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SandyKay,  If you feel like talking a little bit I would love to talk with you.  I feel a connection to you as my wife's name was Sandra Kay.  I lost her on January 20, 2017 from a sudden illness which was supposed to according to the doctors cure up and be nothing but suddenly became very serious.  I fully understand what you are going through and can give you some pointers as to what to expect as you go forward.  If you feel up to it I would love to communicate with you a bit.

Larry

I'm still trying to take all of this in and being able to process my thoughts.

 It will be 3 years for me in May.  I have joined our Desert Widows/Widowers group.  I also have gone to Meetups for about a year and half.  Everyone is single for whatever reason and there are couples too.  It's just a lunch meet up at different restaurants.  I don't always go.

Yesterday, I went and I came home so down!  It seems I don't know what to talk about with other people because I have been with the same man for over 41 years.  That's all I know.  Don't even know what to talk about with other ladies.    We are/were just home bodies/ together 24 hours a day even when we worked, we worked at the same place, drove to work together/ ate lunch together too. Glad to be with one another.  A new member came yesterday, she sat down and she just starting talking non stop.  I wish I could be more outgoing.  I am just at a loss for words when it comes to groups.  For every one in this group I pray for each and everyone.

Mrs. L, I am behind you as my 3 year is in September. I know what you mean about outings and conversation. I am not good in large groups, so I tend to stay away from them. I like my familiar friends as I sometimes feel socially awkward with those I don't know well, trying to make conversation when I have nothing to say.

I also come home many times more blue than when I left the house. Then I think to myself, I thought I was supposed to feel better when I participated in social activities outside my home!

I don't think we should change who we are, especiallly if it's so ingrained in our being. It is just a tougher world for those of us that tend to be inward.

I pray for you and everyone too.

I joined yesterday.  I wish I wouldn’t have waited this long to reach out.  I lost my husband of 28 years suddenly, August 12,2018.  He was just a week away of turning 59.  Pauly was my life.  He did everything for me.  When he died, I lost everything. My kids, my grandkids, my house.  My life how I knew it was over.  I just turned 51 last week.  I woke up This Monday and decided enough is enough. Pauly doesn’t want to see me like this.  I need help and I’m getting it.  For the first time in 3 months , and 21 days I had a dream and remembered it.  And it was a great dream.  I know it will take time to heal, but with the right people and support.  I know I can do this.  

Hello JustGloria67, I just joined yesterday as well. We lost our husbands close to each other. My husband passed away Sept 4th. Our 24th anniversary would have been Nov  26th. I decided the beginning of Dec I was going to focus on finding my joy again. The waves will come especially with Christmas coming soon. 

Hi I'm Ronda, 57 yr old widow.  Wife, mother of 6 married children, 18 grand children and 1 great grand.

I lost the love of my life November 16, 2018 from a brain hemorrhage.

He had prostate cancer that metastasized to the bones, then to the brain. He was coherent and talking to us

5 hrs before he passed.  He was 1 month shy of being 63, still working 1 week before his death.

I try to be strong for our children, who have been amazing support. I'm not strong, I am a basket case.

Since his death I picked up another job so I don't have to be home alone.  Am working 72 hours a week, and shot.

I'm not eating right, the kids are harping about that.  All I think about is being alone and Dallas no longer here.

Everything we will miss out on.  All I have now are memories with 1000's of pictures.

I have turned our home into his shrine.

I need your help. Medication is not an option.  Support is.  thank you

Hi Ronda, welcome and (((hugs))). You need to be strong for YOU too. You need to take care of yourself.

We are here when you need to talk.

Hi, my name is Nicole and my husband passed 11 months ago tomorrow.  We have 3 children together and I just turned 39 in October.  I know that everyone says not to change anything for a year but I couldn't stay in our house in NC because all of my family and his family live in other states.  I felt so alone and needed to be near my mother and sister who live in California.  We moved just 3 months after my husband passed.  It was difficult but ultimately I feel it was the right decision.  My husband and I were together for 19.5 years and married for 15 of those.  I feel like my whole adult life has been with him and am having a hard time finding the new me without him.  Also raising our 3 children together alone has been very hard, wondering if I am doing things right, are they getting what they need from me?  Do they feel ok about the move and talking about their father?  Does my getting teary whenever we talk about him make them feel like they can't talk to me about him?  So many questions I am trying to find the answers to.  The loneliness has been the center of my days.  Waking up and realizing its another day without him has been so difficult.   I have never been good at social situations and tend to be a wall flower so engaging with new people here in Cali has been trying. My husband had rare arterial blood clots that caused a massive heart attack in the "widow maker" artery of his heart.  He was on ecmo and the heart transplant list before his kidneys started shutting down and there was nothing else we could do.  I decided to stop treatment and he died 3 days later which was a total of 14 days in the ICU. As we approach Christmas which was his favorite holiday I have found myself grieving more than before.  Facing this first Christmas without him seems impossible but I put on a brave face for my children and family. I am hoping by joining this community I can gain insight on how to handle the situations I find myself in and maybe help someone else in the process.  Thank you! Nicole

Hello Nicole,

it is true that people say not to make any decisions for a year, but that is not a rock solid rule, just a suggestion. You need the support of your family. I also have 3 children & it is hard because they have 3 different personalities. Talk to them as much as you can. I find it’s not always that they don’t want to talk but that they don’t have the tools to communicate what they are feeling. I’m not sure the ages of yours but sometimes written notes or texts are easier for them. Don’t be so hard on yourself...just try to make the next best decision for that time. You probably saw your husband as a very smart man, I’m sure, and that smart man chose to marry YOU. He believe in you and even if you don’t trust yourself you can trust his judgement about you...that you have got this!

I’m also from NC & I married my high school sweetheart. Yesterday it was one year since he passed. My emotions were all over the place. Even though I had such a great loss, I had to recognize that I did have some gains too...my relationship with God is deeper, I’m stronger than I thought I could be and I have more courage than before. The gains don’t outweigh the weight of the loss, but I know it’s somerhing that helps me get through is not only looking at what I don’t have, but seeing all the things I do have.  I’m here if you ever want to talk...in real life too but I’m glad you found the website & reached out. See you are making very good choices for yourself & your family because support is important for all of us.

I hadn’t thought about it that way that he chose me. I’ve always felt so lucky to have found him. Thank you for your kind response. It gives me some positive things to think about! 

Hi Nicole and welcome. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I don't think I can say much more than Smoopy has so wisely expressed. You've been through a lot because your loss was compounded by the necessity of your move. Sometimes you have to make those choices because the circumstances dictate that you should. Being near family is important for you at this point. I hope they are a source of comfort and strength for you.

It's been said before, but this is the club you never wanted to join. It is one, however that helps to sort out all of the muddled feelings and emotions that will surface.

Be good to yourself and know that you are not alone.

(((Hugs)))

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