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Rainy hi, i am so sad for your loss. There are no words or explanations. I feel like i have to just focus on what the next step is for me and stay away from those who probably mean well but tend to make it worse and put me on the defensive. 

Monkey, I am 18 months into this, lost my Helen June 2017.  Last month would have been our 49th anniversary.  I have been so fortunate with the friends I have in that nobody has gone out of their way to "help" they have just been there just allowing me to be me and to just listen when I tell them how I feel.  I think this has allowed me to get some way down the road to coming through this thing.  I had a bad time last week when at a family members gathering some jerk started (with his wife sat opposite) to give me advice on how to manage my "situation".  I had to just leave the table before I laid hands on him. So I understand what you say about well meaning friends, you don't want well meaning friends you just want friend/friends. I hope that you can find some way through this.  Just like to pass this on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdtx-pxjX8A

Ray

Thank you Ray that was beautiful.  I am sorry to hear about your Helen. 49 years incredible you know i always say that whether it was 14 years 1 day or 100 years it is agony all the same for the loss which tells me that the love i felt was real. Which is what i think keeps me trying to get to a point of peace because it is all worth it. Thank you this is my first day doing this and probably the first day i dont feel completely alone

Being alone is part of our thing, whether on our own or with other people (if that makes sense) its how we each handle it.  I have had so much support from being part of this village, hope you can get something from it as well.

Ray

That makes perfect sense isnt it odd how the most topsy turvy of explaining things are just the things that are understood now?its alot to wrap the brain around

Beautiful song. "Something you get through." My grief counselor told me on day one of seeing her (her husband died at 47 years of marriage too): "You won't get over it, you won't get through; but someday somehow you will learn to live and it will be softer."

Oh the advice givers without ANY experience close to being in this season. Good idea to move away.

Thank you, having the support of people who have been in my shoes is very helpful So far. Even though friends and family are well meaning in their sympathies it’s hard not to deny them because they can’t possibly know how you feel. The move was tough but having my sister and mother close has helped. Thank you for reaching out. Nicole. 

Its like the one person you need to share with you cant but its true being among those who are on your side when you need it it can make all the difference. Its nice to have a handful you can reach out to and say what you need to but who respect my need to back away as well.

Hi everyone, my name is Phil and I lost my wife of almost 50 years 3 months ago. I joined so I can talk to others that are going thru the same thing.

Hello Phil. I am so sorry for your loss. What a long marriage you two shared! I know that does not make up for the loss, nothing does. I don't know when you lost her, but I know what a struggle it is to find your footing.

Know that you are not alone. Keep posting and sharing your feelings. It does help.

(((Hugs)))

Hi Phil, I lost my Helen 20 months ago just a few months short of our 48th wedding anniversary. So so sorry for your loss, they say time is a great healer unfortunately I have not reached that "time" as yet. Boy have I been through some ups and downs in the last 20 months and I think I miss Helen more now more than ever but I also think I have some more comfort when I think about her now, which I do of every hour of every day.

We all cope in our own ways and I would not even think about giving you any advice on that part but if you have good friends let them help.  Its good to have family around you but they are going to be hurting just as bad as you are and you may have to help and support them. Friends are different and if they are good friends then they support you and if they are friends like mine then they won't be offering tea and sympathy but are just "there" and will listen to you talk and not interrupt and offer advice.

This is also where widow village helps, you can just get those worms out of your head by putting your thoughts down and people will respond. I have found such a lot of comfort from widow village.

I suspect your sleep patterns are all over the place, I have relied on sleep aid tablets for such a long time but over the past few months I am sleeping without such aids and that has helped to get better sleep and in turn get some perspective into my life and also seems to allow me to "cope" somewhat better.

Best wishes Phil for this long hard road we are travelling.

Ray

You have my sympathy also.  Diana and I where looking forward to our 50th anniversary in June but fell a little short.  I have good days and bad but mostly sad days.  She had to use a wheelchair and walker for the past 20 years but was able to bathe herself until two years ago when she fell and broke her upper arm.  I then took over her bathing duties until her passing.  As far as sleeping habits, mine where tied to hers,  most of  time I went to sleep about 2 a.m.  and was up around 6:30 am.   Took naps during the day.   She s!ept alot during the day then was up later in the evening until early morning.  My sleeping habits are more normal now but I sure miss taking care of her.

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