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Hi, I am SherylS. My husband Tom passed away in October. I joined a grief support group through Hospice within 2 weeks. Oh, my what a great encouragement! Tom, we found out, had stomach cancer. It was such a shock because he had literally never had a sick day, except a cold. He was 65. We thought we had months, but it was actually only a few weeks. I am thankful, however, he didn't suffer. HIs kidneys failed at the end. They say it is a peaceful way to go. He was uncomfortable, but not terribly in pain.

God has watched over me in so many ways. I have great friends! I don't have family nearby. One friend calls me every single day. So thankful for her.

I knew losing a spouse was a terrible loss, but oh! I was physically hurting for at least 2 weeks, and sleeping rarely. It was awful, besides the emotional turmoil. I could always go to Tom for a hug, but now it seemed I had no one. I just longed for someone to actually hold me while I sobbed, but I realize no one could replace his hugs. 

Tom and I did everything together, as much as it hurts, maybe too much. I made my life around his, and he, mine. We had so much fun! Traveling and camping. I always said we never had any bad memories, and I don't think we did. I will miss him forever!

Hugs to you all!

SherylS

Hello, I am a new widow.  My husband, Scott passed away 11/25/17 after a 20-day battle with pancreatic cancer.  Except we weren't told it was pancreatic cancer until one week before.  He was scheduled to start chemo 2 days after he passed, so we didn't even get to start the fight.  Maybe it's a good thing that it was quick.  He had absolutely no signs of illness until the day I rushed him to the emergency room with intense abdominal pain and shortness of breath while we were out raking leaves.  We were together 20 years, married 5 1/2 years...no kids.  I'm only 50 and terrified of what the future will hold.  

I'm already seeing a grief counselor and have gone back to work.  I'm finding it hard to be home, surrounded by Scott...and the deafening silence around me.  

My heart goes out to everyone here.  

Hello Denverkim, You are in a good place here. We've all experienced a terrible grief and I've found it to be very helpful to post and read. You are early in the experience. If you are experiencing a fog in your mind, I encourage you to let it be. Several of us have found it to be a protective cover. Right now take care of yourself. You may need to ask  your support system for the kind of help that you think you need. You are in my thoughts today.  

Thank you IBelieveInYou.  I feel less alone already.  

You've come to the right place, there are so many wonderful people here to help!  

Hi Kim,

I lost my husband last October, after a two-week hospitalization. We also didn't know he was dying before that time. He was 43, and I was 31, and he was stepfather to my now 10 year old son. Our 2 year wedding anniversary was while he was hospitalized.

You will find the people who really get you and are most compassionate are those who have also suffered tremendous loss, especially those who have also lost their spouses. It is good you have reached out. Many people are uncomfortable with grief in our culture especially, and you probably have already experienced friends making empty offers of support or turning away from you. I am so sorry our world is like that. I agree with IBelieveInYou, your self-care is so important right now. Make sure you are sleeping.Make sure you are eating. Make sure you are drinking water. Take long, hot showers,and sit outside on sunny days. Nothing will probably feel good right now, but try to do the things that you know should feel good anyway.

I am in the Denver area too (Lakewood). There are some great resources here. I would check out The HeartLight Center http://www.heartlightcenter.org/ and get connected there. If you ever want to meet up for coffee, or just need some company some night,  send me a message and we can try and connect.

Debbie

Hey there girl. I totally understand the fear of the future. It seems unreal, like your life is not yours anymore. I'm terrified of being alone for the rest of my natural life ( as I'm 47), but we just have to ride this wave as hard as it is. Scott will always be in your heart and you'll be okay. Hugs for you!

Kim, I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband of 32 years passed on July 6th, unexpectedly of a heart attack. His name was Scott. I'm 51 and also a Kim. I can't even think about the future I guess because it doesn't feel like I have one, even with 4 grown children. I joined here instead of going to counseling. lol

Thank you, Kim.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

I started grief counseling last week and have gone to two support group outings.  One group is very social and that definitely seems more my speed.  I'm going to attend another widows/widowers support group tomorrow evening...we'll see how that goes.  I'm so lost.  I cannot fathom being happy ever again.  And I cannot fathom ever having another man in my life.  I know it's too soon, but the 20 years Scott and I spent together, we really and truly were each other's backbones.  No one gets me like he does. 

I have a hard time getting up and getting ready for work...the only thing that gets me out of bed is the fear of being in the house all day, where the wave of grief pounds me into the sand.  I can only take being in my house for a couple of hours in the evening before exhaustion sends me to bed.  I wished I felt comfort and peace at home.  I'm sure that makes Scott sad, because he loved the house and definitely had no problem being there by himself for long stretches of time.  Not me. 

I wish all of you comfort and peace right now.  This time of year is the worst.

Kim

I had to explain to my parents recently when they asked if a Christmas party would be "fun" that no, fun wasn't in the realm of possibility right now. The joy has been ripped right out of my life. We're not even trying to celebrate Christmas. No tree, no decorations. Going to the beach instead.

It's funny how we all react differently. At first, I was wishing I had a job to go to. (I work at home) Being at home you just can't get away from it. I spent a week with my parents and actually went a day without crying. Of course, I felt guilty afterward. I couldn't wait to get home to his familiar smells and see his stuff lying around the house. Now I kind of wallow in it. 

And the worst part is knowing that one person who "got" me is gone. I'm dealing with all these feelings and this soul-deep hurt, and the one person I want to talk to about it isn't here. I've always enjoyed being alone, but now I realize, I've never been alone. This is a whole different kind of alone.

Hope your days get, if not better, more bearable. 

Kim

Question: Am I crazy or is it normal to have severe mood swings? I go from happy and upbeat to crying like a baby... Just cannot stand it. I typically have my emotions very much in check.

I agree, Terry! Crazy!

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