wow, Thank you. so much. Reading your response oddly makes me less alone.
It's also comforting to know that others have survived this- I know millions have
but it's nice to hear it first hand. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just
feel exhausted and empty. I keep thinking the sadness will just consume me.
I am continuing on in my life as normal as possible but the evenings get very
difficult. Thank you again for giving me a moment of hope today, bless you
Please feel free to post what is on your mind and heart. In the beginning, each step was like taking a bullet for me. You don't realize how strong you can be until you have to prove it. I can honestly say that my own journey has made me stronger and I have learned things about myself and others - good, bad or indifferent, along the way. I continue to learn, as my journey is not over. The day we stop learning is the day we stop breathing. As someone once said to me, "There is no way out - only a way through."
I will send you a friend invite but there is no pressure for you to accept. I am but one of many that are here for you.
Wishing you peace and a virtual hug.
GTG, So so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost Helen 30th June and I now seem to be at the point where the pain is still there but the heartwhrenching, stomach churning grief seems to be a little in abeyance. Its 5am here (UK) been awake for a couple of hours but was able to just lay in bed without the huge distress I was feeling in the first 4 or 5 months. The past weeks have been difficult over the Christmas period and had another first on the 14th January which was Helen's birthday. It was the first birthday in 50 years that she wasn't with me. I have been exceptionally lucky with a group of friends who have been and are still supportive which helps considerably. If you have such groups please let them help. It is a day at a time existence, some days are OK (some but not many are quite good), but others are down right awful, but I do feel that I am currently on a slight (quite slight) upward curve.
Two days ago I thought I would look at booking a few days away in Spain, one our favorite places. Looked at flights, looked at hotels and then went into panic mode - the though of going without Helen just overwhelmed me - thought I would just leave that for another good day!!!
The lack of sleep was the main thing that exhausted me in the first few months, I did take to sleep aid tablets to get me through that period and still do now a day or two a week but I now try not to be reliant on them.
GTG, please stay safe on this difficult difficult journey that you have found yourself on and as Nieta said, post what is on your mind. That is one of the main thing that has helped me so far. Get that worm out of your head and on to the paper it really does help. Feel the embrace of us like minded and equally desperate friends. Ray
Thank you so much Ray- and I am so so sorry to hear about Helen. 50 years together- I can't imagine your pain and the feeling of losing yourself with her. Kevin and I spent 11 glorious years together- and we were truly madly in love with each other. I feel it is a gift that I can say I have no regrets and no what ifs... we just needed more time to complete our journey together. We traveled a lot- like you and Helen. We had a trip booked- leaving Feb 7 to go to Germany and Austria returning on Feb 15... We were planning on Spain in the spring. My best memories of us are traveling and I (like you) can not imagine what it will be like traveling without him.
I am continuing on in the business we shared so I am busy most of the day. I have found in these 19 days - the best cure for my grief is MOTION... I am trying to walk the dog as much as possible and hit the gym to see friends. I am flooding myself with books at night. I realize there is nothing I can do to bring him back... all I can do at this point is honor him and honor his death and I want to do so by living the best life I can. I am only 47........... uggg... I am happy you said hello. It HELPS to hear of others journeys and know they have literally survived.
Dena, I have had so much help from WV and it helps me to give support to others. You are so strong to carry on with your business after such agonizing and dreadful experience. I am surviving and each day is hopefully one more day to better times. But I wake each morning say good morning to Helen and kiss her picture, at night I say goodnight and kiss her picture and that makes it easier for me. Have sent you a message. Best wishes, Ray
I sent you a message also- but I did not see one from you. Sorry
Good morning all, my name is Donna I'm from the UK originally but one day in 04 I meet my soulmate on line, we married in 05 and in 06 I packed myself and my son up and moved to NY. My husband JJ was everything I wanted but never thought I would get. We were blessed to have a child together Henry. My husband was a farmer he worked every day, he was never sick, but last December I noticed him getting tired quicker and out of breath . On January 4th of this year he went to work I told him to be home early as we had dinner plans. I'm an office manager and work incredibly long hours but I had a double disc replacement in my neck in the beginning of December so I was home (I was to go back to work on the 8th), anyway JJ walked in walked up stairs and laid on the bed. I asked him if he wanted coffee he said No (I knew something was wrong ) he then jumped up and collapsed. My mother in law and our son heard me scream , I tried CPR for 40 minutes till our emergency service people could get to us (bear in mind the fire house is 2 mins from my house, but that's a different story that my attorney is handling). They tried to shock him but the defib machine wouldn't hold a charge. My son watches his Daddy die because I couldn't save him. How I have managed to make it through the past 5 weeks I have no idea. I can't bury him till spring because the ground is frozen in N.Y. till then, all my family are in England I feel so alone, my heart aches every day but I know I have to carry on because my son's and my mother in law need me (JJ was an only child and I hurt for my ma so much). Jac my eldest son is 25 and is doing ok. Henry our 10 year old has adhd,ocd and is on the spectrum won't talk about his Daddy because if he does that means he really is dead (he is in counselling), but my little boy has decided no other child should watch his mum fight to save her soul mate and has made a team to walk in this year's Heart Walk and Run with the American Heart Association, it's his way of helping and his way of dealing and he has surprised me with just how committed he is to it. My heart feels that JJ isn't far away and that we will be together again but it just seems so unfair we are only 46 we were supposed to grow old together.
Thank you for reading this
hugs and welcome, Donna
I am so sorry that you lost your husband such a short time ago. I truly know how that feels. I lost my wife very suddenly in January of last year and have struggled with that mightily since. The in August of last my mother who is 97 started a period of declining health with came to a close this afternoon as I too lost her. What was so amazing with Mom was that up until August she was the picture of perfect health. Unfortunately after a short stay in the hospital during August the day she came back home she fell before she could get into the house and broke her hip. Even though she had surgery on that hip 2 days later and if was repaired to perfection she never again had confidence in that hip. From there she went through a period of one problem after another. If you need to talk further about how you are feeling I truly believe I can help through it.
I'm so very very sorry your great has suffered another loss.
Giant, gentle hugs! I'm so so sorry your heart is hurting so!
Hello I am TCHA (Maggie) my husband of over 30 years died on 4th February after seven years of struggle. He was diagnosed with cancer, then overcame that but the list of illnesses goes on and on. He did of sepsis from a diabetic foot ulcer. So he had not been the man I married for quite a while because he was so upset by his illnesses. I am still feeling pretty numb and have no idea how I will manage without him on my life.