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Hi  Anita I lost my husband 10 months ago and recently moved to Rocky Mount NC to get away from it all. I would certainly love to connect with you. I moved here to be closer to family but I must tell you sometimes I feel so isolated from them and believe they do not understand what I am going through.

Hi!  I would love to get together. I am in Ohio until early getting my son thru chemo, but I'll return home to NC in early June. And you're right, they have NO idea what you're going through. But you can take comfort that they are just there. Company, noise, useless chatter and small talk, a hug if needed. Those are all good things, even if not exactly what you need. Where were you before you moved to Rocky Mount?  How long were you married? 

I am the opposite. I am afraid to leave because everyone here knew Martin and those connections have saved me in a way. Sometimes we expect more from people who don't understand. And sometimes they really don't know what to say. Hang in there!

Hi all

Glad to have found this site. I lost my husband of 41 years Oct. of 2015. We had been together 41 years, since I was 16. We had no children. Still trying to adjust to this new life, don't think I ever will. 

Intro -- I'm "norm" in TX.  Lost my wife of 52 years 27 months ago.  Like everyone else, regardless of age or circumstance, I'm continually adjusting.  I believe in the words of Dr. Jim Conway -- “When you lose a mate, you lose part of yourself. It’s as if you’ve had an amputation of an arm or a leg. I think that you don’t really recover; you adjust, and the process of adjusting varies with every individual. There’s no formula.”

We widowers here are sort of a "rare breed" in that the ladies generally outlive us.  But we all suffer the loss and have to face the changes. 

I found an organization called GriefShare helpful in getting me as far as I have.  (It's highly Christian oriented.)

May all here emerge from your adjustment periods stronger than you entered it.

Hugs, norm

Thanks, L.H.

My name is Denise. I lost my husband, Martin 18 months ago. We were married for 30 years. It was unexpected. I spent a good three hours waiting for the funeral home to come in the middle of the night. I stood in my kitchen and repeated the words, "Holy F*ck" over and over again. I had no tears. I managed to call my mother, I managed to call family and the kids. The EMT's were my neighbors. It was absolutely surreal. We talked about parties instead of funerals and cremation. We used to joke about dividing up our ashes into 4 ziploc bags for the kids (with one large) when both of us were gone for the them to sprinkle us somewhere. 

I had carried a shirt with me to the funeral home because I needed to identify Martin. My oldest children were with me. In the car, they were fighting over the radio and the music. I asked them to just turn on my radio, no personal choices. And our song came on. The kids were in disbelief and I know that it was a sign that I had made choices Martin would be happy with.

I used to tell Martin that if he went first, I would never remarry. I realized the night he left us that I was a liar, because I don't want to be without the kind of love I have for him. At the same time, if it never happened again, I am fulfilled. I have a wonderful life in spite of some struggles and Martin was a funny, smart, multi-talented man whom I love unconditionally-even in death. I was overwhelmed with how many people came to our party because I did not publish an obituary. I don't remember much of that day, except the date and that my friend Elle brought her keyboard so my son could sing our song and one of Martin's favorites- Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams and The Counting Crows, It's Raining in Baltimore. 

Grief is like waves. Some tides are low and easy and other days, the waves overtake me and I can't believe I have 25 more years without him. My children seem to focus on what won't be, but I try hard not to because I would be worthless to the people around me. We loved each other and had more than some will have in a lifetime. Our "lifetime" was 31years and I have no regrets about anything. Truly. My mother pointed out to me, in the week after,when people were bringing food and doing our yard work that everything was right in Martin's world when we went to sleep. He did go the way most people dream of and our day and date that evening prior were awesomely spent with great friends, music, dancing. Who would ask for more? I look forward to meeting new friends and offering support to people. We all need peace and peace of mind. Transitioning is hard, but taking it one day at a time is how I roll. :) 

Quite an intro, Denise.  I can identify with the part of the long wait for the funeral home people.  Sadly, we can't go around the grieving process, but must travel through it, and everyone travels at a different pace.  Peace be with you.

I am totally new here, in fact it is Friday and my husband died Tuesday.  I can't believe it has only been a few days.  Yet as someone said to me I have experienced a lifetime of grief and loss and emotions.  So I guess ...
Denise what you have written resonates with me so much.  So much of what you have said I feel already.  I find so much comfort (if that is possible at this point) in your words.  
The grief sure is life waves.  Right now from moment to moment. 

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss, and so recent.  I know for me, the first few days I was numb, in shock.  For now, moment to moment is the only way to take things.  My motto, stolen from Dory, has been "just keep swimming" since I lost my husband.  Don't hesitate to reach out to any of us, hugs to you... Peggy

I am so sorry, Firefly.  My husband died in February, I went in to work the next day, because I didn't know what else to do.  This is your time, take it and do what feels right for you. Hugs, Izzie


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