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This is possibly going to be very scattered, so I apologize in advance. But it's also raw.

I know this is totally irrational, but I feel guilty about seeking therapy. The self-hater in me, maybe? I feel like I should hurt and I should suffer in order to truly grieve my Marcus. That if I'm not hurting, I'm getting "over" him?

I hadn't had these feelings before yesterday, but I absolutely canNOT shake them today. I have a friend a couple hours away who is a licensed therapist who helps me on some of the "lighter" things. She reached out to me yesterday, just to see how I've been doing, and I told her I was thinking about starting therapy, but I'm so hesitant to go. My girls have been seeing their therapists since March - the accident was in January - and I didn't think twice about putting them in.

So why am I okay with "punishing" myself by hurting? I think it's some twisted thought in my mind that since he's gone, hurting = love continuing. But I can love and not hurt, right? If I'm not hurting, am I still honoring him? Do I still love him as fiercely if it doesn't feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest?

My friend suggested I look into EMDR as opposed to talk therapy because it's been so good with trauma-related therapy needs. Does anyone have any experience with EMDR? 

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And PS: don't feel guilty!

Thank you, Dee! It's definitely a constant battle not to.

I wrote about EMDR in your blog "Fury" ...

It processes trauma in relieving/eliminating its silent internal effects, however, it does not cure grief. We have a natural built in long acting grief processing system for that part which is highly beneficial when learning how to work w/it ...

All the best ...

Thank you, SweetMelissa2007 


You are very welcome ...

EMDR (eye movement desentization and reprocessing) is generated by hand held light sensors, hand tapping or following an object side to side. For me, they produced calming effects while processing information that otherwise, thrust me into dissociation & paralyzing shock (not protective shock). As trauma progressed to its worst from a lack of proper treatment by a specialist, I appeared to have a physical affliction from violent shaking &/or spaced out high on drugs involving potential harm such as unknowingly walking out into traffic. However, some people have a scarey uncanny ability to deny/absorb/push down trauma for short to long periods of time, however, at some point it implodes. The ability diminishes from aging. Unfortunately, what is also revealed is how trauma has affected their entire life. No bueno!
Acupuncture & massage relieved pent up stress & anxiety from my body to allow EMDR to be highly productive. For me, the key was finding & combining the best specialist, acupuncturist & masseuse. If I did not feel a lightness from a treatment, I did not consider it thorough work leading to finding someone else which only happened twice w/an accupuncturist & masseuse, once w/an EMDR specialist. Sounds like alot of foot work, however, my increasing debilitating trauma drove me to it w/out hesitation ...
Grief is not linear, but in time it can be processed out. Trauma exascerbates grief making it go sideways or in a vicious circle from not being processed. Its like a non-exiting live traveling silent bullet hitting every nerve continuously shocking the body ...
There is a difference between a self hater & a person who thinks they should hurt when s/he is actively hurting trying to rationalize pain associated with grief. Even mental health professionals can feel guilty in not being able to "fix" themselves. Guilt & fear are common symptoms w/both grief & trauma. Most grieving can can relate to trauma symptoms, however, its effects differ into the outer limits. Assessment is required to determine treatment for grief or trauma &/or both ...
I'm very relieved & happy you're taking the bull by the horns in seeking professional help. Waiting can ugly consequences ...
All my best w/your recovery ...


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