This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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I don't understand what to do and how to do ? It seems that my mind has stopped working..

I am unable to think and just mechanical and  artificial living.

I am unable to understand how to face life without her..

Naya, this is perfectly normal.  It's called "widow brain" or "widower brain", if you prefer.  People say that when you lose a spouse you lose half of who you are, but in reality you lose 2/3 of who you are, because in a marriage there is yourself, your spouse, and "us".  You have lost the spouse and the "us" -- so 2/3.  That is an awfully big chunk of who we are to lose. Over time, "yourself" can regenerate to fill that "us" space.  But this is a journey that takes time.

I am glad that you have found this community.  I did a quick look to see what particular issues widowers face in India (I know that societally it is horrible for widows in India but it may be different for men)  but was unable to find anything.  I don't know if this means that your situation is unusual; if so, that could make you feel very isolated.  It would probably be helpful for you to explain some of this.  Most of us here (not all but most) seem to be in US and Canada, and there could be some societal differences we are not aware of.

The truth is that this is a long, hard journey and we navigate it one day at a time.  What I will say is that there are no shortcuts through grief.  It has to be felt.  If it's suppressed, it can result in health problems.  I threw myself into "not being like my mother" who became a miserable person after her husband died, hid my feelings, and ended up with an autoimmune disease.

I hope you have other family around to help support you emotionally.  Here in the US, that can be hard because here we tend to be very uncomfortable with death.  Your best source of comfort will be your sons, who need you to be there for them.  You can teach them an important life lesson by showing them that it is OK to love, to grieve, to feel.  

Please visit this site as often as you need to.  This is the "club none of us wanted to join", but it is a welcoming one, and those of us who have endured and thrived are here to help those just starting this journey.

In India, there is no visible help and support system in place for the widow or widower similar to Widowed Village or Soaring Spirits

so, it is pretty difficult for someone like me to pass through and face the difficult times in India.

and that is why I have reached this Community for help and support to face the most difficult challenge and life changing event of my life.

I hope that this Community helps, supports and guides me by hand-holding to face, cope, overcome and win the challenges !

I am so sorry for your loss nayajivan. As a few have said, you are so early in your loss. And we each are going to mourn and grieve differently. For me even 7 months and a week into this season of life, the anguish, anxiety, broken heart is so deep.

This is a wonderfully supportive community. Have you signed up for a penpal yet? I did early on and have found just that ONE thing, where I hear from someone HERE in this community, regularly via email is wonderful. 

What about in your place of worship for support? Maybe people are quiet there however, there may be some support there. Or something specific online. You've probably already searched for such.

In the meantime, we can help with being here to listen and let you know, we feel your pain. In my less than 7 months here I've found only support in this community.

Hi Everyone . Still trying to navigate my way around the site. Not quite sure how to connect with folks. I live in NC and I suddenly and inexplicably lost my husband in Dec 2016. I would love to connect with folks my age and those near the SE coast in NC. I have friends but no family. However I would truly enjoy connecting with fellow widow(er)s. Best to all of you. Anita

Hello Anita,

So sorry to hear of your loss.  My husband has been gone since February.  I am 58 and live in Wyoming, may not be close in distance, but we are close to heart.

Oh your loss is so new and fresh! I'm so sorry. I remember at 2 months putting on the brave face and telling everyone I was "fine."  Do you do that?  I wish I hadn't been so proud and stubborn.  I wish I would have taken up people on their offers to help. No matter how vague they were. 

I tell everyone, "I'm fine" many times a day. The folks at work are very supportive and my parents have been wonderful, but most days I just want to curl up in a corner.  Thank goodness I am able to stay busy and take care of others.  I'm also staying busy at home with remodeling the house like we had planned and soon I'll be able to be outside playing in the dirt, flowers and vegetables.

Hi  Anita I lost my husband 10 months ago and recently moved to Rocky Mount NC to get away from it all. I would certainly love to connect with you. I moved here to be closer to family but I must tell you sometimes I feel so isolated from them and believe they do not understand what I am going through.

Hi!  I would love to get together. I am in Ohio until early getting my son thru chemo, but I'll return home to NC in early June. And you're right, they have NO idea what you're going through. But you can take comfort that they are just there. Company, noise, useless chatter and small talk, a hug if needed. Those are all good things, even if not exactly what you need. Where were you before you moved to Rocky Mount?  How long were you married? 

Hi all

Glad to have found this site. I lost my husband of 41 years Oct. of 2015. We had been together 41 years, since I was 16. We had no children. Still trying to adjust to this new life, don't think I ever will. 

Intro -- I'm "norm" in TX.  Lost my wife of 52 years 27 months ago.  Like everyone else, regardless of age or circumstance, I'm continually adjusting.  I believe in the words of Dr. Jim Conway -- “When you lose a mate, you lose part of yourself. It’s as if you’ve had an amputation of an arm or a leg. I think that you don’t really recover; you adjust, and the process of adjusting varies with every individual. There’s no formula.”

We widowers here are sort of a "rare breed" in that the ladies generally outlive us.  But we all suffer the loss and have to face the changes. 

I found an organization called GriefShare helpful in getting me as far as I have.  (It's highly Christian oriented.)

May all here emerge from your adjustment periods stronger than you entered it.


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