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Hi Nicole and welcome. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I don't think I can say much more than Smoopy has so wisely expressed. You've been through a lot because your loss was compounded by the necessity of your move. Sometimes you have to make those choices because the circumstances dictate that you should. Being near family is important for you at this point. I hope they are a source of comfort and strength for you.

It's been said before, but this is the club you never wanted to join. It is one, however that helps to sort out all of the muddled feelings and emotions that will surface.

Be good to yourself and know that you are not alone.

(((Hugs)))

Nicole,

I fully understand your story.   I lost my wife on January 20, 2017 and the hardest part for me has been simply having no one around me.  After my wife died I lost my mother on February 11, 2018 and she was the last true immediate family member that I have contact with.  Being so alone can be so overwhelming and therefore I concur with you making the move to be closer to family.  I have two people from this group that I communicate with frequently since early last year.  This is a long hard journey at best and because of your age I know it will be so trying.  I am much older than you as I am 64 and really I don't know what the rest of my life is going to be.  I hope in time that you will be able to find the true happiness that you once had but I do know just how difficult that can be. 

Larry

Thank you, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Loss at any time hurts so deeply and the loneliness is the hardest part I think. Missing seeing them everyday and having the comfort of knowing someone was always in your corner. Knowing the other half of you I was there at the end of the day. The holidays are really messing with me and as I look forward to getting through them I know the 1 year anniversary of his passing is fast approaching as well. I thank you for reaching out.  Nicole 

Hi, i am very new at this, i just joined today and gravitated towards newly widowed group and widowed in 2017. My Joe very unexpectedly passed on April 14, 2017 and i have been through 2 wedding anniversaries, 2 thanksgivings, coming up on another christmas, new years, his birthday, my birthday, and every day in between and i swear it gets harder and harder- we were together for almost 14 years that year and married almost 12 years that year and i am just hurting horribly.  He always said i would be ok, he had such faith in me, i hear him, you know? we shopped and cooked at home, we loved being together and just being home and hanging out and i havent cooked i just stay home, and wonder what the heck happened? and there is noone and they try, but so many people are like, well, its been over a year, you have to stop hiding, but its a joke. I feel like i am hit with a new ton of bricks every single day.

Monkey, My sweet Jerry died Dec. 14, 2017.  I lay low and keep my distance from pp; for reasons, I don't know if I can even explain.  I understand what you're saying,  every day is a new ton of bricks at my house too.

Rainy hi, i am so sad for your loss. There are no words or explanations. I feel like i have to just focus on what the next step is for me and stay away from those who probably mean well but tend to make it worse and put me on the defensive. 

Monkey, I am 18 months into this, lost my Helen June 2017.  Last month would have been our 49th anniversary.  I have been so fortunate with the friends I have in that nobody has gone out of their way to "help" they have just been there just allowing me to be me and to just listen when I tell them how I feel.  I think this has allowed me to get some way down the road to coming through this thing.  I had a bad time last week when at a family members gathering some jerk started (with his wife sat opposite) to give me advice on how to manage my "situation".  I had to just leave the table before I laid hands on him. So I understand what you say about well meaning friends, you don't want well meaning friends you just want friend/friends. I hope that you can find some way through this.  Just like to pass this on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdtx-pxjX8A

Ray

Thank you Ray that was beautiful.  I am sorry to hear about your Helen. 49 years incredible you know i always say that whether it was 14 years 1 day or 100 years it is agony all the same for the loss which tells me that the love i felt was real. Which is what i think keeps me trying to get to a point of peace because it is all worth it. Thank you this is my first day doing this and probably the first day i dont feel completely alone

Being alone is part of our thing, whether on our own or with other people (if that makes sense) its how we each handle it.  I have had so much support from being part of this village, hope you can get something from it as well.

Ray

That makes perfect sense isnt it odd how the most topsy turvy of explaining things are just the things that are understood now?its alot to wrap the brain around

Beautiful song. "Something you get through." My grief counselor told me on day one of seeing her (her husband died at 47 years of marriage too): "You won't get over it, you won't get through; but someday somehow you will learn to live and it will be softer."

Oh the advice givers without ANY experience close to being in this season. Good idea to move away.

Thank you, having the support of people who have been in my shoes is very helpful So far. Even though friends and family are well meaning in their sympathies it’s hard not to deny them because they can’t possibly know how you feel. The move was tough but having my sister and mother close has helped. Thank you for reaching out. Nicole. 

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