This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I just want to thank all of you for the outpouring of love, compassion, and concern for our Widowed Village brother Javier. Each day I check in on the thread where you are all leaving messages, and I am overcome by the way you are all willing to step into the darkness of loss to stand by your village brother as he faces this great, great loss...again.

Twice today I have been asked how I can work in this field of grief and loss, hearing story after story of heartbreak...especially the kind of heartbreak that Javier is facing today. I thought I would share my answer to that question here, because I know that many of you must be struggling to get your head around yet another tragic loss. 

I wish I knew the answer to the question WHY? I spent a good deal of time asking that question when I first started doing this work. Finally, maybe to save my sanity, I determined that though I will never find an acceptable answer to why (there just can't be one good enough for this kind of pain), I can, and must, focus on cracking the darkness with love. Because for me, when my own loss threatened to drown out everything good along with all the bad, the only thing that mattered was love. The kindness of family, friends, and strangers helped me believe in goodness again. So I strive to be that agent of goodness even in the face of these kind of circumstances. I can't fix anything, this I know. But I can crack the darkness, and through that crack some day, some way...light may reenter a devastated soul. That is my daily hope, and where I believe the true power of community lies.

I just wanted to remind you all that you are cracking the darkness, one loving message at a time. And the light you are creating with your that energy is so, so beautiful.

Soaring Spirits is collecting cards and letters for Javier at our office. We won't send them to him until he is ready, but one day he may need to hold in his hand your messages of love. So if you want to join us in collecting love letters for Javier, please send your note to:

Soaring Spirits  2828 Cochran St. #194  Simi Valley, Ca 93065

If you are sending a note to Javier, and feel that you want to send an extra for another person who could really use your loving energy now, please also send a note to Louise. She lost her husband, her two daughters, and her home in a house fire seven months ago. She is struggling to find the will to live. Your love can create the crack for light to come in for her as well. 

Never give up friends. Community matters. Thank you so much for making this community the absolutely incredible home it has become. You matter to us. 

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Thank you for creating this place where we can come together and share and become family!!  And for all the work you do to keep it going to help us all find a light somewhere in the tunnel.  This site and the wonderful people here helped me and others so so much in being able to keep it together and keep going.  It is so awesome to have a place where others understand the pain, loss and grief that you are going through and to be able to read the many things that we all experience but wonder if we are the only one.  

Thank you seems inadequate to express my gratitude.

I hope all the messages help Javier in some way.  He is very loved and respected here as shown by the outpouring of support in all the messages.  He is certainly in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Denise, you said it so well. 

Thank you Michele and we truly appreciate what you have done for the widow community.  I know we forget to stop and express our appreciation for all the hard work you have done to provide a safe haven for us to come together first as strangers that so soon become a family sharing our stories.

Hugs to you Michele.  You are truly one awesome Lady in my book.

I can remember, in my dark nights in the beginning of my journey, Javier being in chat late at night, posting spanish youtube videos for us to watch. There were usually only a couple people in chat that time of night, and one would be him, reaching out to help. I thought here was a young man who had experienced so much pain in his life yet he was able and willing to help someone knew he didn't even know get through nightly struggles. Profound words weren't necessary, but fellowship was. I must pay that back, in anyway I can. Now, again, to Javier and to others struggling along this journey. The fact that someone out there I had never met cared enough to take the time to hold my hand to get me through dark and sleepless nights is something I will never forget. 

"Love" is my favorite word. It is now tattooed on my wedding ring finger. Not just for the memory of my husband, but because love gives me hope. It is  and always will be my favorite word and one meant to be shared.

Thank you for creating such a wonderful community filled with love and hope. 

Michelle, My sincere appreciation for this site.  I was given the site by a friend. I was in a Very Dark place, and through the love, caring and sharing here. I have found LOVE and HOPE.

I had a stroke 9 years ago, I found an on line suppot group and vounteered there for over 6 yrs. I am still doing some volunteer work there.  I found hope there also, and I was not alone. 

 Finding others to share with is so important to find hope and understanding.  To share and listen does help find the crack where you can see a glimmer and make baby steps forward.. sharing and understanding you are not alone hels Heal.

Thank you for making a safe place on this journey, it is not the black hole anymore.. there is a crack with some light and Love shining through


Michele, this is the third time I've read your response and the third time I've cried while reading it. "...light may reenter a devastated soul..." I just love that phrase, I love the hope it brings me that it will happen for me, I love that you've created this community to enable us to help bring that light back for all of us. I don't think I can ever express what WV has meant to me; I truly believe that the Village saved my life. I don't know how I would have survived this without all of you. heart just breaks for him. He has been a beacon for so many of us, I hope that we can help bring his light back again.

HI Michele,

How is our widowed village brother Javier. Been thinking of him and lot and wondering how he is doing.

Love and hugs to you for all the wonderful work you do for the widowed community. We appreciate all the hard work you do.

Hope Matters.



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