My Condolances on your lost, sending you a big hug!
I lost my wife Lisa of 22 years to Stage 4 Breast Cancer and Metatastic Brain Tumours on the 24th Jan 2019, I was as prepared as I could but her passing hit me hard on the day and days later, it's getting better living with the pain. My wife looked after the finances but I have learn't, I was already looking after the kids, we have 3, Son 18, daughter 16 & son 11, so I was cooking, cleaning, doing the washing, Uber driver, PA, Drug Dealer, Nurse and in the final weeks I was allowed to be her husband.
As my wife was Terminal she cashed in her two Life Insurances and we paid off the mortgage on our shared house with her parents and decided to build one for us and the kids, unfortunately she wasn't able to see the house be completed, I hopefully move in to my new "Home" mid May it will also be Mortgage free thanks to my darling wife. But to get where I am now, I have had to learn a lot, from organising her cremation, sign the Death Cert info, get a Probate so that I can financially act on her behalf and for that I had to go to the Western Australia Supreme Court that was a learning curve, I have had to go through hoops to get her Bank Account closed and now waiting on her little bit of Super, its scary and it will take time, the best thing I did was slow it down and concentrate on one thing at a time, for me it was getting through her Cremation and Remembrance Service, once that was down I went onto Closing of her accounts, then finding out about the Probate and so on. This was weeks for me, but it could take months, don't worry if it does go at your pace.
Don't let it get on top of you, take it one step at a time, confiding in your daughter is ok, but depending on her age don't rely on her to much I was talking to my daughter a lot, had to take a step back and think about that, and realise she is only 16, I had reconnected with a close friend last year, we have been friends since we were 12 (that's about 32 years ago) and even dated in High School, she has gotten me through so much even though she lives on the other side of Australia. I can vent, talk about Lisa or the kids or just about anything, that has helped so much, if you have a friend like that reach out to them, even if it has been years.
Its still very raw for you it will be for possibly a long time, you will get there, people have shown that on this forum, the pain never goes but you adjust your self and reposition that pain so it doesn't dig in to much and you move, that is what I have learnt so far, keep moving find something to do, for me my oldest son and my mum keep me busy, we go out to the local shops for an 1 or 2 hours a day or visit my new house to see how it is going, that has kept me from just siting and thinking to hard. Building the house has also helped keep me from thinking about things.
If you want to please reach out to me for a chat, happy to help in anyway.
All the best Jace
Missymerie, I was just reading your post. It is such an arduous struggle when the shock when those essential things crop up that feel as if they have no right intruding at this time. Dealing with finances and life insurance feel like an insult. They are an intrusion to the primary task of grieving and being good to yourself.
Your daughter sounds lovely, as are her words.
Be good to yourself and take time to breath.
Hello, I am artbythewater. I lost my husband in May of 2012 all of a sudden. He was sailing with our son on a beautiful sunny day. All of a sudden a wind kicked up out of no where capsized the sailboat and within minutes he lost his life. I still find it hard to believe my soul mate is no longer here. We married in our early twenties. He was my very best friend. We had 2 adult children at the time. He passed one week before out 29 th anniversay. Now left to face the journey without him. I went to counselling and group therapy yet I find I still need to branch and continue to grow. My faith has become very much a part of my daily living. Looking forward to sharing stories with you. Hugs
Artbythewater, I see how important your faith is to you. I too believe very strongly in faith. It keeps my hope alive that there's something more for me. I just have to hang in there.
I wish the same for you. Hugs.
This is very comforting to know I am not alone. Thank you. Not losing hope helps us. Your right not to give up but to continue on. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Lao Tzu
Hello, I'm 37 years old and lost my husband suddenly in December 2018, we have been together since we were kids,(went to nursery school and prom together). I'm here to connect with others in the same situation, everyday seems to be a little bit harder.
Welcome to the club that none of us wanted to join. I am so very sorry for your loss at such a young age. When you lose your sweetheart, as I experienced too, it is such a heartbreak. I'm sure his heart is still joined to yours and he is watching over you. Be sure to join the age group for your loss. I'm sure there are things that are shared that you can specifically identify with.
Hugs to you.
Hello, my name is Jennifer. I stumbled upon this website while looking for support groups and was attracted by the May-December group, though it does not appear to be active. My church runs a Grief Share group and I joined them last night and the week before, but they are about to disband for the summer, and a support group for "young" widows and widowers run by an area hospital only meets once a month. I don't think I can hold everything in that long. So, here I am. My husband died three weeks ago. I thought I was doing okay but my therapist, who knows me quite well, says she thinks I am numb. I have been numb before and I don't remember it feeling like this, but it was a very long time ago. For the past year and a half I was my husband's full time caregiver and until this last hospitalization we had not been apart more than three hours during this time. I have been feeling a little lost and at the moment have no purpose. I miss him.
hello Jennifer. You have found one of the right places. People are here because we share a common experience and we find that sharing that with each other can help us. The numbness that perhaps your therapist is thinking about is what you describe toward the end of your message. That feeling of being disconnected is a form of numbness and I know I felt a bit of that. I also had the auto-pilot mode where there were things in the first several weeks that had to happen and I just kept pushing through without even thinking about it. I look back at those first few weeks and cant figure out how I did everything without losing my mind. There is also the purpose you built for yourself over the last days, weeks, months of your husband's illness, when that purpose comes to an end it is hard finding another one. Again, just remember we are all out here, we share some of the same experiences and some similar emotions. I am glad you found us and have the option of other avenues to seek support. Try as many as you can until one fits you.
My name is Michiko... I think your therapist is right. You are numb.
I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and here is what happened....
1st & 2nd week --- I was crying whole day. I could not do anything but cry....
3rd & 4th week -- I was able to spend some time with friends/co-workers, etc... I even went to the local stores to take out some food, coffee, etc etc
I thought "I am recovering".. I felt "my recovery"
After a month & now, I started to cry harder, cannot sleep, cannot focus, cannot go out, cannot eat...
You, I, and many who are here need someone's support...
I am very upset that I am so useless now... I was more active, was more mentally alert, had a little hope for the future a couple of weeks ago but not anymore...
My name is Jan, but i go by amistwisterandme as my user name. A mister for my husband, twister was our dog, and me.
My husband died December 2, 2018. Less than 48 hours after surgery to repair a large hernia. He died at home while i was at the grocery store. The medical examiner signed off over the phone with the assumption that it was complications from surgery. They said blood clot. I say bull. I believe his stomach perforated as he was very bloated when i got home.
I struggle as it was he and i against the world. We worked hard to have a great relationship, and it really was incredible. I miss him so much. We didn't have children, and lost twister a few years ago, so now it's just me and our shih tzu who is in not the best health.