Hi I'm Jenn,
I became a widow almost three years ago, after only two months of knowing my husband was sick. On June 10th I took him to the hospital and two months later I left with him to spend one week on hospice before he was gone. For those two months we lived in a bubble our six kids (three of his and three of mine) visited almost every day. Our kids were 13 - 35. I never thought at the age of 44 I would become a widow and would have to figure out everything on my own. I am still struggling with it all, I hate being alone and now my youngest is a senior and I dread her going off to college and really being alone.
hi. i'm smikette and my husband was smike. he died March 5 of this year, 2018. he was just 2 months shy of his 63rd birthday. we'd known each other since the early 70s and had been a couple since 1974. got married the following year. i was 17, he was 20.
currently i am getting work done around the house and yard that he just never got around to before we discovered he had lung cancer. also trying to find my new 'normal', whatever that means. lol.
you may see me around some, or i may just lurk, reading posts when i need some comfort.
Hugs Jenn and Smikette
Hello, my husband passed away June 2018. We were together for 12 years, no kids. We were suppose to grow old and wrinkly together, not be a widow in my 30's. I'm feeling lost, confused, angry, cheated, and overwhelmed. Friends and family mean well but they don't understand the daily struggle. There's unnecessary stress on top of dealing with my husband's passing, I just want to stay in bed and cry, but people make me feel guilty for wanting to do that. I feel so sad and alone. I'm hoping to meet people in a similar position who will not judge me or feel awkward about me crying. People who will let me vent and listen. And to help guide me on how to continue living when your world falls apart. I'm new to this website and I'm not sure if this where I'm suppose to start posting.
I feel the same as you and I am barely 4 months in. This is the worst life imaginable. I cry everyday and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I feel lost, confused, overwhelmed, sad, the lot. I have never felt so completely off and sad in my life. I know just what you're going through. It is the absolute worst. Your life has totally changed and it's hard to move with it. Don't feel guilty. People just don't get it. You're grieving in your own way and no one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I know exactly what you're experiencing. The pain is unrelenting and constant. Take care and keep posting. I am with you!!
Even at 2.5 years later I can cry and cry then wonder what on earth is wrong with me. Sure, I attend church and sing in the senior adult choir, we go out to dinner after practice. Then....as the sun sets, I drive into the garage and walk into the house and the silence and loneliness is deafening.
I volunteer at the VA 3 days per week, and really enjoy it. Leave at 6 AM and arrive home at 1PM. As I drive into the garage, the dread sometimes washes over me as once again, the silence and loneliness never goes away. The tears start without a second thought.
I have great friends here all are widows...but they have families, I have no one. No dog, no cat, no goldfish....just me. Alone. Alone in the house that DH and I built together when we downsized in 2013. He lived here for 2 years. I'm beginning to think this house in haunted as everywhere I look there is a memory of DH standing there, or napping in his favorite recliner. I'm seriously thinking of selling this an moving into an apartment or buying a very small house just for me.
I put one foot in front of the other. I did ask my Primary care Dr. for some help and Lexapro has become my friend. I don't take it everyday, but the days I can tell I need it I'm grateful for it, and pleased my Dr. agrees withe the RX.
Someone recently told me (after being a widow for 25 years) that it never goes away...but it does change. I try to hold onto the that. I know today is easier than 2 years ago, but that doesn't keep me from crawling into bed at night thrilled that another day is over and maybe tomorrow will be better.
It sounds like you are trying to stay busy (as many of us do). I am 1 1/2 years in, and even though I am close to my adult-aged daughters and my parents, they all have their own lives as well. So, I also feel alone a lot of the time. But, I have a dog - which has been my life saver. She gets me up in the morning, keeps me active, comforts me when the tears come, and is aways close by morning, noon and night. I have also moved (twice) since my husband passed, and it has been good for me. I am currently renting because I do not know where I want to eventually end up. I was in San Francisco and now I am in Portland. My oldest daughter is a tech geek, so I have just followed her recent moves. I love having something a place that is just for me, reflects who I am today, yet remembers and reflects my LH also. I am trying to get out and meet people and am meeting with a life coach (who has been very helpful). I know that life is going to pass me by unless I choose to participate. I know this grief will never go away, nor do I want it to (for he was such a big part of who I was and who I am becoming), but I do feel the change (slowly), but it is coming. I resolve to come out a better person, if I have any say about it. Take care.
Bobcatkitty, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it even 2.5 years out. Many people have said the second year is the worst. I'm also in a "downsized" home Ron and I chose together and it's weird that I've now lived in it longer without him than with him. It's still my happy place. I'm on the way home from a road trip to visit family and am looking forward to getting back to it.
How hard is it to find decent small houses where you are? They certainly aren't building the new ones small. It's even hard to find one with all of the living on the same floor here unless you go for a 1960s build and then the rooms are tiny. I'm not ready for condo life yet although sometimes I wish the lawn and garden were smaller.
Thank you for your kind words. It's nice talking with someone I can relate to(even though the situation sucks). I understand that I can't really think clearly but people think because I'm a little "off" that they have to boss me around and tell me what to do. I kindly let them know that I will do things when I am ready, but it's like I'm being ignored. Most people are all talk no action and think by telling me things they are being useful. Then get mad at me for not following their "advice". Most of the advice given to me are useless and does not pertain to the care of aftermath of some's passing. I sometimes feel like snapping back "you go do it!" but I know they mean well so I just end up ignoring them (which might be even worse). I understand people have their own life to live. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who don't really care about me. I'm the one who has to initiate lunch, I'm the one who goes and visit other people. Maybe I'm just being clingy because I'm lonely. Or maybe because I'm pushing people away because I'm ignoring them. I don't know. I don't know what to do with myself. I have a few people who will call/text me to check on me and I am grateful for them. I know that my circle of friends and family will change or disappear entirely. I'm trying to come to terms with my new reality, I still leave the light on just in case he comes home late. I know I sound crazy.
Absolutely nothing you do that brings comfort and helps you along your grief journey is "crazy". Please drop that term from your descriptive vocabulary. And keep that late-night light burning.
Im Erin. I lost my husband to a work related accident on May 3, 2018. I’m a 26 year old widow with a 4 year old daughter, Emerson, and expecting our second child in October. Widowhood is something I never thought I’d face and I miss my husband more than words can express.
Hi Erin, I"m sorry you've had to find us here. I hope you'll get the encouragement you need here.