I lost my husband on March 3, 2018 at 41 years old. We had been married for 15 years, inseparable for 18 years. We had one of those whirlwind, love-at-first-sight romances. Our kids are just 10 and 14.
He was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis on August 7, 2017 and assured that with lifestyle changes he would be back to normal life expectancy. He immediately made a complete turn-around in his life, getting rid of all alcohol and fatty foods, drastically cut his salt intake, started exercising. His disease progressed rapidly. There were many hospital stays over the next few months. By November, he needed a cane to walk short distances, a wheelchair for anything longer. He desperately needed a liver transplant, but because he admitted to drinking they wouldn't transplant him until it had been at least 6 months and he had completed a 3-week inpatient rehab program. By the time we learned of the transplant centre's requirements, he was too sick for any rehab centre. In January he was admitted to the hospital for the last time. His blood pressure dropped dangerously, his temperature plummeted, his kidneys were shutting down, and the doctors advised me to let him go. I had him transferred to a larger hospital, where they stabilized him. Many things happened over the next 6 weeks. I fought hard to get my husband the liver transplant he desperately needed. I got a lawyer and did media interviews. By the time the doctors finally agreed to grant him a transplant, it was too late. They took him to the OR for the transplant surgery and discovered that his entire small intestine had died. There was nothing more they could do for him. I lost my best friend on March 3, 2018.
I am fortunate that I have wonderful supportive friends surrounding me, carrying my children and I as we walk this awful journey. My parents are staying with us for the time being as well. I'm exhausted and angry and feeling completely lost.
Dear Redwidow, my condolences. It is very good that you have found the WV. I hope that you find peace and helpful, understanding thoughts here. You are very new to this journey that we are all on. It is very hard. If you are experiencing a fog right now, don't push it away; it is there to protect you. Having friends and family near is a real blessing. Right now, concentrate on yourself and your children. Put one sock on at a time - it's a real accomplishment. Your love story is much like mine. I met my wife on a blind date in highschool and we were together for 32 years (25 in marriage). Thankfully our adult children still live with me. Write what you want here. Many times I've been helped through the terrible waves of grief by the words and experiences shared here.
Redwidow, so sorry about your loss and particularly the circumstances surrounding it. The loss is just so hard, Helen passed away 9 months ago last Friday, but when you have the pain and anger about the manner of the loss you must be in the wilderness. And having to show support for a 10 & 14 years old must be so draining. I hope you get as much emotional support from WW as I have. If you need to get those worm like thoughts out of your head in the late of night or early hours of the morning when sleep won't come this is the place to vent or let out your cries.
Your story sounds a lot like mine, except the time-frame was much shorter. When we learned my husband had cirrhosis, it was October 16, 2016, and his liver was already failing. About a week later they confirmed his kidneys were failing as well. He was hospitalized for two weeks, in hospice for one day, and took his last breath on October 30, 2016, at the age of 43. I was 31. In a couple weeks I turn 33. I am raising my 10 year-old son, Owen, who has special needs and was my husband's step-son. My son's dad is an abusive man, and lives in another state. My husband Shane did not qualify for a transplant either, because he was literally drinking the day he ended up going to the hospital. We were only married for two years; in fact our 2nd Anniversary was Oct. 18th, while he was hospitalized. I am glad you have supportive friends and family. You will find you need to rely on others for somethings, and for somethings you will find strength within yourself. You will find a lot in common with many people here. (((hugs))) to you.
I lost my dear husband to liver cirrhosis too. He was diagnosed on December 23, 2016, and died on February 10, 2017. The only hope we had was to get a liver transplant, but time was not in our favor. It is a terrible disease, indeed. My hubby never drank or smoked, did not have diabetes or high blood pressure. He was 47. It was a shock to both of us and my life changed completely after that. In one and a half month I lost the love of my live, my job, my house and my credit. We were married for 23 years and did not have children. I miss him every single moment of the day. Since he worked from home, I was the one who drove to work and came back home. I was with him every moment that I was not working.
It is normal that you feel angry. I was angry as hell, depressed, numbed and lost. This path is the worst that anyone has to walk. My parents have been (now I live with them) a blessing, and my four doggies. I am still taking antidepressants (Zoloft) and visit my psychiatrist every three months. I am from Puerto Rico, so as you can imagine, Hurricane Maria did not treat us well. The 2017 was a horrible year for me.
It is a long and hard road this that we are walking. Take one step at a time. You will be better, do not rush. I wish you peace.
Hugs to you,
Hello RedWidow, you are almost at the one month mark, that must seem impossible, that somehow you have lived a whole month without your best friend and your life's true love...how does that even happen?? How does it all just go on?? I imagine you are suffering from pure exhaustion, if I understand you, it has been a long terrible battle, the post traumatic stress is real. I am seven months out and still wake up trying to solve the problems or fuss with the doctor. But it seems a little better some days. I am glad you have your parents there, I agree with others, just take care of yourself and your children, rest and try to eat good and try to get a little sunshine. It will take time to get your own strength back. My true condolences to you
RedWidow, I am so sorry we meet. Here. I find this season of my life, an incredible, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, brain taxing, time. When I visit WV, For me, this is a place of so much understanding, as we've all lost our best friend.
My husband of 47 years died unexpectedly suddenly after routine hip surgery, 7 months ago, on Aug 28, 2017, just 3 days after his birthday.
Liver cirrhosis inhibited his body from fighting sepsis. He never told me any doctor diagnosed him with anything but FATTY liver. Different.
Even with a team of cardiologists, and his fighting hard for 28 days, they could not save him. With 2 quintuple bypass surgeries from age 45, on his side, there were, cardiologists, pulmonologists, (lung failure took him to emergency room), diabetes specialists, hematologists (they knew the infection was in his blood), oncologists (they were able to treat low platelet levels and probably some I forgot. I lost someone who was everything to me.
You have so much to be grateful for with friends and parents supporting you. I have just one adult son who lives on the west coast so I can't imagine having to be there for your children too although there are MANY here on WV who do/have done just that.
It is an exhausting time, which for me, magnifies every emotion I have, and dulls the world around me.
Sending you hugs and prayers. I hope you'll find this to be a place of connectedness, kindness and support, as I have.
RedWidow, I'm so sorry for your lost. Like others here, I also lost my husband to liver cirrhosis. He was 43 and passed on Nov. 3, 2016. We also fought the transplant system hard. I am thankful for people like you who spoke out and fought as well. There is so much frustration in the transplant program. We were told "one more month of sobriety." Half the team agreed to put him on the list, but it wasn't unanimous, so we got that. He died a week later after his third massive GI bleed.
In a way, I'm thankful we got as far as we did in the transplant system (we had just gone through all the tests and were in the hospital when he took a turn for the worse). He had support from his own doctor and of course all of us in the family. Most people believed he was conquering substance use disorder. But not everyone.
I'm digressing here. All I can say is "thank you for fighting so hard for the transplant." I did the same, but it was to no avail. I now spread the word for organ donation, early detection of cirrhosis, and early warning signs of addiction in young people.
I'm 15 months in to this slog. I have been where you are. I will not speak for anyone else but me, and in that I say, it has gotten easier and better for me. I laugh, I have joy, even though I thought I never would. In fact, it was unthinkable for me that I would ever feel as I do now. I have many many many more good moments than bad. I still wrestle with guilt over not being able to "save my husband," but I know it's irrational. Anyway, love to you. There was another side once I went through grief hell, and I hope there is for you, too.
RogueFour I am following this thread and want to THANK YOU for letting me see hope in your reply to RedWidow. I'm just 7 months into it and look for hope, so I can keep trusting God, in this season of my life. Thank you.
I am from Mumbai - India.
I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.
She left us - me and my 2 sons suddenly.
She was on Dialysis and suffering from 2 deadly diseases for last 15 years.
I feel lost, blank, depressed and in dark.
What do I do now ?
please help me as I don't feel like living anymore.
Naya, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so recent, I understand your terrible sadness. Because it is still so soon, give yourself time to grieve your loss. Remember that you have two sons that will continue to need you. It is very hard to find meaning in sudden loss, but know that we are here for you. Please check in and tell us how you are doing. That is what the group is here to do, to lend support. (((Hugs)))
I don't understand what to do and how to do ? It seems that my mind has stopped working..
I am unable to think and just mechanical and artificial living.
I am unable to understand how to face life without her..