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i want to travel as well. It’s like I have to make up for all the things “we” didn’t do because there was always going to be time later. In all of my adult life, I’ve never lived alone or did things by myself so it’s a difficult lesson to learn. I also understand the lack of energy. I’m now prone to insomnia, which doesn’t help. 

Hi Susi,

For some strange reason, insomnia has not really affected me. I sleep well enough - it's just getting finding the motivation when I am awake. Although I am a teacher, and I did fine during the school year. It really kept me occupied. In many ways, that was good, but I also did not have a lot of "me" time. I think I am now using this summer to go at my own pace.

Perillo tours does have a section titled  "Women's Journey" tours (Eat, Pray, Love inspired) that I have been looking into where everything is taken care of and I just have to show up. I have never lived alone or did things by myself either, so I understand completely. But, I am learning and I am managing. Yes, it can sometimes be difficult, but stay strong!



I relate so well to everything you write!! I thought we had time in the future to do what we wanted. The shock of his death hasn't left me.I have never lived alone or done things for myself either. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I get very scared sometimes. My husband was my comfort and rock.Now I have nothing. I feel like I have to start from scratch, like a kid who's going out in the world for the first time. I spent my whole life with him and now I am just lost and confused. He was my world. It is so hard for me now. I really miss him so much. I am trying to figure it all out and it is the most difficult thing I have ever done.

Hello I was widowed on May 3rd of 2018, I am very lost and alone. We were married for 34 years, our anniversary would have been in September. However I had known my husband for 40 years. I miss him so much. It is very hard to cope with this loss

Hello Tekwriter

i am so sorry for your loss. It is all so raw for you, being only two months since you lost your husband. I lost my Phil in March 2017 and I still feel so desperately sad. We have two children, Mike and Sammi, and we all look after each other. Phil and I had been married for nearly 36 years and I miss him so much. I feel that I am becoming a bit of a hermit, not wanting to go far from the house. Phil was only 56 and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, only 7 weeks before he passed away. It was such a shock. Life will never be the same.

do you have some good friends who will ‘look out’ for you? I have a few but many people have disappointed me. Hopefully you will have some people to talk to as it is very lonely. I am lucky that my daughter still lives with me and my son lives only 2 minutes away in the car.

i hope you find some comfort and friendship from people on this site. It helps to know that you are not alone. I feel that only people who have gone through such a loss as ours, truly understand how we are feeling.


I know where you're coming from. I have a very similar situation and experience. I feel the same way.I lost my best friend and the love of my life. Life is so desolate right now. I feel sad everyday.I pray that someday the intense feeling of pain and loss will subside. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced. 

I hope you get some help from this site. Everyone has been so positive and supportive. I hope it helps and strengthens you. It is nice to know there are wonderful people out there who will understand and help you on your new path. It has made a difference for me to know that I am not alone in this. I feel so fortunate to have found this site.  I hope you find comfort and peace. Bless you!


Hi, I’m Amy. I became a widow on March 14 when my husband collapsed on the floor of our kitchen and we never got him back. We have 7 children together ranging in age from 7 to 20. We had been married 21 years.

Amy, so sorry for your loss and in such a obvious traumatic experience. Any loss is horrendous but Helen and I knew what was about to happen, losing your husband in that manner must have so so bad, and so so bad for your young children.  I am glad that you have found us here and I hope you get the comfort and support that I have received since I lost my Helen 12 months ago. The only advice I can give is to let your thoughts out here, it is going to be difficult to stay strong for your children without having an outlet.  Hopefully you will have friends and family that you can talk too, but I have found that if others have not experienced the loss that you have they nod and sympathize but will seem uncomfortable and a little lost. Here at WV we know how bad it is, don't let those thoughts fester and wheel around in your head get it out of your head and onto paper. Love and peace to you Amy, Ray

Hello. I’m Barbara. My husband, Bill, died five years ago today. I joined this site that week feeling raw and broken — thinking I would never get through this. And I haven’t, nor do I want to. Bill is a part of me forever, so how would I “get through it” or “move on?” Move, I must, but move on as in leaving him behind — that’s not happening. Even if I should marry again, Bill is a part of the fabric of my being. He is the metallic, shiny, threads that give strength to my life’s tapestry.
Grief would be an interesting journey if it hadn’t happened to me. I liken it to being on a trail high above a canyon. Sometimes the trail was so close to the edge that I had to crawl. At times the path grew so slippery and the surroundings so dark that I froze until a little light shone through and I could press on, knowing I had to move to get out of this place. The dark times were almost eerie, and I would shake with fright and cry for someone to save me (usually Bill).
In my five year journey the bright times come more often, and when the dark closes in, I have more confidence and know I can get through it. But, even in the best of times, Bill is still gone.
I teach school; the beginnings of summers, or any break, are hard. Time off accentuates the aloneness.
I have made friends and lost friends. (We’re not contagious, but many act like we are.) Family has fallen away and disappointed. His family never mentions him and have gradually moved me out of their lives. His kids and grandkids are the exception. They are a joy.
My own family is afraid of anyone who they think might need them. I assumed, at first, that in the face of such tragedy, they would be different. They were, but it was short lived.
I write Bill letters when I’m facing tough times. I read the letters he wrote to me every “monthiversary.”
I am deeply grateful for the love, acceptance, encouragement, validation, admiration, and adoration he gave me. I smile about the good times and the silly things we would do together. Tears still come — this week more than I had expected.
I’m writing this to introduce myself and also to say that it gets better. I was so afraid I would forget things Bill said or did. I haven’t. I remember his voice, his sweet gaze, his laugh, the feel of his skin, and so much more.
I would welcome him back in a second. If he were to walk in the door today, he would tell me how proud he is of me and the things I have accomplished. And he would hug me and tell me how sorry he was that he couldn’t be here for me. But in a way, he has been. I sought out a counselor soon after his death, and one thing she said early on was, “Listen to Bill.”

Hi, I'm also new here.  Internet friend mentioned this site so I've joined.  I'm 73, was married for 51 years and DH passed away Dec. 1, 2015.  We knew his death was going to happen sooner than later, but it was a surprise it happened so quickly when meningitis hit him after a hospital stay.

DH was a veteran who served in Vietnam and suffered from some of the diseases associated with contact to Agent Orange.

I live in a wonderful over 55 community of single family homes.  18 out of the 73 homes are owned by widows and there are 3 widowers who also live here.   I've gone back to attending church, who knew I'd actually become a Southern Baptist? But I find it fits for this part of my life.

Even though my husband died at the our local VA Medical Center, I volunteer there 3 days per week and work in the Concierge/Escort division.  I find it full of challenges and I've been able to get to know many of the people who cared for my husband the last few years of his life.

I agree with so many of you, the worst of this widowhood is the loneliness and quietness of this house.  I am financially secure, but even then I can't spend all my time running from store to store on a shopping spree.  So, here I sit on a day like today.......There is NO WAY I'd ever marry again but would like to have someone to enjoy a bowl of popcorn with while watching a sporting event on TV.  Someone for a short road trip for lunch or taking a lifelong dream vacation.

All that said, a friend and I sat down to make a list of my requirements, and I fear even the Lord couldn't put that combination together.  So, for now here I sit.

My son and his family lives 400 miles away, so I have no family where I live, I hate the holidays and wish the calendar would go from Nov. 1 to January 2 and leave out all the craziness .  I hate when people ask me what my plans are for T-Day and Christmas, so rather than tell them I'll be alone I lie about it. I don't want to be the sorry widow who has no where to go and be the subject of someones pity.

Overall, after 2.5 years, my life is OK.  It's harder than I thought it would be, but in someways easier too.

I'm so glad you posted this today.  I will be at my five year sadiversary on October 5.    I've done fine -- moved away, made some new friends, retired with financial security.  

I've been in a tailspin for the better part of a month.  I think I just haven't expressed my grief enough over the last five years.  It is just too big and I am unable to let it all out.  It's become clear that no only will there NOT be someone else in my life, but I can't even picture what I would want that person to be life if he dropped out of the sky.  So I am in exactly the same boat as you.  I don't live in an over 55 community; I am in a regular neighborhood.  I've only been retired for 5 months after working 12-14 hours a day, often seven days a week.

I miss that having someone RIGHT THERE.  I have friends but only one or two close ones, and they are not the sort of people who want to hear you when you are in a tailspin.  So I have to work it all out by myself.  My sister doesn't want to hear it either and I am tired of her not understanding how you can grieve someone that at times you had wanted to leave.  She and my brother-in-law are coming with me to Jamaica in October to bury my husband's ashes and the thought of five nights of beautiful sunsets watching them embrace each other is already making me want to stay in my room the whole trip.  I had wanted to go alone, stay at a small place for 2 days, have a boat take me out to do this and then go home.  But she insisted that they go and now it is a six-day, five night vacation at a resort and me being the third wheel in a romantic setting.  Ugh.

A lesbian widow I know whose wife died a year ago is in a budding relationship now, and I think how much easier it would be at this age to "switch teams" so that trying to look young wasn't such an issue.  But I'm just not wired that way.

No matter how many friends I have, it's still not the same as having someone right there.   

I agree with you -- my life is OK.  I will probably always have some sad, and at a time like right now I have to work really hard to just not take to my bed and cry.   And I know what you mean about shopping.  To get myself going I went to the farmers market this morning and now I have to figure out what to do with fourteen peaches.

Welcome Bobcatkitty

Looks like we match on length of marriage (52 for us) and date of spousal loss (Mickey died the first week of '16.)  BIG adjustment; we each progress at our own pace.  You seem to have made a good start, keep up the "good work".

I operate as half of a team; no getting around it.  To paraphrase King David in 2 Samuel 12:23, "I will go to her, but she will not return to me."



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