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Dena, I have had so much help from WV and it helps me to give support to others.  You are so strong to carry on with your business after such agonizing and dreadful experience.  I am surviving and each day is hopefully one more day to better times.  But I wake each morning say good morning to Helen and kiss her picture, at night I say goodnight and kiss her picture and that makes it easier for me.  Have sent you a message.  Best wishes, Ray

thank you! 

I sent you a message also- but I did not see one from you. Sorry 

Good morning all, my name is Donna I'm from the UK originally but one day in 04 I meet my soulmate on line, we married in 05 and in 06 I packed myself and my son up and moved to NY. My husband JJ was everything I wanted but never thought I would get. We were blessed to have a child together Henry. My husband was a farmer he worked every day, he was never sick, but last December I noticed him getting tired quicker and out of breath . On January 4th of this year he went to work I told him to be home early as we had dinner plans. I'm an office manager  and work incredibly long hours but I had a double disc replacement in my neck in the beginning of December so I was home (I was to go back to work on the 8th), anyway JJ walked in walked up stairs and laid on the bed. I asked him if he wanted coffee he said No (I knew something was wrong ) he then jumped up and collapsed. My mother in law and our son heard me scream , I tried CPR for 40 minutes till our emergency service people could get to us (bear in mind the fire house is 2 mins from my house, but that's a different story that my attorney is handling). They tried to shock him but the defib machine wouldn't hold a charge. My son watches his Daddy die because I couldn't save him. How I have managed to make it through the past 5 weeks I have no idea. I can't bury him till spring because the ground is frozen in N.Y. till then, all my family are in England I feel so alone, my heart aches every day but I know I have to carry on because my son's and my mother in law need me (JJ was an only child and I hurt for my ma so much). Jac my eldest son is 25 and is doing ok. Henry our 10 year old has adhd,ocd and is on the spectrum won't talk about his Daddy because if he does that means he really is dead (he is in counselling), but my little boy has decided no other child should watch his mum fight to save her soul mate and has made a team to walk in this year's Heart Walk and Run with the American Heart Association, it's his way of helping and his way of dealing and he has surprised me with just how committed he is to it. My heart feels that JJ isn't far away and that we will be together again but it just seems so unfair we are only 46 we were supposed to grow old together. 

Thank you for reading this 


hugs and welcome, Donna


I am so sorry that you lost your husband such a short time ago.  I truly know how that feels.  I lost my wife very suddenly in January of last year and have struggled with that mightily since.  The in August of last my mother who is 97 started a period of declining health with came to a close this afternoon as I too lost her.  What was so amazing with Mom was that up until August she was the picture of perfect health.  Unfortunately after a short stay in the hospital during August the day she came back home she fell before she could get into the house and broke her hip.  Even though she had surgery on that hip 2 days later and if was repaired to perfection she never again had confidence in that hip.  From there she went through a period of one problem after another.  If you need to talk further about how you are feeling I truly believe I can help through it.


I'm so very very sorry your great has suffered another loss. 

Giant, gentle hugs! I'm so so sorry your heart is hurting so! 

Hello I am TCHA (Maggie) my husband of over 30 years died on 4th February after seven years of struggle. He was diagnosed with cancer, then overcame that but the list of illnesses goes on and on. He did of sepsis from a diabetic foot ulcer. So he had not been the man I married for quite a while because he was so upset by his illnesses. I am still feeling pretty numb and have no idea how I will manage without him on my life. 

I so understand what you are saying. I'm in exactly the same place. I'll introduce myself next. 


Oh Kristyn you have had more to deal with than anyone should ever be expected to.. (((Kristyn))). Where are you located? Such a huge amount of loss and grief for one person to bear. So glad your daughters are there for you. You say you get up go to work. What sort of work do you do? I have taken six weeks off work. Dont know how I am going to cope when I go back because I just burst into tears out of the blue constantly. Am going today to pick up my husbands ashes. Feeling very sad. 

My mother started it all back in 2010, when she started showing significant signs of Alzheimer's. In 2011 I moved her to my town so that I could be a caregiver to her. As her disease progressed, I needed to be there more and more. In August 2015 she died, and my family thought we could put things behind us. 

Wrong. Exactly two months later, her sister died. In May 2016, my lovely father-in-law got sick and two weeks later died in his sleep. Then in Sept. 2016 my husband's uncle died. My husband started having a lot of pain in his leg and began doctoring it. In March, my cousin died of cancer, and then my husband ended up in the hospital and diagnosed with his second cancer. He had beaten the first one 8 years ago. They were not related. While he was being diagnosed, another cousin died from cancer. 

From April to October, 2017 my husband spent 83 days in three different hospitals in two states. His cancer was responding to treatments, but his body had enough and on October 5, 2017 I lost him to cardiac arrest while they took him from his hospital room to a routine liver ultrasound. I am an orphan at 48 (the age my father was when he died 41 years ago and I was a young girl). I have no family, no real friends, but I do have four daughters (25, 22, 11, 9) who are helping me as they go through their own grief. 

I was a caregiver for so many years..... watched my mother wither and fade, and then my father-in-law, and then my husband. John was 54 when he died. We had been married for 26 years. I thought I was handling it..... but the reality of my loneliness is deafening. I'm going to therapy, but I feel like I'm just paying her to be my friend, so my blog is my outlet. And hopefully here. 

I just don't care about anything anymore. I get up, work, go home, sleep, and hit repeat. I try to do fun things, but I don't feel fun anymore. 

My soul's new north is this poem....

Sing me a song of a lass that is gone,

Say, could that lass be I?

Merry of soul, she sailed on a day

Over the sea to Skye

Billows and breeze, islands and seas

mountains of rain and sun

All that was good, All that was fair

All that was me is gone. 


I am so very sorry for you losses.  I can't even begin to imagine.  I have 2 girls (now ages 10 & 12) that I think were two of the few things that kept me going in the beginning.  I'm still quite "fresh" you might say, as it's only been 19.5 months since I lost my Chris to an accident in the mountains in June 2016.

I wanted to tell you that I love that poem -- and I recognize it.  It's the opening song for the Outlander series (which is wonderful, by the way, but the books are 100 times better).

Sending you hugs and know there are others out there to help you.  


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