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Katie,

Welcome to the club that none of us wanted to join. I am so very sorry for your loss at such a young age. When you lose your sweetheart, as I experienced too, it is such a heartbreak. I'm sure his heart is still joined to yours and he is watching over you. Be sure to join the age group for your loss. I'm sure there are things that are shared that you can specifically identify with.

Hugs to you.

Thank you

Hello, my name is Jennifer.  I stumbled upon this website while looking for support groups and was attracted by the May-December group, though it does not appear to be active.  My church runs a Grief Share group and I joined them last night and the week before, but they are about to disband for the summer, and a support group for "young" widows and widowers run by an area hospital only meets once a month.  I don't think I can hold everything in that long. So, here I am.  My husband died three weeks ago.  I thought I was doing okay but my therapist, who knows me quite well, says she thinks I am numb.  I have been numb before and I don't remember it feeling like this, but it was a very long time ago.  For the past year and a half I was my husband's full time caregiver and until this last hospitalization we had not been apart more than three hours during this time.  I have been feeling a little lost and at the moment have no purpose.  I miss him.

hello Jennifer.  You have found one of the right places.  People are here because we share a common experience and we find that sharing that with each other can help us.  The numbness that perhaps your therapist is thinking about is what you describe toward the end of your message. That feeling of being disconnected is a form of numbness and I know I felt a bit of that.  I also had the auto-pilot mode where there were things in the first several weeks that had to happen and I just kept pushing through without even thinking about it.  I look back at those first few weeks and cant figure out how I did everything without losing my mind.   There is also the purpose you built for yourself over the last days, weeks, months of your husband's illness, when that purpose comes to an end it is hard finding another one.  Again, just remember we are all out here, we share some of the same experiences and some similar emotions.  I am glad you found us and have the option of other avenues to seek support.  Try as many as you can until one fits you. 

Hi Jennifer.

My name is Michiko...  I think your therapist is right. You are numb.

I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and here is what happened....

1st & 2nd week --- I was crying whole day. I could not do anything but cry....

3rd & 4th week -- I was able to spend some time with friends/co-workers, etc...  I even went to the local stores to take out some food, coffee, etc etc

I thought "I am recovering".. I felt "my recovery"

After a month & now, I started to cry harder, cannot sleep, cannot focus, cannot go out, cannot eat... 

You, I, and many who are here need someone's support...

I am very upset that I am so useless now... I was more active, was more mentally alert, had a little hope for the future a couple of weeks ago but not anymore...

My name is Jan, but i go by amistwisterandme as my user name. A mister for my husband, twister was our dog, and me. 

My husband died December 2, 2018. Less than 48 hours after surgery to repair a large hernia. He died at home while i was at the grocery store. The medical examiner signed off over the phone with the assumption that it was complications from surgery. They said blood clot. I say bull. I believe his stomach perforated as he was very bloated when i got home. 

I struggle as it was he and i against the world. We worked hard to have a great relationship, and it really was incredible.  I miss him so much. We didn't have children, and lost twister a few years ago, so now it's just me and our shih tzu who is in not the best health. 

Amisteratwisterandme, that is a mouthful for sure. I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult to conceive of what happened following what should have been a routine surgery. It is a struggle when you have such a special relationship. It is a special understanding that you have as a couple outside the boundaries of the bustling world. I had that too with my husband.

Grief is the one thing I discovered that cannot be rushed. I am always in a hurry and like things to be resolved and tied up in a neat knot. Grief was the one thing I was not able to do that with. It was a hard, but very important lesson for me.

I wish you the best in your healing. I am sending virtual hugs your way.

Hi. I'm Beth from Rockford, IL. I'm recently widowed (only 3 1/2 mo) and have 3 young children, all age 4 and under. My husband's passing was completely unexpected. Accidental injury at home. We've been together for 12 years, married for 4. I am taking his death extremely hard for a number of reasons, most being that he gave me a good chance at life myself and giving me the family I've always wanted. He accepted me for me with all my problems and now he's gone. My kids are the only thing keeping me going.  

It's time to dive in the Widowed Village pool and see what this is all about support wise that is.

Me?  I lost my wife on Feb. 19, 2014.  She passed away in her sleep due to complications with her breathing disorder (COPD) worsen by having bronchitis.

My life has being going downhill since then.  Other than not having any life insurance (I was a young 52 and the need for such insurance never crossed our minds), the first slap in the face I got was from our friends at Social Security.  We were both disabled and collecting SSDI.  Social Security decided to cut my benefits as the claim to have lost my information.  I've been fighting them ever since to get it back as being disabled and not able to work doesn't pay any bills.  I was forced to move back to Texas From Oklahoma to live with my parents.  I can't stand it here and have PTSD and severe depression.  To make thing worse, in the past couple of years I've experience congestive heart failure and broke one of my ankles too.  I'm seeing a therapist sometimes which only helps so much so I'm falling apart.

Benard,

I can only imagine how your life has been since that fatal day in 2014.  Loosing your source of income and have to move to another state and back in with your parents, it must be so frustrating.  I lost my wife very suddenly on January 20, 2017.  As I have been going through this I have come across others who have had to move because they could no longer afford to live where they were living.  I have often though how depressing all of that must be.  Then to hear of your medical problems on top of everything else oh my, I can understand why you feel so depressed.  If you feel up to it write me back sometime and maybe we can compare notes.

Larry

Life keeps falling down for me Larry.  The biggest issue that makes living my parents at almost 57 years old is transportation issues.  As I was still making payments on my van at the time of losing Social Security I had to give it back to the dealership chain.  Dad is a brain damaged (for real) control freak who limits when and to where I can take on of his cars.  I've blown up with him a few times over this as he insisted driving me to doctor appointments and such.  I put an end to this has his driving ability is downright scary.  This is part of why I haven't seen a doctor about my heart or anything else since last year.  However he has changed his ways this year as he has learned that he can't control me.  Unfortunately I am not motivated to seek out doctors despites having a leaking heart.  Life is just a dark tunnel for me with no light at the end.  I've given up.

To explain more of why I don't care much about myself my wife is not the only one I've lost in the past 5 years.  Both of her parents passed away within two years of her death.  Since then I've lost a cousin to suicided.  To make things that much worse, my oldest step-daughter died from cancer last year.

More lack of motivation comes from being burned out at spending 5 years trying to find help but to always be shut out for one reason or another.  Due to my disabilities and such I haven't worked in 10 years.  Finding some one to hire me has been impossible so far especially since I don't have 100% reliable transportation.

Benard,

I can fully understand the frustration that you are feeling.  Not having any transportation of you own and a lack of money I am sure really help to keep you down.  The biggest problem that I face is the lack of people that I have around me.  In beginning when all of this first started I had several people that were good about calling me but as time went on and as they saw that I was not getting better as they would have liked one by one they all quit calling.  I went through a Greif Share program that lasted for 13 Tuesdays shortly after my wife died and I made a good friend through that group.  We talked a lot until about 3 months ago when she started dating a new guy and now she has little time available to talk to me.  Some weeks I will not see any one that I personally know except when going to church on Sundays.  Like you, my biggest problem is a lack of motivation.  As I said earlier I lost my wife very suddenly and therefore I had no time to prepare even after the doctors had assured us that she was going to be fine. 

Is there no way that you can get your disability reinstated? 

Write when you feel the desire.

Larry 

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