It’s been seven weeks since since my soulmate was taken from me. I have anxiety all the time, and feel like I’m loosing my mind at times. I’m so so lonely. My husband and I did everything together, we never did anything apart even before he got sick. We were together 33 years, celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary last October. I went from living in my parents house to living with Robb.
Robb had diabetes and in the last 5 years suffered all the side affects of it. It was his eyes first then his heart, neuropathy,ulcers, kidney disease and he lost both legs. On February 17/2019 he passed from a heart attack in hospital. They tried but could not get his heart going again. I stayed in the hospital with him all times. He was only alone when I would go to the cafeteria or pick up our daughter for a visit. And of all things he was alone when he had the heart attack I had went to the cafeteria. Maybe if I’d been there he would still be here. Actually I’m pretty certain he would be.
Now I have to learn how to navigate life pretty much alone. Robb took care of all the financial stuff I’m trying but I’m struggling, really struggling do I sell my house or stay, what do I do with the life insurance. I’m so lost.
I hope to be some help to people here as well.
To give you an idea this is the post my daughter made for him. One other thing before I paste, it’s been really difficult on her as well Robb passed the day before her birthday, and she is completely different from me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but she is closed up. She’s had a couple blow ups and there always directed at me.
(This is so so hard to have to post.
On Sunday, February 17, my dad, Robb, had a heart attack and passed away at Belleville General Hospital.
We are still in a lot of shock, and truly devastated right now.
My mum stayed in the hospital the entire time he was there, everytime.
She is broken, losing her soul mate so young. They were and always will be each others everything.
Dad, you will be so dearly missed by everyone who's lives you have touched.
Your kind of strength and loyalty is awfully rare; your dedication to your passions is so admirable.
We all love you so much Papa
We will love you always and forever
If anybody feels the need to, you can message my mum or myself, and we will get back to you when we are able to.
As per his request, he will be cremated and no viewing.)
I just read your post and know what it feels like to be in your position. I lost my wife on January 20, 2017 to septic shock. It came on suddenly and the doctors were not able to get a handle on what her problem was until it was too late. Then on February 11. 2018 I lost my mother so the last two years have been a real struggle for me. No one can really tell you how to do things for yourself as each case seems to be different for different people. The one thing I would suggest is to slow play this the best that you can and joining this group could be a good thing for you. If you are also thinking of a local support group Grief Share offers a pretty good program which last for about 3 months and it is one night a week. Since it is supported by many churches it tends to be somewhat religious as long as that will not bother you. As you meet and talk to people going through this journey you are going to hear all kind of stories. Some move on quickly trying to find a replacement person and others take more time before moving on and some others may simply be done for live.
My wife and I met a little later in life in our early 40's and we married for 20 years. If you would like to discuss any further I will be happy to communicate with you.
Sorry for your loss,
Thank you Larry. Itwoud be nice to talk the only support I have is my daughter. It’s painful when you think there’ll be friends and family to support you in times like this and then nothing it’s hurt me a lot.
Im so sorry for your loss as well (((((hugs)))))
Be gentle with yourself. It takes time. Everyones journey is different but we share a loss and the grief. If you can talk to counsellors or possibly find support groups. Books are great on grief. I found "The Journey of Grief" written by Dr. Allen Wolfelt very helpful. I read it three times a least. It helped be to find some peace. Hopefully you are surrounded by lots of loving family and friends within your reach. A widow once gave my sound advice wait a year before making any major decisions providing you can.
I am a newby here and this site must have some great things to offer. It will help on the journey.
On Day at a Time.
Thank you arbythewater Sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss Missymerie. Thank you.
My Condolances on your lost, sending you a big hug!
I lost my wife Lisa of 22 years to Stage 4 Breast Cancer and Metatastic Brain Tumours on the 24th Jan 2019, I was as prepared as I could but her passing hit me hard on the day and days later, it's getting better living with the pain. My wife looked after the finances but I have learn't, I was already looking after the kids, we have 3, Son 18, daughter 16 & son 11, so I was cooking, cleaning, doing the washing, Uber driver, PA, Drug Dealer, Nurse and in the final weeks I was allowed to be her husband.
As my wife was Terminal she cashed in her two Life Insurances and we paid off the mortgage on our shared house with her parents and decided to build one for us and the kids, unfortunately she wasn't able to see the house be completed, I hopefully move in to my new "Home" mid May it will also be Mortgage free thanks to my darling wife. But to get where I am now, I have had to learn a lot, from organising her cremation, sign the Death Cert info, get a Probate so that I can financially act on her behalf and for that I had to go to the Western Australia Supreme Court that was a learning curve, I have had to go through hoops to get her Bank Account closed and now waiting on her little bit of Super, its scary and it will take time, the best thing I did was slow it down and concentrate on one thing at a time, for me it was getting through her Cremation and Remembrance Service, once that was down I went onto Closing of her accounts, then finding out about the Probate and so on. This was weeks for me, but it could take months, don't worry if it does go at your pace.
Don't let it get on top of you, take it one step at a time, confiding in your daughter is ok, but depending on her age don't rely on her to much I was talking to my daughter a lot, had to take a step back and think about that, and realise she is only 16, I had reconnected with a close friend last year, we have been friends since we were 12 (that's about 32 years ago) and even dated in High School, she has gotten me through so much even though she lives on the other side of Australia. I can vent, talk about Lisa or the kids or just about anything, that has helped so much, if you have a friend like that reach out to them, even if it has been years.
Its still very raw for you it will be for possibly a long time, you will get there, people have shown that on this forum, the pain never goes but you adjust your self and reposition that pain so it doesn't dig in to much and you move, that is what I have learnt so far, keep moving find something to do, for me my oldest son and my mum keep me busy, we go out to the local shops for an 1 or 2 hours a day or visit my new house to see how it is going, that has kept me from just siting and thinking to hard. Building the house has also helped keep me from thinking about things.
If you want to please reach out to me for a chat, happy to help in anyway.
All the best Jace
Missymerie, I was just reading your post. It is such an arduous struggle when the shock when those essential things crop up that feel as if they have no right intruding at this time. Dealing with finances and life insurance feel like an insult. They are an intrusion to the primary task of grieving and being good to yourself.
Your daughter sounds lovely, as are her words.
Be good to yourself and take time to breath.
Hello, I am artbythewater. I lost my husband in May of 2012 all of a sudden. He was sailing with our son on a beautiful sunny day. All of a sudden a wind kicked up out of no where capsized the sailboat and within minutes he lost his life. I still find it hard to believe my soul mate is no longer here. We married in our early twenties. He was my very best friend. We had 2 adult children at the time. He passed one week before out 29 th anniversay. Now left to face the journey without him. I went to counselling and group therapy yet I find I still need to branch and continue to grow. My faith has become very much a part of my daily living. Looking forward to sharing stories with you. Hugs
Artbythewater, I see how important your faith is to you. I too believe very strongly in faith. It keeps my hope alive that there's something more for me. I just have to hang in there.
I wish the same for you. Hugs.
This is very comforting to know I am not alone. Thank you. Not losing hope helps us. Your right not to give up but to continue on. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Lao Tzu
Hello, I'm 37 years old and lost my husband suddenly in December 2018, we have been together since we were kids,(went to nursery school and prom together). I'm here to connect with others in the same situation, everyday seems to be a little bit harder.