I am Judy, lost my husband 3/8/13 due to a doctors error. He was hospitalized for an infection from a lung transplant ( was doing amazing) a feeding tube was put in and his colon was perforated, not diagnosed for 5 days and developed sepsis. He was in the hospital for 5 weeks and due to go home in a a week or so Married for 34 years, 6 children and many grandchildren. Still miss him with all my heart everyday and but am determined to find a little "peace" in my life this year despite all the family drama, stress and being alone as I know that is what he would want for me.
Hello TJ1083, It is good that you found this site. The words shared by others and the opportunity for me to say what I want to say has been very helpful to me. My wife and I were together for 32 years (25 in marriage).
When I was 6 months out, my brother (a former widower) shared with me a bit of his own thoughts that occur to me when you say that you've "never felt loss like this ever." Here is what he said: When two people are in a relationship they form a joint third partner - the relationship or the sum of their parts. Loosing a spouse is like having 2/3 of your person removed - the spouse and the relationship. We all know the emptiness you are experiencing.
That is how I see it still. I wish I could tell you that it gets better. It has gotten less intense after 2.5 years. I remember the waves of grief would throw me to the bottom of the ocean and drag me across rocks. Those waves have lessened and if you are still in that stage, I hope you will remember that when you are on the rocky bottom, it is your own strength that pushes you back to the surface.
The only other bit of advice I have for you is that you will have to learn to have patience with others. People have said the stupidest and most insensitive things to me - all in the hopes of easing my pain. Forgive them. They have no idea of what you are suffering.
My thoughts are with you today. If you ever come to Denver, let's share a meal together.
My husband was my third and I was his third wife. We were married over a decade but had known each other since 1984. I miss my husband so. We were both in our first year of retirement. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. You will find comfort on this site. I rarely post, but read other’s thoughts every day. It helps keep me sane.
I’m sorry you belong here...but you will “belong” here.
I also live in Charlotte and lost my wife in January this year. I would be happy to talk with you and share our loss.
I am doing the best I know how to do. I do not have a big support network which has left me with a lot of time to think. I think we could possibly be of great support to each other. Next month would have been our 20th anniversary. I look forward to hearing from you whenever is good for you.
I lost my wife on January 20th. I am still trying to come to terms with it all. As you say it is the hardest thing I have even had to deal with. You have found a good group and we will be happy to share words of encouragement with you. You will find that talking about all that you are going through will help you a lot.
I am totally amazed by your story and am really sorry for all the sorry that you have been through. My wife had an infection near her colon that was not discovered until it was too late. We honestly thought that she was going to recover and I did not know until the last 30 seconds when her heart stopped that we were in so much trouble. Because the infection was not caught in time it spread into other organs and it dropped her blood pressure so low that it actually stopped her heart. The paramedics were able to get her heart restarted and she was transported to the hospital. She was kept on life support over night but the next morning at 9:05 her heart stopped for the second time at the hospital and I told them to stop all treatment. After that she was gone in less than 5 minutes. Like you I have had very little support. The main support that I have had has come through this group and a lady that I talk to almost daily that I met through the Grief Share program. My wife's family who told me at the funeral home that we would always be family forgot me once they walked out of the funeral home. I was lucky when I went through Grief Share everyone in that group had lost someone by death. Most of them had lost a spouse. I have not been able to carry forward as strongly as you have. While yes, I am interested in helping people as I encounter them I have not had many opportunities. You are an amazing person to me and I would love to talk with you as you have time.
My deepest and most heartfelt apologies for the journey that you have had to walk. I have lived both, unexpected with my daughters, and we knew with my husband, and I can tell you from my experience I still didn't feel like I had closure and of course still to this day, years later, would like that "just one more moment, day, chance, to tell him things". I tell you this hoping in some small way you know that I sincerely believe our loved ones are with us still today and know our hearts. Trust me, I'm not that strong, I just do what I finally realized I could do to honor and I had to do to move through life. You never know what someone is going through, and greeting someone with a smile may just make a life changing difference in their life. It did for me one day. I may be so lonely and sad inside, but I found that as long as I have to be here without my angels and Greg, I would do what I could to put a smile on my face regardless of how I felt inside, in hopes of helping someone that me hanging on by a thread. It actually helps me too in the long run. As terribly lonely as this is, I try. I just wish I could move forward. I lost my best friend to Lung Cancer last year and I still look at our conversation thread just to have someone to be close to. I try and stay busy (too busy) at work, but it is getting to me now. I keep hearing my Greg tell me in his last weeks, to please not waste away when he is gone. He told my sister in law to make sure I didn't. He said, I have so much love and compassion that he couldn't stand the thought of me curling up and he knew I would give up over this. I promised him I wouldn't, but no one understands, we are not divorced, there is no hate, there is still love and will always be. The Grief Shares here are full of divorced people. Couldn't handle it. I will fly somewhere if I could find a good group close enough. I just need people that understand. I think this support group will help. I am willing to support as much if not more than be supported on this journey. I will be here for anyone that reaches out. I would be more than happy to talk any time. I'm so glad you have support from a friend. That would be amazing.