A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Hi, I'm Supa. I created this site because folks using my blog and Facebook wanted to connect directly with each other, and MORE. Even with the fake name, I'm a real person, but more people know me as Supa so I use that a lot. Please friend me when you join!
My husband, "Gavin," died in 2006 after 22 months with kidney cancer. Our little girl, "Short Stack," was 2.5 when he died. I went to an in-person support group for people my age and several of them were widowed the same summer. I LOVED them. These became my new best friends, and we spent more time laughing than I can even describe, but also crying and building each other's courage to create new lives.
I found a lot of my mojo through dating.... i had not seen myself through others' eyes in years, and I don't think I'd ever seen myself as an independent adult. It was refreshing in so many ways.
My journey as a caregiver really wore me down and I am still processing it. I share all of this on my blog, the light and the dark and what I've learned from other widowed people.
I am remarried, and my little girl is in 1st grade and learning to read. I'm not "a widow" any more, but the experience of widowhood is part of me. Gavin will always be part of our family -- we are surrounded by his wonderful legacy as an artist. I am still rebuilding my life, my career, and growing in ways I never knew would be part of midlife.
I am happy you are here, and hope this site helps you find your widow friends too, and move on through, with love and real strength -- the kind that springs from joy and not just necessity.
You are loved -- THANK YOU for being here for each other.
I joined yesterday. I've been widowed since Oct. 16, 2001 when he lost the fight with lung cancer. he was 48, I was 40, at the time.
My husband was an amazing person and ten years after his death he still has a place in my life. Much more so than I would have guessed when starting this journey, but I see it now as a good thing and not a something-is-wrong-with-me thing.
I look forward to getting to know ya'll and thanks for having me!
Celestia, I like reading that you now see that your husband having a place in your life 10 years after his death is "a good thing and not a something-is-wrong-with-me thing." In June 2008 my husband died after struggling with pancreatic cancer for over two years. He is still very much a part of my life, and I intend to keep him in my life from now until I get to join him for eternity. At first I was defensive about my decision because I knew some people thought there was 'something wrong' with me for wanting it to be that way. But now, almost four years later, I am at peace with the situation. God has a purpose for me to still be here, and I am seeking to find that purpose. I know that when my time comes, I will join my husband to fulfill our eternal purpose together.... whatever that may be.
Welcome to our site! I know you will find it a comfortable place where you can share many thoughts and feelings. There is probably nothing that someone hasn't experienced. I am so sorry about your loss, particularly at such a young age. It must have been so hard. I am sure there is much you can teach us, too, as you have been on this journey for awhile and have struggled hard to finally see this as a good things. That is a huge accomplishment. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I lost my husband on 10/8/11 - he died from a ruptured brain aneurysm. We have an 8 year old son together and we found him unconscious at home. He died the next day in the hospital.
Dear Grey Eyes,
Welcome to our site. I am saddened to hear some of your story. You are so incredibly young to go through such pain and it isn't fair. It must have been very shocking to have this happen to suddenly. I hope you can find some help and healing here. I have been her for a couple of months and it has made the world of difference for me.
I look forward to getting to know you better.
I'm Joanna, aka Krusty. My husband died on October 10th 2009 after a week long stint in the CCU at our hospital. He went in with the flu we thought. Turned out he had double pneumonia. He got better, and then died from a plumonary embolism. If oudn after he died that he had H1N1. Embolisms are a side effect of H1N1. The news interviewed me at my home because he was the first case to die in our county. He was just 29. And...I didnt find out about the H1N1 until the reporter told me. I felt like I was sucker punched. No one told me. We have 4 kids together. At the time of his death, they were 3.5, 7, 8 and 8. Now the twins just turned 10 a month ago, the "baby" is going to be 5 on monday, and our middle child is 8.5. Sad thing is, he died the day of her birthday party...but I dont really want to get into that right now. So anyway, I'm almost 18 months out now, but my life has done a complete 360 as I am in a serious relationship and practically engaged. Its so surreal to be honest. Going from a happy life married to my best friend, to watching him die, spending a year alone as a single mom with 4 kids...and now living with the new love of my life...I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.
Joanna~It's good to officially "meet" you. I didn't know your story, but feel like I know you better now :). And I'm with you on the surreal-ness of our lives!
I liked reading your story here. I love your enthusiasm and love for life, eventhough this was not the life you had planned in the beginning. I, too, lost my best friend and soul mate after 23 years of marriage. My husband I were both the same age (45) so I am older than you, but I still feel very young. We had so many plans for retirement and just spending more time together as the kids got more independent. (We have 4 kids ages 11-19.) Most people think that "kids" your age have every opportunity to get married again, and people in their 60's and 70's seem perfectly happy being alone because they were with their mates for so long, but people in my age group seem to be in limbo. I personally loved my husband so incredibly much which makes his passing so painful, but at the same time I can't see myself alone the rest of my life. I still want a loving relationship with someone, a "wing man", someone who adores me and I adore him. The problem is, I can't imagine dating again. I started dating my husband at 18, so I am WAY out of practice. I just couldn't imagine that whole part of my life starting again. How did you decide that dating was what you were going to do? How did you get over the guilt of feeling like even the thought of dating someone was cheating? It seems like you have a good self image which probably helps. I feel like I have a good self image, but I'm still fearful of what dating means. I have come to the point in my grieving where if I had the choice of one man for another 50 years, I'd beg for my husband in a second and I wouldn't look twice at another man, but since I don't have that choice anymore, I need to keep living. How long did it take you to feel like that? How did you do it?