I know what you mean about not being able to predict how this will go. So far it is quite like a roller coaster. Never liked them; they always made me sick. My husband also did a lot for me. He took care of the all the "adult" stuff so I lived a rather carefree existence. That worked for me then, now not so much. I have had a difficult crash course in adulting. People don't come around to see me much either. After he died the 'phone rang constantly. Now I hardly hear from anyone. It adds another layer of loneliness.
It is a struggle and I hope I can make it through in one piece.
Hello, I’m Chronicler. I was thrilled to find the Soaring Spirits International site! It was through a Ted Talk by Kelley Lynn on YouTube that I found this organization.
My husband died of cancer on his 46th birthday in 2017. We had only been married five years. Now, my first year of heartache and confusion in the aftermath of my husband’s death is over. Although I still grieve (believe me, I still grieve), I know that I must move forward in my life. I live in a small community and have had a hard time connecting with others who fully understand what widows and widowers feel and experience day to day. I look forward to being able to share stories and experiences with other members here.
Hello Chronicler. I would like to say welcome, but it seems somewhat out of place, so I'm glad you found the site but sorry you have to be here.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband at so young an age. Cancer has made premature widows and widowers of far too many on this site.
The first year is filled with a lot of confusion, the settling of paperwork and such. I think it helps to numb the pain, though by the second year the fog seems to lift. I am almost at my second year anniversary and still trying to move forward and form a life. Sometimes it feels as if I'm living with a stranger within myself. I'm not who I was and I'm not really sure who I will be when the dust settles.
I am going to watch that Kelley Lynn Ted Talk. I think those talks are so interesting.
Hugs and peace to you.
Hey Tess! Many thanks for the greeting.
I do want to mention that the Ted Talk by Kelly Lynn is called "When Someone You Love Dies, There Is No Such Things as Moving On." It had been suggested by a few people that I need to "move on" from my grief. I don't think it was meant to be unkind. The Ted Talk helped me put things in perspective, using Michele Neff Hernandez as one of several positive examples of how we can take our loved ones with us (moving forward) and create something amazing.
Chronicler, so sorry that you are here with us. I too have just passed the first year milestone, I don't call it an anniversary, thats something you celebrate. I have been fortunate to have family and friends that have not tried to suggest that I move on - if they did I would have moved on from them. Just wanted to pass on a little music that a lovely friend that I have found on this site passed on to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdtx-pxjX8A
Hope you find as much comfort from this site as I have. Ray
Thank you for the words and the song, Ray. They help a great deal. :)
Hi - my husband passed away 5 months ago tomorrow. We would be married 29 years this September 9th. I miss him and sometimes I feels like it’s been years and other times it feels like it just happened. When I walk around the house not knowing what to do with myself, it helps to read stories of others who do the same. It’s been a weird transition to figure out how to live alone with my dog. I have family near by who are wonderful. I’m blessed in that way. I feels as if I am supposed to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I thought that at age 54 I was well past that but now, I have sort of lost my identity and I need to grow up again. Maybe some day I’ll figure it out. I’m patient with myself and allow the pain to come and go and am thankful for the good days in between the bad. I think my husband would be proud of me - he was more of the going with the flow kinda guy while I was the “need order” type of person. He has taught me to just be. I wish I had found a way to understand this while he was alive because it would have made him happy. Here come the tears. I’ll let them flow and will remember my love and will wait for the pain of my heart breaking to come full force once again.
I hope to meet some of you if you virtually and please let me know if anyone will be going to Camp Widow in tampa next year. I’m signed up and look forward to meeting some of you in person.
Much love to you, Susi
You described a lot of how I feel. It has been 17 months for me, and I am still figuring out what I want to do, the type of person I want to become, or where I want to go. I do know how important it is to stay positive! I want to travel - I know that. I also want to volunteer and give back. So much to see and do, but some days, I am searching for the energy. It goes in waves.
Yes, some days are better than others. I keep moving forward the best I know how because that is what my husband would have wanted for me.
i want to travel as well. It’s like I have to make up for all the things “we” didn’t do because there was always going to be time later. In all of my adult life, I’ve never lived alone or did things by myself so it’s a difficult lesson to learn. I also understand the lack of energy. I’m now prone to insomnia, which doesn’t help.
For some strange reason, insomnia has not really affected me. I sleep well enough - it's just getting finding the motivation when I am awake. Although I am a teacher, and I did fine during the school year. It really kept me occupied. In many ways, that was good, but I also did not have a lot of "me" time. I think I am now using this summer to go at my own pace.
Perillo tours does have a section titled "Women's Journey" tours (Eat, Pray, Love inspired) that I have been looking into where everything is taken care of and I just have to show up. I have never lived alone or did things by myself either, so I understand completely. But, I am learning and I am managing. Yes, it can sometimes be difficult, but stay strong!
I relate so well to everything you write!! I thought we had time in the future to do what we wanted. The shock of his death hasn't left me.I have never lived alone or done things for myself either. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I get very scared sometimes. My husband was my comfort and rock.Now I have nothing. I feel like I have to start from scratch, like a kid who's going out in the world for the first time. I spent my whole life with him and now I am just lost and confused. He was my world. It is so hard for me now. I really miss him so much. I am trying to figure it all out and it is the most difficult thing I have ever done.
Hello I was widowed on May 3rd of 2018, I am very lost and alone. We were married for 34 years, our anniversary would have been in September. However I had known my husband for 40 years. I miss him so much. It is very hard to cope with this loss