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Greg, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband unexpectedly a little over 5 months ago. He too, was the love of my life. So many people here know what you are going through, and I've been able to find comfort in that. It's beautiful the way you love your wife. There are so many things I miss about my husband. You mentioning you miss Patti waiting for you on the front porch touched me. I still sit on my front porch waiting for my husband to come home from work. I now realize it was the best part of my day, and oh how I wish I had told him that more often.

Betweenwaves:

Thank you for your condolences. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. You loved him very much and I am sure he knew your favorite part of the day was when he came home. If you had told him that even once, I assure you he never forgot it.   Yes, every day when I come home I look at our front porch, if only for a second, just to catch a glimpse of her. That's probably the hardest time of the day for me, coming home from work.  Our usual routine after my day at work was to lay in bed, snuggle, watch TV and talk about whatever was happening, usually it was about the kids. I miss that so much. We started doing weekend adventures this year, just the two of us, where we would pick a destination ( ghost town for example) and drive to it for the day. I miss that so much. Its so hard  Betweenwaves to get up in the morning on the weekends and not be able to spend it with her. She was my world as I am sure your husband was the world to you. 

It's been 2 months since my husband, Gary, died (age 74 - heart attack.) We were together 42 years, married nearly 40. Each day is a painful struggle to find a way to adjust to life without his loving presence. I know it's a "new normal" which I must somehow work out and through, but the concept of these current days ever being "normal" to me is unthinkable. I'm thankful to have found this site and read that, eventually, normalcy doesn't have to remain a continual state of deep, agonizing grief. To those of you who are also recently bereaved, I extend my heartfelt condolences, but also gratitude for sharing your thoughts and feelings at such a time. I don't feel comforted by the pain of others, but do feel connected, less alone, and assured that my emotional and mental instability doesn't mean I've lost my mind (yet.) I could have written many of those posts myself. To those of you who are further along in this journey, you give me hope there are, eventually, better days ahead and, though life will never be the same again, it can meaningful, even maybe good again. I can't envision that yet, but I'll trust you veterans on that. Thanks to all of you for being here.   

Hi everyone,
I am 52years old,51 when I lost my husband,52, in July.
We met in the highschool and got married 29 years ago.
With him,every single day was like a Christmass day.Waking up with joy,loving our cosy evenings,feeling happy safe and relaxed.We had a simple but wonderful life,full of warmth,care,love.Our marrital vows are completed now:"for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part'...At only 52.
No me without him and my soul died with him.I am only here to support our children.I keep running our family business although I lose focus and sometimes make mistakes.I often cry,feel dizzy and fainted,have grieving waves,so I need to sit down for a while.I sleep only 3 or 4 hours every night which makes me very exsausted.

Our devastated friends promised support but never called me back.That was the very first time in my life when I did ask for help.Now I usually walk by myself in the park after work,then stay home alone talking to his pictures and our cat.
I am overwhelmed with guilt that we didn't seek second doctors opinion,but he looked so strong and healthy that we trusted our doctor.Over and over again I blame myself that if we went to another hospital,today he wolud be with us.I can't take it anymore and guilt suffocates me till I can't breath.If you know how to deal with this,please,share!
I have another problem with my daughter,A grade medical student last course,who is about to choose an object this year.Watching helplessly her father's agony and comma,crying and asking him to respond,she lost her interest in life and study.She stays at her room,don't see her friends ,looks deeply sad and unhappy.So healthy child before,now she gets ill almost every week.I do my best to give her all my strenght but there is not much left.Seing her suffering makes my heart bleeding again.
I see beautiful families going shopping for Xmass together or to a party,they are so excited,shining and happy.I wish they never have a reason to join us!And I wish all of you piece and health for you and your loved ones!Thanks for reading me.

Oh! Mareli  I see you are hurting so bad, it's so difficult finding words to help you through such a difficult time. I lost my Helen in June and found the whole thing really made for more exhausting through the lack of sleep.  6 months on I still rely on sleep aid medication. Getting a reasonable nights sleep doesn't change the situation but it gives me the strength to manage what I have to do, day to day. I have not had the need to look for counseling up to present, having the support of really good friends but it sounds like your daughter does need some help of some sort. I am staying with my son's over Christmas but really want it all over and done with, so I can get back to my new normal. Please use this site to get your feelings out there. Ray

Mareli, It is good that you have found us. Like HelensRay says, use this site to express your thoughts. You may have to ask your friends and family members for help with specific things. All of us have experienced, to some degree, the fact that our society has no idea to support those who grieve as we do. Can you get you and your daughter to a group or individual counseling session? My son and I found it to be somewhat helpful. For you, loosing your husband is like loosing more than just the man. Like my wife and I, we were together for a long time and death came unnaturally young (my wife was 50 when she had a sudden and unexpected heart attack). I feel like 2/3 of me is gone: my wife and the relationship that defined my entire life and personality. It's been 2 years and I still cry and suffer from guilt much as you have. I know though that she would not want me to stop living. As you say, we have our children to live for still. Since my wife's death, my children and I have taken brief holidays away from work and we've found that helpful. Hang in there. Take care of yourself and your daughter. You are in my thoughts today. 

Hi, yes the pain is excruciating. I met Ray 43 years ago and like you it was missed and he died of advanced cancer 47 days later. Try to let go of the guilt. Your intention was love for him and you would have done anything for him. These things just happen. Remember when we have good intentions that is what we have to remember. The world is flawed sometimes and mistakes happen. The friends thing is common and that is why you landed up on this site. Everyone here understands and knows how you feel. I tend to think others can't cope and therefore they can't help us.You will get thru this. Good days and bad days. Reach out to all who can be there for you and us. It is early days and you will become stronger. Sending you love and good thoughts. 

Mareli,

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my 51 year-old husband in February after he was hit by a distracted driver while walking our new rescue dog in our neighborhood. Initially, he had four fractured ribs, but within a week, that progressed quickly into pneumonia, then ARDS and sepsis. We did everything the doctors told us to do, but the infection just really took hold. He ended up in cardiac arrest on the way to the ER - and CPR was administered so long, brain death was eminent. It was a very sudden, unexpected death.

We were also high school sweet hearts, and married for 30 years, so I fully understand what it means to lose your soul mate. I am only 50. If I let it, I could suffocate from the grief also, but I know he would not want that for me. Please try not to feel guilty because carrying that is so hard. And you did everything you thought was the right thing to do at the time.

 I also do not blame the guy who hit my husband. What good would it do? It will not bring my husband back. And my husband would not want that for me. I am trying to stay positive and finding ways to move forward while honoring him by living my life to the fullest. We have two girls, age 26 and 28. My oldest has had a hard time, but the fog is starting to lift a bit. I go to group therapy for widows twice a month, and it has been very helpful. I see a therapist regularly, and I also went to camp widow in August, which was very comforting as well. Have you and your daughter talked to any therapists? It may give you both coping strategies. Blessings to you and your daughter. 

Thank you so much. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in this nightmare.My younger daughter had a surgery yesterday and another one is schedualed next Fri.Waiting in the hospital where my husband died,I felt lonely and desperate.Is this the way we are going to spend the rest of our lives?Can you call it life?I call it cruelty, punishment, sadism, meaninglessness.
I was happy that my girls came home for Xmas like in the good old times.The empty home and grieve will hit me at the moment they leave me.Now I am glad I'm getting older but the time goes so slow...
I received lots ot text messages greetings from friends but no invitations to get together,just to talk or mix with people.Time to face the truth:our friends,who used to run to our home for support,comfort,protection during their divorces and problems,will never be there for me and my children.I feel so humiliated listening to lame excuses.Enough,we don't deserve all this.
I want to wish you happy new year but I just can't.I hope that 2018 will ease our pain a little,bring us good health and good new friends.I'm so glad I found you!

Hi Mareli,

Your post is so heartbreaking.  This journey we were put on seems so unfair.  I met my wife in junior high school and we were married 34-1/2 years.  All our plans and dreams were abruptly interrupted for 8 years as she battled ovarian cancer.  I did think about our marital vows quite often.  I thought, "this sickness and in health" part (at least the sickness part) is a vow that I never really thought we would have to deal with at such a young age.

I had trouble sleeping as well for quite a while but refused to medicate myself at all.  It is exhausting!  I had difficulty spending evenings in my quiet, lonely home so I would drive around in the evenings and weekends.

The guilt is so hard to deal with, but in the end, you have to know that you did all that you could!  I searched for answers everywhere and sought second and third and fourth opinions always wondering if I was missing something.  In the end, my wife knew we had done all that was humanly possible and I'm sure your husband knows you both did too.  I found a Griefshare program and it helped me deal with guilt issues.  Though, never completely.  The world just does not seem right any more, but somehow, I push through.

All my best,

Bruce   

Greetings, I'm Susan and my LH died on New Year's Day January 1, 2015. He was snoring at 7 am and I found him resting peacefully a few hours later. My daughter and I were home.  I intentionally traveled with my daughter over the holiday not to be in the house.  I moved this year and thought we could change the need to escape and stayed home.  So far so good.  I've been active with Widow's groups in the area and attended 2 Camp Widows.  I'm very thankful for company, support and safe place to speak up about how I feel today even though its been 3 years.  For 2018 I'm seeking to make room for the new and all that encompasses.

Susan, I am considering a move as I feel emotionally stuck living in the same house.  Did changing the geography produce positive psychological benefits for you?

Mrs. M.

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