I had to explain to my parents recently when they asked if a Christmas party would be "fun" that no, fun wasn't in the realm of possibility right now. The joy has been ripped right out of my life. We're not even trying to celebrate Christmas. No tree, no decorations. Going to the beach instead.
It's funny how we all react differently. At first, I was wishing I had a job to go to. (I work at home) Being at home you just can't get away from it. I spent a week with my parents and actually went a day without crying. Of course, I felt guilty afterward. I couldn't wait to get home to his familiar smells and see his stuff lying around the house. Now I kind of wallow in it.
And the worst part is knowing that one person who "got" me is gone. I'm dealing with all these feelings and this soul-deep hurt, and the one person I want to talk to about it isn't here. I've always enjoyed being alone, but now I realize, I've never been alone. This is a whole different kind of alone.
Hope your days get, if not better, more bearable.
Your comment "And the worst part is knowing that one person who "got" me is gone" rings true...:(
Question: Am I crazy or is it normal to have severe mood swings? I go from happy and upbeat to crying like a baby... Just cannot stand it. I typically have my emotions very much in check.
You are completely normal Sasha...there probably isn't a person here who has not experienced the big mood swings! Laughing one minute, angry enough to kill the nearest person next thing and then bawling like a baby after that. It's part of the process so don't feel you are going crazy. Perhaps these feelings serve to remind us that we can still feel?
I agree, Terry! Crazy!
Early on my experience of grief was described this way: I would be on the surface of the ocean peacefully floating. Then, without warning, I'd be at the bottom of the ocean floor being dragged across jagged rocks. Moments (or hours) later I'd be back on the surface as if nothing happened. So, no, I don't think you are crazy for having severe mood swings. What we have experienced is, in my mind, like having a limb detached. It's terrible. Focus on yourself. If you aren't hurting yourself or others, most likely your reactions are normal.
Shasha, last night I felt really "happy", I had sent my 2 granddaughters Christmas sweaters, something Helen had always done. I thought Helen would want me to send them - I really am not very good at this sort of thing but was delighted when my older granddaughter Lucy (19) sent me a picture of her in the sweater on facebook. Tonight I am down in the depths again, wondering why this has happened (Helen passed on the 30th June). Its another one of those mood swings that I am having such difficulty with. Ray
That was very sweet - I'm 100% sure Helen would be proud and happy. Sometimes I just wonder what is the point, but then it goes away.
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain sometimes is unbearable but what I find comfort in is prayer. When I feel dark and helpless I begin to pray and it helps. I know that the pain we are experiencing will eventually decrease but what we feel now is hard to explain. I pray that you have peace and know that your spouse is looking down from heaven and embracing you through these trying times hang in there my friend.