Introduce yourselves, please!

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Permalink Reply by stephenkansas on January 28, 2012 at 9:07pm

Thank you for your reply Paula.......I appreciate it.  I am sorry for what you are going through as well.   I don't blame people for not calling as often....I believe they are all good friends and very good people.  They reached out at a time when I needed them.....but they aren't affected by this directly...so its natural that people get back to their lives. 

I know I'm going to have to learn to live alone....I have two daughters who are a blessing.  I'm trying to stay as positive as I can about life going forward...I don't know how that sounds to others, but I also don't know how I would survive this if I didn't try to do that.   

I hope we will be able to "talk" in the future in these various group discussion "rooms".

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Permalink Reply by Paula Rene on January 28, 2012 at 9:19pm

I think you mentioned your daughters' ages.  How old are they?

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Permalink Reply by stephenkansas on January 29, 2012 at 8:56pm

Paula,

They are both in their mid twenties...both out of school....so they are both young adults.  I've been blessed to have them in my life.  They are both smart, strong young women now.  When people complement me I tell them....when you complement the child, you complement the mother.

 

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Permalink Reply by going to make it on January 28, 2012 at 9:55pm

{{{HUGS}}} Paula! I'm so very sorry to "meet" you this way but glad to meet you :) While your post made me sad because yet another person is walking this journey, I just had to say thank you for putting a smile (& I have to admit...a lil giggle in my heart) on my face today. I can just picture that pady screeching...errr I mean singing... in that ICU and all the nurses cringing. hahaha Through so much heartache, there is still laughter. :)

 

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Permalink Reply by going to make it on February 2, 2012 at 2:20am

35 years ago today my highschool sweetheart asked me to "go with him." My answer? "Sure. Where?" HAHAHA I say that shouldn\'ve been his 1st clue how the next 31 years were gonna go HAHAHA Sure miss him!

Love the stories I've read tonite about "signs." We married very young (I was BARELY 15) and married 30 years. When Tracy died I was completely lost. I didn't know how I was going to make it without him. I looked at his picture on the nightstand and, sobbing, asked him to show me he was in Heaven and was ok. I swear to all that is holy, that picture smiled at me! Then he blew a kiss! Then it was the picture again. I've tried again over the past 4 years to get it to do it again, but it won't. I guess he answered my question and that is that. Other things happened but not that. When my 2nd husband died, I sat in his chair in the office completely at a loss of where to look for a paper I needed. I asked him to please show me and when I looked up it was sticking out between 2 of his bibles! I also found lots of notes from him in different places on his desk, which got me through those first months. I know why he did that. I had watched "PS I Love You" after my 1st hubby died and cried (ok yelled) "Where are my letters? I want letters!" When my 2nd hubby & I dated we were talking one day & he asked me what I thought would've out a smile on my face in those months after Tracy died. Without hesitation, I said letters. THAT WAS BEFORE HE WAS EVEN DX WITH HIS CANCER! I've often wondered if he somehow knew he wouldn't live a long life because that wasn't the only thing like that he did. Long before we were even dating, in another of our talks, he took my hand and said, "When I die, you are the one I want taking care of me." Not If I die. WHEN. Isn't that odd?

Thanks for letting me ramble tonite!

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Permalink Reply by lifeistoshort1975 on February 2, 2012 at 3:32am

I am Heather age 36, My husband died unexpectantly from a blood clot that was located in his leg which traveled up through his heart and lungs. Dec 20, 2010. He left the house at 9:30pm to go plow snow in the Fred Meyer parking lot, apparently he called 911 from there. Kiersten our 9 year old daughter at that time. her and I were awoken by Dukes step dad yelling up the stairs. "Heather! get up, we think Duke had a heart attach" Kiersten and I got in the expedition and drove slowly up to the hospital. I was prepaired to give him crap. because that is how our relationship was full of jokes. we arrived up there. and normally if everything is ok they lead you through the emergency room doors. We were greated by a nurse. She said it wasnt good, I shook my head no, she shock her head yes. and kiersten and I fell to the floor. and I kept on yelling "Its not true, its fake" over and over again. we then went to the "Quiet Room" where is mom was, and stepdad. I asked for his wedding ring and well that was it. They asked me if I wanted to go see him. but I just couldnt. I am a visual person and that would of hurt me and would of made my life more traumatized for the rest of my life. I never did go see him not at the service either. I remember him leaving the house, and me saying I love you and becareful.  I am still dying inside.

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Permalink Reply by going to make it on February 2, 2012 at 2:41pm

(((Hugs))) Heather. Sorry to hear you're going through such heartache! I pray you find ppl here who you can connect with & together make the journey a little easier.

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Permalink Reply by Joyce on February 2, 2012 at 8:42pm

Welcome Heather, I'm sorry for your loss but glad you found your way here.   You will find lots of support and understanding here. 

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Permalink Reply by lorioc42 on February 3, 2012 at 1:46pm

I do understand that hurt Heather.  I also know the feeling of "dying" inside.  Unfortunately we don't die, we take it a day at a time, or moment at a time.  We put one foot in front of the other and we live, and we breathe.  We work at living again but differently.  I hope this makes sense to you.  We are here to help and support you as you journey forward.  

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Permalink Reply by carolynne on February 4, 2012 at 12:18pm

Heather, my husband also died unexpectedly (at 34 of a heart attack while we slept) 7 months ago. I woke and found him. The image haunts me, I have PTSD and panic attacks....I believe you were very wise to choose to not see his body. I hope someday we stop dying inside and somehow begin living again.  

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Permalink Reply by lorioc42 on February 4, 2012 at 1:58pm

Carolynne, my husband died of a heart attack while we were sleeping as well.  I found him there when I woke.  Sometimes I relive that day and I see him lying there although it doesn't haunt me; I feel very sad and alone.  I pray that someday you aren't haunted by the image.  Breathe.....

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Permalink Reply by DonnaReid on February 4, 2012 at 2:09pm

Carolynne, it will be a year next week since I woke up and found my husband had died in his sleep (hopefully he wasn't awake when it happened...who knows??) from a heart attack. I still get chills when I enter the bedroom where I found him. I have not slept in there. Everytime I even glance into the room I see that image of his grey, stiff, lifeless body laying there. I was so haunted by it right after his death that I kept a light on in there all night for months. PTSD...big time!

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