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Hi everyone, I just joined and have been browsing the page and reading people’s stories while working up the nerve to start posting in groups myself. I still feel nauseous when I start actually putting it into words or typing it. I haven’t really accepted or become used to this new status yet. To sum things up - earlier this summer my husband, our little girl and myself were in a horrible accident that took my husband’s life and sent us to the hospital. We are now trying to recover/adapt one day at a time to as I try to cope and adjust and navigate this new unbelievable and unplanned part of our story. One of the (many) things I’ve been having trouble with is that despite having a big support network and despite everyone’s best intentions no one really understands. Hoping to connect with people here who do. I’m heartbroken that we are here but it feels like it will be helpful in having so many others to lean on. Thanks for listening.

 

Thank you for posting.  I have been hanging on the fringes myself.  Your post gave me the courage to write.  My loss was my husband 3 years and 5 months ago.  And I still feel that way.  I can only say that I guess, no I know that others here feel the same way.  The loss is  yours to deal with.  After reading what others write, I feel okay for what I feel.  I can not image what happened to you, but I understand the loss and feeling of Loneliness.  I will say writing things down has helped me.  I need to get the thoughts out of my head or they can make me ummmm crazy.  So keep writing.  And I want to thank you for making me brave enough to write. 

Thank you for the kind words Viola. I agree I think the more I write the more it’ll help even if it’s hard at first. I wrote a letter to my husband to include with him. Sobbed the whole way through but it helped to organize the thoughts that were (and still are) madly flying around my head. Already feeling that talking with kindred spirits who have experienced loss will be a lifeline throughout this process. 

Good day all.  I just registered because I need to see if this forum can help.  The abridged version is my husband passed unexpectedly 02JAN2018, he had been diagnosed with IPF (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis).  We knew it was terminal but we did not expect that there were complications with pneumonia - he was rushed to the hospital 30DEC2017.  He was retired USN and wanted to be interned at Arlington National Cemetery and it not be scheduled until 06JUL of this year.  

The months before his burial were - of course - filled with phone calls, email, signatures, and the usual things that need to be done - PLUS - the military had to be involved - more paperwork, regulations, typical military protocol. (LOL) But now that things slowed down and my mind can remember, i get emotional and actually weep.  Not just cry, but i am like a baby.  Anyway, I wanted to be able to talk and listen to people in my position.  Thank you for listening - Christine (Alabama)

Oh! Christine I just feel so sorry for your situation, to lose your husband so unexpectedly but then to have to wait 6 months to say your last goodbye is just so so awful.  The 2 weeks before I could lay my Helen to rest was so bad but to wait 6 months, my heart just bleeds for you.  The pain of loss is so bad but to endure what you have is to me unbearable.  I know it sounds so predictable but I do feel your pain and your loss. I have such help from this site from others in our situation I just hope you can get some support as well. All I can do is send you is caring love and some hope for the future.  Ray 

I just registered a few days ago myself. I have kept to myself alot. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on January 31, 2018. I am still so sad and some days I feel like I could die from loneliness. I hope this site helps also. Thank you for introducing yourself.

HI, came across this site last night as I went through grief/widow websites. I lost my husband a little less than 12 weeks ago to a sudden cardiac event. No warning, no signs evident from his physical in January of this year. I was with him when it happened, we were in the car, parked, waiting for his brother so we could go eat breakfast together. (his brother lives about 3 hours from home) So not only did it happen suddenly, we were out of town. This was the second marriage for both of us, he was a widower, I was divorced. (22 years with an emotionally, verbally and financially abuse man) We actually dated in high school, went our separate ways, then found each other on FB in September of 2011, married that Dec. We were only married 6 1/2 years. He was such a big teddy bear of a man, had a huge heart, would give you the shirt of his back. At the same time he could drive me crazy. He had ADHD and was forever misplacing things, I could track his whereabouts by following the trail of half completed projects, or the multiple radios/stereos/TV playing. And I miss him/it all so much. I sometimes think grieving over our plans/dreams/hopes that will never happen now is as hard as grieving over his physical absence. I cry at unexpected times, there is a lonely ache that is a constant companion. I expected to grow old with him, now it looks like I'll be growing old by myself. 

Having said all that, I went to my first grief group this month, and it felt like such a relief to be with people who understood what I'm going through, that I was very excited to find this site. The group is wonderful, and I will go back, but it only meets once a month. Having a place I can go to anytime is wonderful in a different way. :D

Introducing myself....my husband passed away on July 17, 2018 after a very brief (3 week) illness.  He was a very "young" 65 year old who walked 4-5 miles every day and truly enjoyed life.  He had been retired for 4 years and our plan was I was going to retire this December. We had so many plans for our "old age" together....so many places we were going to go, house projects we were going to do and places we were going to volunteer.  We were married for almost 38 years and I miss him more than words can express. I am lonely, scared, over-whelmed, sad...

I don't think in-person grief support groups would be a good fit for me so I have decided to try this on-line group. When we received his diagnosis and we both knew he would not have much time, I promised him I would be OK....I'm just trying to figure out how to keep that promise. 

Thanks for listening/reading.

JB, I understand totally how you feel and I am so sorry that you lost your husband so suddenly. My husband, Phil, was 56 when he passed away on 31 March 2017 after a 7 week illness. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on 3 February. Phil had been retired for 4 years from the police force but had a little part time job which he planned to retire from in March 2017 so that we too could enjoy lovely villa holidays abroad and breaks in the UK as well. We had been married for 36 years and have two grown up children . Our daughter still lives at home and our son lives only a two minute drive away so we have been looking after each other.  I know exactly what you are going through, life will never ever be the same and you wonder how you can carry on. it is now 17 months since that terrible day and I would describe myself as just surviving, going from day to day, with nothing to look forward to anymore as without Phil, life is so hard. We were looking forward to years together enjoying life, as you imagined for yourselves, and it is so cruel that our husbands have been taken away from us. Do you have any children, friends or family, who are looking out for you? It does help to speak to people on this site as it is only people who have been through loss who understand how we are feeling so I hope you find comfort from friends on here.

JB,

So very sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings of being scared, lonely, over-whelmed, and sad because I have felt and still feel those same emotions. I have been a widow for 17 months now. I don't want to go so far as to say it gets easier, but it becomes more manageable, especially in terms of acceptance. I lost my husband of 30 years quite suddenly, but I know he would not want me to give up on life. I am determined to have a positive attitude. I had a great experience in the in-person widow groups that I have joined this past year and a half--I have also met great people online who can relate to what it means to have lost your spouse. It sucks, but I am still here, and I want to be a good role model for my two older children. I am seeing a grief / life transition coach, who has been very helpful also. I am beginning to see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Practice self-care and take this time to grieve. You will figure it out.....

K.

Thank you both for your replies.  I am so sorry for your losses but truly appreciate your words of experience and wisdom. My reaction has been to withdraw from everyone and I know this is not healthy. Our adult son moved back home 2 years ago for financial reasons and he is still living here but he works nights and gets up after I have gone to bed and comes home after I have left for work in the mornings so we don't see each other much.  I have gone back to work but by the time I leave the office  I can barely make it to the car before the tears start.  I don't like to cry in front of others so I hold the tears in until I am alone.  I have gotten some books on grieving and am trying journaling.  I will now add becoming active on this forum as a way to reach out to others who "get it".  As devastated as I am, there is still a small spark of determination to figure this out.  

I cannot do this anymore 

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