I too lost my best friend /soulmate /husband about 15 months ago after being married for 30 years. I am now 51, and our two daughters are in their mid-twenties. Even though they are no longer living at home, I am still keeping it together for them. We all miss him, and the void his passing has left in our lives is so very obvious. Yes it is hard, but just when we think can't deal with it anymore, we somehow find the strength to keep moving forward. We do so to honor his memory. Since you live in Southern California, I suggest that you attend the widow camp in San Diego. It will unite you with many other widows and widowers from all over the country as well as offer tools to help with the grieving process.. Information should be listed on this site. I think it is in July this year. You are not alone - I understand exactly what you are going through.
And if you feel you can't afford it, remember there are camperships available. It will pay for your camp fee, but hotel, transportation and food are your responsibility. If you need a ride, i live near Downtown Los Angeles. i would be happy to give anyone a ride to San Diego...
thank you for the offer Lupe's husband, right now I have my daughter's promotion and my son's birthday. I look into the camp
My name is Liesel. I'm new here and a new widow. It's been 3 days. I can't believe that. I'm still tying to get my head around it. It seems like it's been a lifetime since I was blindsided. I am 51, my husband was 53 and died of a heart attack. Sudden, unexpected, blindsided. I have a 9 year old son. I can't believe this. I can't hear my husbands name, I can't hear stories about him. All I can do is try and get my head around the fact that he is gone. And even then I can't let that hit me full force. Mostly I've been focusing on the fact it's just me now. Me and my son. I have a wonderful bunch of friends but I need to connect with some people that know just what I am going through. I need to know I can get through this, that there are people that are getting through it too. I know it is going to be a long, hard horrible road. I am trying to take my positive moments and thoughts and store them up because I know I have dark times ahead. I'm so scared.
Today I go to do the final viewing and then Mikes body will be cremated. How is this my life now.
Oh I'm so sorry for your loss Liesel, and so recent. I know for me, the first few days I was numb, in shock. Your friends are going to be a good support but until they experience this horrible thing it's not possible for them to understand. If I can give you some advice, when they want to help, let them. You're going to find the next little while that you're exhausted, trying to function while grieving is exhausting. For now, moment to moment is the only way to take things. My motto, stolen from Dory, has been "just keep swimming" since I lost my husband. Don't hesitate to reach out to any of us, hugs to you... Peggy
Thank you Peggy. I need to hear from people that know what I'm feeling right now. Thank you so much. I feel so needy. I am being totally selfish and letting my friends do everything for me. I can't handle trying to function. I'm so scared I'll burn them out and they will disappear. I love them dearly but it hurts so much to know they get to go home to their husbands and I don't have mine. Ever, ever again.
For me, it took a while before I allowed folks in to help me and I regret that now. A friend who had also suffered the sudden loss of her husband reached out to me almost immediately after the news was out and speaking to her was invaluable. I kept asking her, "is this (whatever weird thing I was experience) normal?" and she'd assure me that what I was experiencing was not uncommon. It was a comfort to speak with her. The exhaustion and, eventually, the anxiety, was a shock to me. I don't have any children but at the time of my husband's death, I had two dogs and on the day he died, I promised myself that I would get up every day, have a shower, every day and keep the dogs on their routines. Those three things were about all I could handle and were enough to make me feel like I was accomplishing something every day. I certainly never expected to be a 48 year old widow but that was my new reality. Took me a while to learn how to navigate by myself but I got there eventually. You'll figure how to get back to functioning again...and your friends love you and want to help you, so let them. You won't burn them out! I always say, you never ever ever get over something like this but you can definitely get through it.
I'm sure clinging to that ... that I can get through it. I know it's going to be a step by step day by day thing but oh man the pain. Day 4 ... I think and it's really starting to settle in. Right in the pit of my stomach and my heart of course. It's like I just want all the friends to go home and it be just Mike and I sitting side by side watching a movie and teasing each other. But then it hits me that will never happen again. It's over. My wonderful friends and support group are all I have left.
Raebee, I feel for you, and can remember how those early weeks (for I was still counting by the weeks at the stage you are) felt. My husband was also 58 when he suffered cardiac arrest at home, was revived only enough to be kept for a week in the hospital before dying almost 2 years ago, now. we were married just 34 years, and have five children. Most were still at home when my husband died, but being young adults, they have been buying homes, getting married, moving forward... as they should. But it's been rough!
I tried to write more but my computer started acting up and I had to just post what I had, which was not even what I wanted to say, just an introduction! trying again...
The early days of practical matters to attend give way to so many insights and hurts and ponderings. Some things are almost universal, while others will be unique to you. Know that friends here will always care and understand and feel free to share whatever and receive the embrace of being understood!