitude. If I let myself go to that dark place, I can stay there -- but I refuse to do that. He would not want that. I am focused on self care and self discovery. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am growing and learning everyday. I think of him first thing in the morning when I wake up and last thing at night before I go to bed.  

Bless your heart. I admire your strength. What a shock to go through that...thinking it is only 4 broken ribs... and he would be well, and then to see him go down so quickly. Your attitude will pull you through My husband died over 5 years ago. He was 61 and our youngest was age 19. He was our late baby - our other two were ages 27 and 31)

We can all learn from each other and help each other get through this. 

Betweenwaves, I am so sorry for your loss. I also regret we are meeting here. That means we each in our own way, know the excruciating agony we are in which somehow words cannot express.

I lost my husband Marty just 3 months and 2 weeks ago. We married at 21; so young like you and yours. We had a wonderful, blessed, mostly love filled days, for 47 years. He went in for routine hip surgery on July 17. Then on Aug 1 I had to call 911 because he could not breathe. He survived 2 quintuple bypasses, 2 angioplasties and 1 hip surgery. We both expected to go home and enjoy our holidays plans for the winter. On Aug 28, 3 days after his 68th birthday and after 3 intubations to save him, I had to lay by his side to make it okay for him to go. Pneumonia turned to ARDS, and I am quite confident (even though the autopsy didn't say) SEPSIS was the real killer. I cannot stop replaying that last day in my mind. 

My grief counselor says - the sudden death, the passing of my dad 9 months before that. and then my mom only 2 weeks after my husband - I'm in a complicated form of grief, like PTSD. I believe it.  Every day, I have mainly and mostly pain. Just like week I venture out of my 2 grief groups and into a grief "social" group. We'll see how that helps - or not.

Prayers and {{{hugs}}} for you.

Thank You. Wow, I can't imagine what you are going through. I so hope you are able to find some peace in the groups you're in. The fact that you are even here and trying is a testament it your strength. It is heartbreaking and also a weird kind of comfort to read what other people have been forced to endure. 

Hi I'm new, my name is Cathy & I lost my husband this past August 12th I'm 53 & we were married for 28 years, he was my best friend., I'm looking for others for support and to talk to who understand what I'm going through. The holidays have been very difficult so far for me. I already went through our anniversary which was Sept 3, his birthday Nov 7 & of course Thanksgiving. I did pretty well though all those but been having a hard time this month with with all the Christmas songs, decorations & memories I'm dealing with.  I look forward to talking to everyone.

Hi Cathy. My name is Laura, I'm 54 and my husband also died Aug 12th, but in 2016. We were together 32 years.

I had to move far away to start a new life in a completely unfamiliar place where I only knew one person. I couldn't take staying where I experienced constant reminders of his painful last year. Now that I am starting over in a place where we had never been, I am more in control of the memories I choose to look back on. 

I had been doing pretty well for the last few months, but this week it hit me hard again! I guess it will probably always be like this: we go for longer and longer periods between waves of grief. Just when we begin to feel almost normal, WHAM! We collapse in a flood of tears. 

Widowed village is a good resource of good people who all have experienced this incredible emotional pain. Good luck to you. Feel free to reach out.

Hello! My name is Debra and I live in California. I've been a widow for eight years. I am an educational therapist and a life coach. I work with children who struggle in school to help them to understand their learning challenges and come up with strategies to work around them. I have a 23-year-old son.

I am hoping to connect with other people who have lost spouses and build community. Most of my friends are married, and although they are quite sympathetic, I feel that they do not understand my life as a widow.

My husband, Robin, had brain cancer and had what I would describe as a "good death" in 2008. He was my soul mate and my best friend. My son was 15 when he died. I've spent a majority of the past eight years since his death caring for others: my son, my mother, my father-in-law, and the children and families in my educational therapy practice. My son is getting to a place where he doesn't need me as much, my mother died two years ago, and my father-in-law died last month. It feels like I can now turn to more of my own needs now that my care-taking has diminished.

My father-in-law's death has rekindled my grief over Robin's death. I grew close to my father-in-law after my husband died; the two of us were both surviving spouses and, together, we kept the memories of our small family alive. Robin was an only child, and I wanted to step into my husband's role as care-taker for his father. It was a gift of love and not of obligation to care for him. Dad's death, I realize, represents the true ending of my marriage and this brings me full circle to the loss of my husband.

I look forward to meeting you!

Hi Debra,

I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that your father-in-law's death has brought your grief back to the surface.  I am a new widow - my husband passed 22 days ago.  I'm getting hit by the grief waves like crazy right now.  And now I'm dreaming about him dying, which is just awful.  

I wish you peace and comfort.  I wish that for us all here.  This sucks.  

Hi denverkim:

You are right. It sucks. I can honestly tell you that it does get better. There are moments of grief that will return, but they become moments. Your loss is so recent and raw. I am sorry that you are living through this acute phase of grief. It is all part of the process. May you find peace and comfort as well. I am grateful that in the midst of your great pain, you were able to reach out to me and offer comfort. You are amazing. Thank you so much!

Hi Debra,

I see you live in Pasadena.    If you want to meet some widowed people closer to you, our local meetup will be meeting on the 28th at 11:30 a.m. at the Raymond, 1250 S. Fair Oaks, Pasadena.  

Here is the link:  https://www.meetup.com/San-Gabriel-Valley-Widows-Widowers-Soaring-S...

See you then!

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