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Thank you. I'll ask her about that.

outonalimb68,

You certainly have had a "triple whammy".  Loss of a spouse is traumatic enough; my condolences on your loss and your post-loss unsatisfying association.  Keeping with your counselor may be a good move.  May you eventually find the peace and companionship you seek.

norm

Thank you

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. We're all here for you and know that you can vent here any time you'd like. I'm widowed as of 3/21/18 and am still heartbroken myself.

Thank you. I am sorry for your loss.

Hello

Im new here and struggling 

On August 26. Of this year my life came to a screeching hold.

I received a call from an airport thousands of miles away telling me my husband who had been gone 

for work for a while suffered a heart attack while he was getting ready to finally go on the plane home to me.

i freaked called people and searched desperately for a plane ticket ,

only to hear those words in the next call 

that they are sorry and that they tried everything 

i screamed my lungs out 

this couldn’t be true 

and I still can’t believe it 

his family was closer so they took care of him 

I was in the hospital for a total breakdown unable to fly to the US all alone 

the doctor told me that he doesn’t recommend it because he is in doubt that I would make it 

fearing another breakdown alone or during the 9h flight.

I couldn’t say goodbye his memorial service took place without me

and the paperwork is breaking me cause no one can give me an answer 

Hi everyone, I have just joined and came upon this organisation by chance.  My husband Scott, 46 years old died suddenly on 21st July 2018.  We didn’t know it at the time but he had acute myeloid leukaemia. He went into hospital on the Friday (thinking it was an infection) diagnosed and died on the Saturday afternoon from cardiac arrest.  It has been a shock and my life has changed forever.  We have 2 children- makaila aged 11 and Adam aged 8. The last time they saw their dad was Friday morning when we dropped them off to school.  They are struggling in their own way, Makaila was a daddy’s girl so is finding this so hard.  I try and stay strong for them, and drag myself up in the morning and make an effort to take them places even tho I just want to lock myself in my room and hibernate.  I’ve never been a crier but that’s seems to be all I do at times, and in the most bizarre times. Scott was such a big part of our lives, he would drive me mad with his larakin ways but you could never stay angry with him for long.  I don’t know how to cope with the loneliness and inside I’m just shattered.  It has been comforting reading your stories on here as at least I feel that I’m not the only one and that many of the emotions I’m going through are normal.  Thank you for listening to my story. 

I became widowed on July 3rd, 2018, when my 29 year old son murdered my 54 year old wife of 30 1/2 years. She was the love of my life, my world, my everything. Our eldest son was very close to his mother, always was. We were always a very close and loving family. He unfortunately had some sort of psychotic snap after experimenting with drugs and had not yet been diagnosed with schizophrenia - and after having been awake for over 7 days straight. We don't know all of the details of what happened, and I will spare everyone the bloody details, but she died in a very brutal, violent way and it's broken so many hearts. He is incarcerated and I have still not been able to talk with him. We also have 24 year old twins, a boy and girl, or man and woman if you will, but they are still my kids and live at home with me now. My daughter and her wife moved in soon after the incident. My younger son has special needs and will always live with me. I know that our older son did not do this in his right mind. He is receiving anti-psychotic meds in jail and is in solitary confinement due to his fragile state. Tomorrow we will see him appear in court for the 4th time, as his defense attorney delays the trial for another 6 weeks, allowing her team more time to gather info to get the case of his mentally ill state. I forgave him the moment I knew what had happened because I know that it wasn't him, in his right, sweet, funny, loving mind. A demon had possessed him in the form of drugs mixed with mental illness. My wife who always stood up for her eldest boy, forgave him the moment she left this world. I have to believe that and I too have to be in the mindset of forgiveness. My daughter was angry and hated him. She shattered pictures of him that were on the wall and threw every belonging of his out and hauled it all to the dump. She has since come to realize that mental illness is real and has come to reason that her best friend, of whom he was, was mentally ill and would never have hurt his dear sweet mother in a million years, had he not reached the level of psychosis that he obviously did.

I realize that my case is a rare situation, so i sometimes feel like I'm in a separate category of widowers. I did go out to dinner with 7 other widowed people last week and it was nice to talk to others who have also lost their spouses. This is just a brief intro to quickly introduce myself to everyone! I hope to chat with others really soon.

(((Hugs w/heartfelt condolences tracyred)))


Allow me to introduce myself, I'm SweetMelissa2007 ...
Although, I do not entirely relate to your rare & horrific circumstances, I have experienced PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as well as my children from my husband/father having been maliciously & violently killed by a roadrage driver in 2007. I'm no longer grieving, however, from my hard leassons I do offer suggestions for understanding trauma & grief as well differentiate the two in an effort to help relieve symptoms &/or give a heads up. Often times, it can be confusing & frustrating as well as can be met w/resistance; they are common reactions from anger/rage or high sensitivity as a result of 24/7 widow/er's brain interrupting the normal cycle of processing new information to conclude it. It's best to put it aside till it's needed as well as take slow baby steps toward healing - everything takes time to resonate. There will be relatable issues as well as some not & some absolutely not for various reasons. Eventually, you will find what you need or do not need at that moment, however, both can be helpful down this long journey of grief. I try to not use the word "accept". In our entire being murder is not acceptable or can be justified for a complete resolution, however, a sense of peace can be found ...
Loving memories can/will be enjoyed, unfortunately, they can go sideways from invasive grief &/or trauma symptoms such as racing thoughts, feelings of jumping out of your skin that can be caused by a lack of sleep & eating or other issues that can keep a person in a holding pattern unable to process grief ...
Please do seek specialized treatment for trauma as well as separate grief therapy for support. Modalities such as massage &/or accupuncture can help relieve stress, anxiety & the unrelenting paralyzing symptoms of trauma. There is a definite difference between normal grief and compounded grief w/trauma. All people have a natural hard wired long grief process to come to terms w/death as well as a long adjustment period to the new & different changes it brings to one's life, however, trauma does not - it's symptoms can last a lifetime. Please get therapy for it when you are able ...
Take care of yourself ...
All my best for your recovery ...

Hi, my name is Kary.  I lost my husband 13 weeks ago.  I am devastated and not sure how I am going to come through this.  We were married for 31 years and together 32 years.  He was my best friend!  I am retired and he was semi-retired.  We did everything together.  I don’t know how to go on without him.

Hi Karybab, I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband passed away July 17 this year after a very short illness (3 weeks).  I soooo understand everything you are feeling.  My husband and I were married for almost 38 years and I also describe him as my best friend.  I wish I had some great words of comfort for you but at least I can assure you are not alone in this.  Keep reaching out....

JB

Hi JB, Thank you for your reply.  How do you keep going on?  We were each other's best friend so neither of us really had many close friends.  I don't work so I'm not around people during the day.  I'm constantly looking for things to do during the day, so I don't go crazy.  Any suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated!

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