Thank you. Some friends have suggested I get a dog. We had lost ours about a year ago. But I am very hesitant to do that since I work full time, the dog would be alone all day. I do have a cat but I suppose that is not the same thing :)
We had 2 dogs, the one that spent the most time with my late husband is grieving herself. My older dog is just content to be fed and to be able to sleep all day. I have gotten a cat in August who was such a comfort to me, I write "was" because he died a week after I lost my husband. Pets can be a comfort and a good reason to get up early in the morning to feed him. That are also a lot of responsibility, I can't even think about getting another cat right now, especially with my future being so uncertain.
If you feel that your friends and family can give you comfort, do not isolate yourselves from them. They can be a good distraction.
I promise the grief gets lighter. My husband passed away this past October and we have 2 children, 20 and 14. The 20 year old came home from college and is going to college closer so he can live at home, but with that being said....grief is grief and regardless of who is around you, this is just a process. In a month or so you will be a bit better and the next month, better still. I still find myself on my closet floor clinging to my husbands clothes and trying to smell him, but not as much as before. I do find moments of joy and you will too! It is too bad that you don't live in Northern Ca, I would be over in a heartbeat!
Yep. Isolation has been when I do. My wife suddenly passed at age 33 (her age) and I have not really wantedd to talk to anybody as I dont want to hear anything anyone really has to say unless it has to do with death or Nicole. I am up to 1 hour a day of conversation with others. World is gray. Nothing much to live for....just robot.
Yes, I identify with not wanting to talk to anyone that hasn't lost a spouse. Its draining, I limit my time talking to people.
Hello, I’m so glad I found this site. I have been browsing here for a couple of weeks and already feel that I’ve found my people. I feel assured that everything I have been feeling is normal and to be expected. It is so good to find those who will really understand.
My husband Michael and I had 33 years together and celebrated our 30th anniversary last year. Not all of the early years were awesome, but I was always certain of our love. He died in July 2016 of heart failure. His family has a long history of heart disease, and he lived longer than anyone expected, himself included. He was 71. He survived sudden cardiac death almost ten years before, and we counted the years that followed as a bonus. His health declined after that, but gradually up until the last year of his life. He never complained much, but I know that towards the end he felt much worse than he let on.
He was in Stage Four of heart failure, and was found to be a candidate for an L-VAD to help his heart pump, but things went wrong during surgery to prepare him for the device. He was in C-ICU for two weeks as more complications arose, his kidneys failed, and it was determined that he had a stroke. It became clear that he could not survive without life support. Fortunately, I knew what his wishes were in that matter. Family, friends, and I were with him when he died.
My brain is starting to work fairly well after months of feeling concussed. I am navigating the world more comfortably. I have tried to be mindful of feeling and honoring every emotion that comes, and try to learn what each can teach me. This isn’t my first emotional storm, but it is definitely the biggest and most powerful. I thought I understood the stages of grief, but was surprised to find out they keep circling around for another visit. And in no particular order. I am stunned by some of the things that bring me to tears. And how surreal many things are. I have a dark sense of humor and it is still functioning. I am sometimes described by friends as ‘quirky’. I could almost always make my sweetie laugh.
I describe myself as an optimistic realist. I believe my best attribute to be kindness. I will be sixty soon, am in good health, and work full time. I enjoy my job and am thankful to have somewhere to go every day. I feel capable of handling life on my own although it seems that I miss him more all the time. Some days I feel pretty strong and other days it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I feel strong support from my very small family and a handful of good friends. I live alone.
Death always comes as a surprise, doesn’t it? Even with all the years that we lived with the knowledge that I would most likely outlive him, I was stunned when he died. I still am. It’s impossible to prepare one’s self, but I did think about how I might do without him. I was confident that I would be okay with dealing with the details of life. That has freed my mind to concentrate on mourning him. Yes, I have worries that keep me awake at night, but everyone does.
My screen name refers to something I read a couple of months after Michael died that I have found helpful:
Fear whispered, "you're not strong
enough to weather the storm."
Today I whispered back,
"I am the storm."
This reminds me that I am stronger than fear. Most days, anyway. The other days I just pretend.
Well stated. THanks very much for sharing.
Welcome and hugs to you, Aquarius.