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Cushty1,

There is no way to predict this journey for you.  I have known some that get over in as few as several months then decide that they want someone new.  Of those some have even remarried in less than a year.  Then there as some that this is their new life and they will never get past it and this is the way they will leave this world.  Then there are some who will improve after 2+ years and then will resurface.  Only you will be able to determine the path for you.  I have discovered so many things that I just never really paid attention to when it was my wife and I together.  She really took care of me and I never really learned to cook so as you can imagine I am really struggling with that.  I would say my biggest and greatest problem is a simple lack of motivation.  As I said last time my level of support is really low.  It has been over a year since anyone has come to my house o visit me.  As you can imagine, being a man and not really being used to the house cleaning chores, it is hard for me to get the motivation to do much more than the routine chores that need to be done. 

Larry

@Larry;  I know this discussion is not about practical things, but you are a prime candidate for Blue Apron or Hello Fresh or one of the meal prep services.  They do all the weighing and measuring, and they provide detailed instructions on how to proceed.  You might consider giving one of those services a try.  I think their meals are for two, but if you can get past feeling upset about that, it means you only have to cook every other day.

Hi Cushty1,

I'm finding this really will be a journey as my emotions are all over the place these days. Thank you for the kind words. I'll be around.

Myfavorite

I get that. I talk to people I know who've gone through this. They all say it is going to take time but you will eventually find your way out of it. Right now I can't see it and it is too painful to express. I am just where you're at. I hope we are both able to get through this in one piece.

cushty1

I know what you mean about not being able to predict how this will go. So far it is quite like a roller coaster. Never liked them; they always made me sick. My husband also did a lot for me. He took care of the all the "adult" stuff so I lived a rather carefree existence. That worked for me then, now not so much. I have had a difficult crash course in adulting. People don't come around to see me much either. After he died the 'phone rang constantly. Now I hardly hear from anyone. It adds another layer of loneliness.

It is a struggle and I hope I can make it through in one piece.

Best,

Cushty1

Hello, I’m Chronicler. I was thrilled to find the Soaring Spirits International site! It was through a Ted Talk by Kelley Lynn on YouTube that I found this organization.

My husband died of cancer on his 46th birthday in 2017. We had only been married five years. Now, my first year of heartache and confusion in the aftermath of my husband’s death is over. Although I still grieve (believe me, I still grieve), I know that I must move forward in my life. I live in a small community and have had a hard time connecting with others who fully understand what widows and widowers feel and experience day to day. I look forward to being able to share stories and experiences with other members here.

Hello Chronicler. I would like to say welcome, but it seems somewhat out of place, so I'm glad you found the site but sorry you have to be here.

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband at so young an age. Cancer has made premature widows and widowers of far too many on this site.

The first year is filled with a lot of confusion, the settling of paperwork and such. I think it helps to numb the pain, though by the second year the fog seems to lift. I am almost at my second year anniversary and still trying to move forward and form a life. Sometimes it feels as if I'm living with a stranger within myself. I'm not who I was and I'm not really sure who I will be when the dust settles.

I am going to watch that Kelley Lynn Ted Talk. I think those talks are so interesting.

Hugs and peace to you.

Hey Tess! Many thanks for the greeting.

I do want to mention that the Ted Talk by Kelly Lynn is called "When Someone You Love Dies, There Is No Such Things as Moving On." It had been suggested by a few people that I need to "move on" from my grief. I don't think it was meant to be unkind. The Ted Talk helped me put things in perspective, using Michele Neff Hernandez as one of several positive examples of how we can take our loved ones with us (moving forward) and create something amazing.

Big hug.

Chronicler, so sorry that you are here with us. I too have just passed the first year milestone, I don't call it an anniversary, thats something you celebrate.  I have been fortunate to have family and friends that have not tried to suggest that I move on - if they did I would have moved on from them. Just wanted to pass on a little music that a lovely friend that I have found on this site passed on to me:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdtx-pxjX8A

Hope you find as much comfort from this site as I have.  Ray

Thank you for the words and the song, Ray. They help a great deal. :)

Chronicler

Hi - my husband passed away 5 months ago tomorrow.  We would be married 29 years this September 9th. I miss him and sometimes I feels like it’s been years and other times it feels like it just happened. When I walk around the house not knowing what to do with myself, it helps to read stories of others who do the same. It’s been a weird transition to figure out how to live alone with my dog. I have family near by who are wonderful. I’m blessed in that way. I feels as if I am supposed to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I thought that at age 54 I was well past that but now, I have sort of lost my identity and I need to grow up again. Maybe some day I’ll figure it out. I’m patient with myself and allow the pain to come and go and am thankful for the good days in between the bad. I think my husband would be proud of me - he was more of the going with the flow kinda guy while I was the “need order” type of person. He has taught me to just be. I wish I had found a way to understand this while he was alive because it would have made him happy. Here come the tears. I’ll let them flow and will remember my love and will wait for the pain of my heart breaking to come full force once again. 

I hope to meet some of you if you virtually and please let me know if anyone will be going to Camp Widow in tampa next year. I’m signed up and look forward to meeting some of you in person. 

Much love to you, Susi 

Hi Susi,

You described a lot of how I feel. It has been 17 months for me, and I am still figuring out what I want to do, the type of person I want to become, or where I want to go. I do know how important it is to stay positive!  I want to travel - I know that. I also want to volunteer and give back. So much to see and do, but some days, I am searching for the energy. It goes in waves. 

Yes, some days are better than others. I keep moving forward the best I know how because that is what my husband would have wanted for me.

Take care,

Kelly

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