I so understand what you are saying. I'm in exactly the same place. I'll introduce myself next.
Oh Kristyn you have had more to deal with than anyone should ever be expected to.. (((Kristyn))). Where are you located? Such a huge amount of loss and grief for one person to bear. So glad your daughters are there for you. You say you get up go to work. What sort of work do you do? I have taken six weeks off work. Dont know how I am going to cope when I go back because I just burst into tears out of the blue constantly. Am going today to pick up my husbands ashes. Feeling very sad.
My mother started it all back in 2010, when she started showing significant signs of Alzheimer's. In 2011 I moved her to my town so that I could be a caregiver to her. As her disease progressed, I needed to be there more and more. In August 2015 she died, and my family thought we could put things behind us.
Wrong. Exactly two months later, her sister died. In May 2016, my lovely father-in-law got sick and two weeks later died in his sleep. Then in Sept. 2016 my husband's uncle died. My husband started having a lot of pain in his leg and began doctoring it. In March, my cousin died of cancer, and then my husband ended up in the hospital and diagnosed with his second cancer. He had beaten the first one 8 years ago. They were not related. While he was being diagnosed, another cousin died from cancer.
From April to October, 2017 my husband spent 83 days in three different hospitals in two states. His cancer was responding to treatments, but his body had enough and on October 5, 2017 I lost him to cardiac arrest while they took him from his hospital room to a routine liver ultrasound. I am an orphan at 48 (the age my father was when he died 41 years ago and I was a young girl). I have no family, no real friends, but I do have four daughters (25, 22, 11, 9) who are helping me as they go through their own grief.
I was a caregiver for so many years..... watched my mother wither and fade, and then my father-in-law, and then my husband. John was 54 when he died. We had been married for 26 years. I thought I was handling it..... but the reality of my loneliness is deafening. I'm going to therapy, but I feel like I'm just paying her to be my friend, so my blog is my outlet. And hopefully here.
I just don't care about anything anymore. I get up, work, go home, sleep, and hit repeat. I try to do fun things, but I don't feel fun anymore.
My soul's new north is this poem....
Sing me a song of a lass that is gone,
Say, could that lass be I?
Merry of soul, she sailed on a day
Over the sea to Skye
Billows and breeze, islands and seas
mountains of rain and sun
All that was good, All that was fair
All that was me is gone.
I am so very sorry for you losses. I can't even begin to imagine. I have 2 girls (now ages 10 & 12) that I think were two of the few things that kept me going in the beginning. I'm still quite "fresh" you might say, as it's only been 19.5 months since I lost my Chris to an accident in the mountains in June 2016.
I wanted to tell you that I love that poem -- and I recognize it. It's the opening song for the Outlander series (which is wonderful, by the way, but the books are 100 times better).
Sending you hugs and know there are others out there to help you.
I binge watched Outlander for the first time this weekend. Couldn't get up out of bed at all, so I watched about 30 episodes. I started to notice the lyrics to the intro were speaking to me, so I googled them and basically close my eyes when it starts because it is MY song now.
Thanks for your message... and I'm so sorry that we had to meet this way :(
I’m so very sorry.
You've said so much that I feel.
Hello, I am a new member. I lost my husband suddenly in September 2017 from a car accident. We are only 40 and have no children. I am lost and feel so alone. I joined because I really only have my dog and my parents and I am having a hard time dealing with this practically all by myself. My mom has been wonderful to talk to but she is already starting to question my thoughts and instead of listening just keeps telling me I am being irrational or basically giving "advice" I don't want. Other than her I just have one friend and co-worker friends. My one friend has a husband and kids so I hardly get to see or talk to her (which isn't abnormal). But then when I do talk to her, I am never able to express my grief and it doesn't help that she was the first person to tell me "you're young, you will find someone else" less than a month after my love passed. I called a family friend who was a widow and I had a wonderful conversation with her but I called her again and sent her a text and she never responded. I can't believe how so many people's "good intentions" literally went to crap. People don't realize their empty promises I took to heart and was counting on them. I started seeing a therapist and it's wonderful but the hour goes by too fast I feel I need daily therapy. There are no group therapy around and I feel so alone, lonely and depressed. And don't get me started on my in-laws!!! Thanks for letting me blow off some steam.
Please accept my genuine condolences on your loss. You have embarked on a journey that has no manual. Last Monday marked the 4th year since the awful day when my husband died unexpectedly from a massive heart attack. He has just turned 51 a couple of weeks earlier and I was still 50. We have no children and our canine son passed five years before my husband. I think it must be exasperating for a mother to try to heal and fix her child when their rationalization and advice do not help and sometimes even hurts.
I've learned a few lessons in my own journey. There were many who offered to help and be there when I first lost my husband and yet, I can count those who actually did so on 2 fingers. I've also learned that the best person I can rely on is me. That's not to say that I don't recognize and appreciate help when it is given. It is very difficult for someone who has not experienced such a loss to fully understand it. Grief is not something you simply "get over." You simply distract yourself from it as best you can and some days/moments are definitely better than others. This journey has many twists and turns and, while some may possess similarities, now two are exactly alike. Please know, that there are healing people out there that will simply listen, allow you to cry and talk and grieve for your husband. Even now, there are still days when I have my moments and need to cry. Some you will find on this website and others that you come across may surprise you.
You may also find that there are plenty of people that will offer advice. Glean from those offerings what you believe is best for you as, you are the best authority on what is best for you. I also went to therapy and I spoke to a couple of priests in the beginning. It helped to speak to an impartial person or persons that were willing to listen and allow you to shed the valid tears that you needed to release.
I trust and hope that you will find sanctuary and solace on this site.
Wishing you courage, strength and love on your journey.
You are so right about the best person you can rely on is yourself. I learned pretty quickly that I was "in this alone" and I have to learn to take care of myself, by myself. Grief is very exhausting!
It is exhausting and can often be incredibly frustrating! We are the authors of our own lives and we make it up as we go along.
I remember each step and breath that I took in the early days of my grief feeling as if I were taking a bullet. I could not look anywhere or see anything that did not remind me of a memory with my husband because they were experiences we could no longer continue to create. Each time I saw a restaurant we'd been to or even sat on the subway on my way to work reminded me of trying new restaurants with him and sitting squashed up together on the subway as he read the paper while I had my arm linked with his. This was not simply an emotional pain I was experiencing, I physically felt as if someone had punched me in the heart.
In my experience, those memories don't go away but in time, they become easier to live with and some of them might make you smile one day. You may also find or have found that while your husband is no longer physically with you, the love you have for each other did not die with him.
Nieta, so much you write (not the subway part!) feels familiar to me. I have scouted out new restaurants in order for me NOT to feel the loss of him and his perpetual smiling presence. hope take away:
My hope take away in your words: "the love you have for each other did not die with him." That's comforting, reassuring. Thanks for this.