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Hi all, I'm Melissa. My pronouns are ze/zir. I'm just past the 2 month anniversary of losing my partner, Skip. And I'm tired. Just...really tired today.

Hello, my name is Tracy. I'm 42, and I live in NC. My husband died on April 30th after a 9 month battle with kidney cancer. He was only 35. He was the step-father to my four children aged 22, 18, 17, and 10. He was a Sheriff Deputy K9 handler. 

I'm not doing very well, and I'm not interested in going to therapy. I thought I'd look for an Online community to listen to and maybe even talk to. I figure everything I'm going through is normal - I'm glancing through some of your posts, and I already see many similarities. Hopefully I'll find some sort of comfort here. 

I'm sorry you have to be here, Tracy.  What area of NC do you live in?  I am in Durham.

I'm about 1.5 hrs west of you. My husband's treatment was at Duke. My daughter lives up your way in Cary - she just graduated from State. It's nice to meet you. 

TracyNC,

You must be closer over to my way.  I live in Charlotte.  I know all of this must be so difficult for you.  I lost my wife in January 2017 and I am still trying to recover.  I hope you will find some support from this group.

Larry

I'm in Lexington, about an hour from Charlotte. I went to UNCC back in the 90s. It's nice to meet you, and I'm sorry for your loss. 

TracyNC,

Although you will find almost everyone's story to be somewhat different the most common factor that applies to us all is the finality of what happens when our spouse dies.  I hope I can offer some advice to you to help your through this journey.  What I have found is people with have a lot of advice simply accept what works for you and just ignore that which does not help you.

Larry

Hello,

My husband of 11 years passed away last month after a long period of illness.  I miss him ... sometimes just a lil and sometimes to the point of tears.  This process of grief is uncomfortable.  

JustLynn, I am so sorry for your ups and downs navigating this new life. Yes, very uncomfortable... but must be gone through.

I did not think I would be posting in a forum like this, or on a site like this for at least another ten to twenty years. My husband was ten years older than me but he was only 60 when he died.

My husband was killed ten and half weeks ago. I started looking on this site around three weeks after his death but did not post or comment on anything. Even posting now I am aware that it's just another thing I'm doing that means he's permanently gone. It's amazing how the heart and mind persist in magically hoping. 

I am in with an excellent therapist who I initially saw twice a week. She has done much to help me with bodywork to work through the shock and severe separation anxiety. I still cry every day - some days more than others. The weekends are especially hard. 

My husband and I were like a little cult of two. We did almost everything together and he was the center of my world. I was his as well. I am also highly introverted and the only socializing I did was with "us". We were married for ten years. 

I have had many losses in my life, some (like the loss of my father and grandparents) that took me many years to recover. But never anything like this. I feel dissolved and dismantled. I don't know what of me will come back or what new things will become part of me as I move forward and try to heal and mourn. 

For anyone reading this; I am sorry you are here. I am sorry for your loss. 

Hello,

I am very sorry for your loss. Just over 2 years ago, I tragically lost the love of my life after 30 years of marriage. Like you, it was always me and him. We did not need anyone else to be happy. I know how you feel and have experienced many of the same feelings you are experiencing. Focus on mourning, healing, and moving forward. Don't rush it. Feel all of it. But keep a positive attitude. Please know that over time, your grief will change shape and lessen, and you will move forward if you allow yourself to. Please know that you will be stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what is real, honest, and worthy. I, too, underwent therapy and joined grief groups, and just took time for me. You will learn how to be a "me" instead of a "we." It may not be your choice, but you will forge onward because that is what your husband would want for you. Grief is hard, and there are many who really do not understand the journey, but stay strong. You can gracefully survive this time. I am proof of that. Recently, I even began to open my heart again to a new love - and I never thought that loving again could even be possible. But, that is another gift bestowed onto me by my late husband: he taught me how to love and what to expect in love. You will come back, but you will be different. And that is okay.

Thank you. Thank you for your heartfelt reply and your encouragement, Lions fan. <3 

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