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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lisa (lost) Lamb on
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I feel the same way you do. My Doctor has me on a few different pills and I just want to sleep all the time, well I should say I feel like I could sleep all the time. I'm so tired but I sleep 2 hours then up a few, then back down again. I have no life to even start to build on because I'm always thinking about when I can go back to sleep. This journey is so darn hard to figure out, It's been 9 months and I still don't have a clue to what I'm doing. Besides just putting in my time. If you start finding something that helps please share, for my children and granddaughters I would love to have a life. I know I will always have sorrow, I will always miss my husband but I want to love the rest of my family while I still have them. I hope that makes sense. May peace be with you. Lisa
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Permalink Reply by Susieg on -
Lisa, I know how you feel, altho I was never able to sleep that much. I have gotten up every day, (almost 3 years) except one when I was sick, and believe me, I have tried to nap just to forget things for a while. It doesn't work. It seems like you must have been married for a while, and as I said, at almost 3 years, April 30, 2009 was D-day for me, I still miss Mike like it happened yesterday. I have no kids, and most people don't really care about me anymore, except my grief group people. I have better than some days, I don't call them good days because it's never good...I think some of us are just "one man women" and I don't know why it is so hard for some people to get that. Pushing me to get out, meet people...my life has been shattered, and while I have to be stuck here without him I will do what I can to make it liveable but that's all I can do. In fact, were it not for my 2 dogs I probably wouldn't be here. Add to that I am a coward. I am 58 years old, lucky to have been loved as I was for 20 years married, we dated for 10 before. I wish I had more happy info, but several others seem to have made new lives with new people. I just don't think I ever will..I saw in the news a couple married 72 years were in a car accident and died within an hour of each other holding hands. I was so jealous. Enjoy your family but don't put undue pressure on yourself. I don't care what they say, it's not that easy for some of us.
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Permalink Reply by Paula Rene on -
Amen, Susieg! The last couple of weeks every time I can't face something, I sleep. I keep getting my feelings hurt by everyone. I did get out and got real involved in several neighborhood activities, Casual dinner club, Wine & Gourmet Club, etc. I put a lot of work into the groups, hosting dinner parties when everyone else wouldn't b/c my kids were grown, etc. I live in a neighborhood of "Stepford Wives" and many just would not leave me alone about dating. Some even invited single men to dinner parties and seated us near each other. I even got seated next to a single man (a Pediatrician in my neighborhood) at several parties that has been a long time friend of my family's (he is gay). Then out of the blue, I got excluded and told that the very clubs I helped to start decided to become couples only clubs (one woman decided this) so I lost the only social outlet I had. It is very hard. But this site has helped me a lot.
I went to my counselor this morning, crying about someone else who had hurt my feelings. I felt better after my counseling session, then got a response to an email I had sent to my pastor, which hurt my feelings all over again. I just took my anti-anxiety pill and slept. Did the same thing on Sat., Sun. and three days last week. Instead of getting easier for me, it seems to be getting harder.
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Permalink Reply by Jerry on
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I would like to introduce myself, my wife of 36 years passed away on January 15 2010. She had cancer of the pituitary gland that spread through her body. She went to more operations in a 2 year period than any human should be subject to, only to waste away to 85 lbs and die. The past 2years have been tough, lost my mom a year after my wife. I spent most of the year between my wives death and my moms taking care of my mother. Now I am beginning to feel the loss of both of them. The past year I was on another site called Bereaved Spouses, but find the discussions here more helpful.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on -
Welcome Jerry (((((HUGS)))))
I lost my hubby last Oct to cancer also.
He only had it for 9 months.
No operationd just chemo and radation but the cancer just kept spreading.
we were married for 24 years.
Dorothy
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We only found out it was cancer a year before she passed away. It was a terrible experience, sometimes I think it would have been better to have not done any treatments, the results may have been the same,but may have not had o suffer all the side effects .
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Cancer is such an awful disease, when you hear them words the only thing you can think of is to fight. We were told my husband had lung cancer on Feb.28, 2011 the only thing on my mind was to fight with anything and everything we had. But none of it did us any good, KC passed away on May 14. 2011 at the age of 48. I truly don't know if fighting was the right thing to do, but I do know he did it for me and I couldn't and would of never asked him not to. KC never had chemo only radiation do to how fast everything went. I only know that he fought with courage and dignity to the very end. I will always love him for fighting for us!
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My mom who,passed away a year ago was diagnosed with a tumor on her lung.she was 87 and her doctors recommended that she get no treatment due to,her age. She lived over a year and only until the last 2 weeks was she confined to bed. I am sure if she had any treatments the side effects would have made her feel worse then the disease.I have done some research and find that the success rate for chemo treatments is as low as 3 percent. I we had known this when my wife was diagnosed I am sure our decision would have been to seek other options. My wife also had 2 rounds of radiation. I believe the whole cancer care centers are just big money makers for the hospitals. The people that survive just may have had the same outcome without the treatments.
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Permalink Reply by topwag (Becky) on -
Jerry, I absolutely agree with your comments. I have a bad taste in my mouth with cancer treatment. Two rounds of radiation and two rounds of chemo in one year killed my husband, I am sure. I believe that all the money is going to research and maybe we are keeping patients alive longer, but what quality of life are they living?
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Permalink Reply by topwag (Becky) on
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- Good morning. I joined this site in October but couldn't get myself out of a long funk. I lost my husband April 12, 2011 due to cancer. He was diagnosed with throat cancer 10 days after I retired (young I might add, 53). He was also the same age. Our treatment journey began..at Moffitt Cancer Center, Tampa, Florida. He got through that only to be diagnosed three months later with sinus cancer. A second round of chemo and radiation took its toil on him and he was in hospice for the last week of his life. Many many ups and downs. I'm still wondering if it was the cancer or treatment that killed him. At any rate, here I am, no job, no life and no husband. Trying to figure out my purpose of this earth and what to do with it. We were empty nesters, with one son who is a teacher about 300 miles away. No family in my little community. The postive, I just got informed that I am going to be a first time Grandma. Lots of decisions to be made. We have a house in Florida and one in the midwest. Sell and move closer to son and daughter in law and future grandchild or stay? I guess no decisions to be made today. I will be looking forward to getting to know all of you. :)
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Permalink Reply by Paula Rene on
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Hi topwag,
Your comments touched me. People tell you not to make any changes for a year. I ignored them. I've been a widow for a long time now but have recently lost several family members and gone through some things that made me realize I never grieved for my husband. Even after years of therapy, I still won't allow myself. I know my counselor just wants to slap me. However, I have come to the decision that I want to get as far away from here, this town that has been my home for 32 years and not move back to my hometown but move to a retirement community w/other widows. It is closer to my daughter and my son and new daughter-in-law. However, my son and his wife still don't know where they will end up b/c he plans on going to seminary next fall. But I am praying for the day I become a grandmother and I would want to be near my grandbaby. Don't know how they would fill about it but I have to stay focused on my future or I will go crazy (or crazier). I am on disability and currently not working so I am just trying to focus on getting my health back even if it's only to do volunteer work and be available for my children and hopefully grandchildren if I am so blessed. I know the funk b/c I can't seem to get out of mine either.
Paula Rene
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