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Hello everyone, thank you for allowing me sacred space to be part of this community.  I've been reading while waiting for access, and I am honored to read your stories.

I lost my Stephen in August of 2018.  He was diagnosed with multiple myeloma a few months prior, had surgery to remove an invasive tumor on his spine, and had just completed his first round of chemo.  He was in his off week.  I awoke one morning to find him unresponsive.  Rushed to ER with extremely high heart rate, fever, and pneumonia.  This quickly lead to sepsis, and less than 48 hours later, we let him go.  I am blessed that I had the opportunity to be with him until the end, with my hand on his heart.  

I am in a better place now than I was then.  I still have moments of grief, but they're softer now.   I harbor no anger or regrets.  I am able to reflect on our life with deep gratitude for having had the almost 10 years with Stephen that I did.  Odd as it may sound, his passing has made me a better person.  I live with more gratitude and love. I don't sweat the small stuff.   I try to find good in everyone I encounter.  His life and his death have graced me with a better me.

I'll always love him, and I'll always miss him.  But I know his spirit is with me and always will be.  That gives me strength.

~Shirley

Ciao Shirley... What's your secret ? You are so extraordinarily peaceful and positive about your loss... Something that i'm trying to find in me everyday but i can't...i'm still grieving and missing him heavily...it's wonderful to know that's it possible  even in the first Years...that there is a way to let go this awful pain...thanks for share your great experience... A big hug ciao roxi

Hi Roxi, thank you for your kind words.

The first few months were awful.  Inability to eat or sleep and I was on medication for anxiety.  But I was never filled with anger or what ifs.  I actually thought myself weird for not feeling those.....

The pivotal point was a book I happened upon about afterlife. Then I participated in an online webinar with a group on this subject which included a guest spiritual medium.  All I mentioned in the chat is that I had lost my husband three months prior.  Later in the webinar,  I had an impromptu reading, without participating on my end via audio or video.  The result of that was stunning and undeniable.  There was a distinct shift in my consciousness.  (My apologies if this sounds a bit "woo woo.")

Trust me, I have my moments of grief and lonliness, have been through all of the firsts except his transition anniversary coming up in August.  

I live my life knowing Stephen's spirit and energy are eternally connected to mine.  That in itself gives me strength.

Hugs, ~Shirley 

Roxi & Shirley,

There are major differences in grief from death due to natural causes & unnatural causes. Anticipated death is due to natural causes. Sudden natural death is from a  heart attack, anuerysm, etc. [Sudden] unnatural death is categorized as homicide, suicide, accident. Of the 3, the latter will most often cause trauma & complicated grief. The former is a natural gradual progression toward death that can involve the death process, regardless, of hope, medical error &/or if it occurs within hours, days, weeks or months - everyone is aware death it is inevitable ...

There is also a major difference between complicated grief & difficulties w/grief ...

As well as a difference between a flashback & reoccurring memories. A flashback is caused by trauma. A reoccurring memory is a natural part of the grief process ...

Hope this helps to get some understanding of "why" everyone grieves differently" ... 

Thanks Lisa... You're right...we are so different...and our life is so different...hope i can find my relief...ciao Roxi

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