A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
In a way, this is my most difficult subject. More than his end of life, more than my rage or sadness. And it's the one that many folks on FB seem to gripe about the most and bitterest.
What's your story? Is it still changing? What are your hopes for your friendships -- old ones, or just with others who aren't widowed?
Ah Jenn, it's nice to have an angel of mercy in any form. HUGS!
My friends, my family and my Husbands friends have been wonderful! I will say that I go out of my way not to be sad or bring a party down. I mean, their life is going by too! They have asked me to dinner, their parties, etc. I am only 4 months out, however. Some nights , my Hubbies friends and I do breakdown. I have also begun to invite people to my home. Italian cooking is my thing and I no longer cook every night and can't stand how quiet my house is, so I invite people once a week. I have thought that I was lucky I had different groups of friends before I became a widow. Golf friends, old work friends (retired in 2009), volunteer friends, neighbors, My Hubbies friends. If I didn't have these people, I don't know what I'd be doing. I don't think I could have built these relationships after becoming a widow. Also , my family, cousins, brothers , sisters in law have been there. Listen, if you're depressed all the time around them, they have to walk away because who knows who is next!I never thought it was us, that's for sure
My soulmate passed away almost 4 months ago. At some point, I thought I would "inherit" HIS friends. Everyone seemed so concerned & caring in the beginning, but lately I find myself questioning "friendships". After the first couple of weeks following my nightmare of a life, people stopped coming by, stopped talking to me on facebook and nobody ever called to see how I was doing. "Friends" had offered to help me with some home repairs & car repairs, and then never showed up. They offered to plan a benefit for our family, and my own family ended up doing all the work. The few people in my area that I considered my own friends, ignored me completely. I've been diagnosed with PTSD by my grief therapist, and I wonder if I put off a weird vibe that puts people off or what?! I've started to not care and have become blunt and maybe even "rude" to people. One friend offered to come get me to go on walks with her... when I was ready, and let her know, she completely blew me off. When I saw her next, I blurted out "Oh! There's my fake friend!" She looked stunned and said "what?" So I explained EXACTLY why I thought she was a fake friend. She didn't apologize or make excuses, so I walked away & haven't spoken to her since. I had been stopping down at his place of work to BS with his work buddies, and at his best friend's shop, but there is no eye contact, lots of small talk, and everyone looks hurried to get rid of me. It feels awkward while it's happening... uncomfortable. Once I've gone home, it just hurts. I feel like all I have are my memories & my own family. Even his family has stopped calling. His 2 teens have all but disappeared from my life, and my own kids are handling things in their own way... by acting out or by not being home. I am home alone a LOT, and it's very lonely. I dunno... I just feel so alone. I will be joining a young widows support group once school starts, so maybe it will help to have people to relate to. I can only hope...
I am just three months out. I have a couple of friend who check in with me one daily, one weekly another every other week. I got off FB because I couldn't take the drama. I changed my phone number, I hide out alot in my bedroom in the dark, I guess that isn't really "friend helpful".
Part of that is because if one more person tells me they "get it" I am going to punch them. They don't "get it"...Live my life for a day or two...and then maybe you will "get it"...but I doubt it. It is 24/7 missing my husband, our life together, our hopes & dreams.
My husband family, hasn't been in touch much. We were married a year, together almost four. We didn't have kids together so I feel like they don't really want/need to be in touch with me. At first, they did...maybe the first month. I understand they are grieving too, they lost a brother, a son, a friend. I lost my everything...my everyday, all day...along with my husband my stepkids, I've raisied for the last 3.5 years, gone out of state with ZERO contact.
Somedays, I want to pack up my kids and move FAR FAR AWAY. Start over. Of course, I can't. But sometimes I do think it would be easier.