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Being alone is part of our thing, whether on our own or with other people (if that makes sense) its how we each handle it.  I have had so much support from being part of this village, hope you can get something from it as well.

Ray

That makes perfect sense isnt it odd how the most topsy turvy of explaining things are just the things that are understood now?its alot to wrap the brain around

Beautiful song. "Something you get through." My grief counselor told me on day one of seeing her (her husband died at 47 years of marriage too): "You won't get over it, you won't get through; but someday somehow you will learn to live and it will be softer."

Oh the advice givers without ANY experience close to being in this season. Good idea to move away.

Thank you, having the support of people who have been in my shoes is very helpful So far. Even though friends and family are well meaning in their sympathies it’s hard not to deny them because they can’t possibly know how you feel. The move was tough but having my sister and mother close has helped. Thank you for reaching out. Nicole. 

Its like the one person you need to share with you cant but its true being among those who are on your side when you need it it can make all the difference. Its nice to have a handful you can reach out to and say what you need to but who respect my need to back away as well.

Hi everyone, my name is Phil and I lost my wife of almost 50 years 3 months ago. I joined so I can talk to others that are going thru the same thing.

Hello Phil. I am so sorry for your loss. What a long marriage you two shared! I know that does not make up for the loss, nothing does. I don't know when you lost her, but I know what a struggle it is to find your footing.

Know that you are not alone. Keep posting and sharing your feelings. It does help.

(((Hugs)))

Hi Phil, I lost my Helen 20 months ago just a few months short of our 48th wedding anniversary. So so sorry for your loss, they say time is a great healer unfortunately I have not reached that "time" as yet. Boy have I been through some ups and downs in the last 20 months and I think I miss Helen more now more than ever but I also think I have some more comfort when I think about her now, which I do of every hour of every day.

We all cope in our own ways and I would not even think about giving you any advice on that part but if you have good friends let them help.  Its good to have family around you but they are going to be hurting just as bad as you are and you may have to help and support them. Friends are different and if they are good friends then they support you and if they are friends like mine then they won't be offering tea and sympathy but are just "there" and will listen to you talk and not interrupt and offer advice.

This is also where widow village helps, you can just get those worms out of your head by putting your thoughts down and people will respond. I have found such a lot of comfort from widow village.

I suspect your sleep patterns are all over the place, I have relied on sleep aid tablets for such a long time but over the past few months I am sleeping without such aids and that has helped to get better sleep and in turn get some perspective into my life and also seems to allow me to "cope" somewhat better.

Best wishes Phil for this long hard road we are travelling.

Ray

You have my sympathy also.  Diana and I where looking forward to our 50th anniversary in June but fell a little short.  I have good days and bad but mostly sad days.  She had to use a wheelchair and walker for the past 20 years but was able to bathe herself until two years ago when she fell and broke her upper arm.  I then took over her bathing duties until her passing.  As far as sleeping habits, mine where tied to hers,  most of  time I went to sleep about 2 a.m.  and was up around 6:30 am.   Took naps during the day.   She s!ept alot during the day then was up later in the evening until early morning.  My sleeping habits are more normal now but I sure miss taking care of her.

Hi Every one,

My wife Lisa of 22 years, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in September 2016, she was responding to treatment and looked like she might beat it, she had no sign of cancer in her breasts or lymph nods.

This came to a crashing halt on the 10th April 2017, when Lisa had a Seizure at Fiona Stanley ED. She was then diagnosed with a Brain Tumour as her Breast Cancer become Metastatic. She was NOW Stage 4. It didn’t help that her Breast Cancer was Triple Negative and that later we found out she also had the BRCA 1 gene.

She fought Bravely and endured Chemo for Breast Cancer, Brain Cyberknife Radiology, Brain Surgery, Full Brain Radiology, Brain Chemo, Inhibitor Drugs and all the drugs she had to take, plus I had to give her daily blood thinning drugs.  

My darling wife passed on the 24th Jan 2019, with myself and our three kids and her parents and uncle. 
We can take solace that she is no longer in pain and is in a better place. 

It's three weeks tomorrow, 14th Feb 2019 since she passed and its been tough, little things set me off, a photo or a video of her up at the Hospital and I am brushing her hair. If you can call it lucky I have not worked since the 10th April 2017 and been Lisa's full time career, so I was doing Dinners, Cleaning the house, Uber driver for Lisa and the Kids, Drugs dealer, and in the final weeks Nurse and in the last week back to being her Husband. So the only routine that has changed is me going to the Hospital visiting her, Oncology appointments, and taking her out and about.

My wife would have been 50 this year, I was her toy boy, I turn 44 in Dec. I miss her so much, the thing I miss is talking to her in the mornings and going on cruises and having our date day every Tuesday.

Hello everyone, I lost my wife Cyndi on December 5, 2018. I saw her off to work that morning, and never got to speak with her again. She suffered a heart attack that morning at work and died that evening in the hospital. She was unresponsive the entire day in the hospital so I have no idea if she even knew that I was there or if she heard me when I spoke to her. She was 54. We had been married 12 years.  The one and only comfort I have is that when she left that morning, she knew that I loved her and I knew that she loved me. 

A year before she died, I suffered an aortic dissection, requiring open heart surgery to replace a section of my aorta. I spent 3 days in a medically induced coma. My chances of survival were less than 5%. She NEVER left the hospital for a week. She wouldn't leave my side. 

She was my angel, my soul mate. She didn't deserve to die so young, like this.  Open heart surgery was a piece of cake compared to watching her die, and living without her. I would gladly endure 10 more open heart surgeries to have her back.

Thanks for listening. Peace to you all.

Dear BillDrums,

Please accept my genuine condolences for your loss.  I lost my husband to a sudden and fatal heart attack five years ago on February 12th.  I still love and miss him every day but, I am better able to function. 

My husband, Patrick, started work later than I so, he was sleeping in our bed when I left for work.  It was strange that I hadn't spoken to him throughout the day and, when the phone rang at 10 that night, I thought it was him to tell me he was on his way home.  Unfortunately, it was a paramedic telling me that he had suffered a cardiac arrest and that they were working on him.  By the time I was able to get to the hospital - less than an hour later, he was on a gurney and gone.  I refused to leave his side until a priest came to read him his last rights and that did not happen until after 3am.  I walked with two of the hospital attendants as they were wheeling him to the morgue and gave him a last kisses on his face and arm.  My Patrick had only just turned 51 and I was still 50 at the time.

Throughout this experience, I've learned that everyone's journey is as unique and individual as they are.  Many will offer advise and sometimes well-intentioned commentary.  Some of it may even come across as silly or hurtful.  I've learned to overlook and/or forgive those who could simply not understand what I was living through.

There were times that I thought my husband took my place because I am the one with a slight heart murmur and even felt like I was having a near heart attack just a week earlier.  Lots of things go through our minds during this journey.

I wish you peace, strength and courage on your difficult journey. Hang in there as best you can and speak to friends and or family or a genuine friend, whom will simply listen.  

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