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I joined yesterday.  I wish I wouldn’t have waited this long to reach out.  I lost my husband of 28 years suddenly, August 12,2018.  He was just a week away of turning 59.  Pauly was my life.  He did everything for me.  When he died, I lost everything. My kids, my grandkids, my house.  My life how I knew it was over.  I just turned 51 last week.  I woke up This Monday and decided enough is enough. Pauly doesn’t want to see me like this.  I need help and I’m getting it.  For the first time in 3 months , and 21 days I had a dream and remembered it.  And it was a great dream.  I know it will take time to heal, but with the right people and support.  I know I can do this.  

Hello JustGloria67, I just joined yesterday as well. We lost our husbands close to each other. My husband passed away Sept 4th. Our 24th anniversary would have been Nov  26th. I decided the beginning of Dec I was going to focus on finding my joy again. The waves will come especially with Christmas coming soon. 

Hi I'm Ronda, 57 yr old widow.  Wife, mother of 6 married children, 18 grand children and 1 great grand.

I lost the love of my life November 16, 2018 from a brain hemorrhage.

He had prostate cancer that metastasized to the bones, then to the brain. He was coherent and talking to us

5 hrs before he passed.  He was 1 month shy of being 63, still working 1 week before his death.

I try to be strong for our children, who have been amazing support. I'm not strong, I am a basket case.

Since his death I picked up another job so I don't have to be home alone.  Am working 72 hours a week, and shot.

I'm not eating right, the kids are harping about that.  All I think about is being alone and Dallas no longer here.

Everything we will miss out on.  All I have now are memories with 1000's of pictures.

I have turned our home into his shrine.

I need your help. Medication is not an option.  Support is.  thank you

Hi Ronda, welcome and (((hugs))). You need to be strong for YOU too. You need to take care of yourself.

We are here when you need to talk.

Hi, my name is Nicole and my husband passed 11 months ago tomorrow.  We have 3 children together and I just turned 39 in October.  I know that everyone says not to change anything for a year but I couldn't stay in our house in NC because all of my family and his family live in other states.  I felt so alone and needed to be near my mother and sister who live in California.  We moved just 3 months after my husband passed.  It was difficult but ultimately I feel it was the right decision.  My husband and I were together for 19.5 years and married for 15 of those.  I feel like my whole adult life has been with him and am having a hard time finding the new me without him.  Also raising our 3 children together alone has been very hard, wondering if I am doing things right, are they getting what they need from me?  Do they feel ok about the move and talking about their father?  Does my getting teary whenever we talk about him make them feel like they can't talk to me about him?  So many questions I am trying to find the answers to.  The loneliness has been the center of my days.  Waking up and realizing its another day without him has been so difficult.   I have never been good at social situations and tend to be a wall flower so engaging with new people here in Cali has been trying. My husband had rare arterial blood clots that caused a massive heart attack in the "widow maker" artery of his heart.  He was on ecmo and the heart transplant list before his kidneys started shutting down and there was nothing else we could do.  I decided to stop treatment and he died 3 days later which was a total of 14 days in the ICU. As we approach Christmas which was his favorite holiday I have found myself grieving more than before.  Facing this first Christmas without him seems impossible but I put on a brave face for my children and family. I am hoping by joining this community I can gain insight on how to handle the situations I find myself in and maybe help someone else in the process.  Thank you! Nicole

Hello Nicole,

it is true that people say not to make any decisions for a year, but that is not a rock solid rule, just a suggestion. You need the support of your family. I also have 3 children & it is hard because they have 3 different personalities. Talk to them as much as you can. I find it’s not always that they don’t want to talk but that they don’t have the tools to communicate what they are feeling. I’m not sure the ages of yours but sometimes written notes or texts are easier for them. Don’t be so hard on yourself...just try to make the next best decision for that time. You probably saw your husband as a very smart man, I’m sure, and that smart man chose to marry YOU. He believe in you and even if you don’t trust yourself you can trust his judgement about you...that you have got this!

I’m also from NC & I married my high school sweetheart. Yesterday it was one year since he passed. My emotions were all over the place. Even though I had such a great loss, I had to recognize that I did have some gains too...my relationship with God is deeper, I’m stronger than I thought I could be and I have more courage than before. The gains don’t outweigh the weight of the loss, but I know it’s somerhing that helps me get through is not only looking at what I don’t have, but seeing all the things I do have.  I’m here if you ever want to talk...in real life too but I’m glad you found the website & reached out. See you are making very good choices for yourself & your family because support is important for all of us.

I hadn’t thought about it that way that he chose me. I’ve always felt so lucky to have found him. Thank you for your kind response. It gives me some positive things to think about! 

Hi Nicole and welcome. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I don't think I can say much more than Smoopy has so wisely expressed. You've been through a lot because your loss was compounded by the necessity of your move. Sometimes you have to make those choices because the circumstances dictate that you should. Being near family is important for you at this point. I hope they are a source of comfort and strength for you.

It's been said before, but this is the club you never wanted to join. It is one, however that helps to sort out all of the muddled feelings and emotions that will surface.

Be good to yourself and know that you are not alone.

(((Hugs)))

Nicole,

I fully understand your story.   I lost my wife on January 20, 2017 and the hardest part for me has been simply having no one around me.  After my wife died I lost my mother on February 11, 2018 and she was the last true immediate family member that I have contact with.  Being so alone can be so overwhelming and therefore I concur with you making the move to be closer to family.  I have two people from this group that I communicate with frequently since early last year.  This is a long hard journey at best and because of your age I know it will be so trying.  I am much older than you as I am 64 and really I don't know what the rest of my life is going to be.  I hope in time that you will be able to find the true happiness that you once had but I do know just how difficult that can be. 

Larry

Thank you, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Loss at any time hurts so deeply and the loneliness is the hardest part I think. Missing seeing them everyday and having the comfort of knowing someone was always in your corner. Knowing the other half of you I was there at the end of the day. The holidays are really messing with me and as I look forward to getting through them I know the 1 year anniversary of his passing is fast approaching as well. I thank you for reaching out.  Nicole 

Hi, i am very new at this, i just joined today and gravitated towards newly widowed group and widowed in 2017. My Joe very unexpectedly passed on April 14, 2017 and i have been through 2 wedding anniversaries, 2 thanksgivings, coming up on another christmas, new years, his birthday, my birthday, and every day in between and i swear it gets harder and harder- we were together for almost 14 years that year and married almost 12 years that year and i am just hurting horribly.  He always said i would be ok, he had such faith in me, i hear him, you know? we shopped and cooked at home, we loved being together and just being home and hanging out and i havent cooked i just stay home, and wonder what the heck happened? and there is noone and they try, but so many people are like, well, its been over a year, you have to stop hiding, but its a joke. I feel like i am hit with a new ton of bricks every single day.

Monkey, My sweet Jerry died Dec. 14, 2017.  I lay low and keep my distance from pp; for reasons, I don't know if I can even explain.  I understand what you're saying,  every day is a new ton of bricks at my house too.

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