At 4 years, I am in the deepest depression and can't find my way out. I was better in the first years than I am now. I am on an antidepressant and seeing a therapist, but I've lost all hope. I was exercising but all my energy is gone. I make myself get out, but am anxious to get back home. Has anyone else gotten worse as time goes by? I am hesitant to post this, I don't want to scare those who are earlier in their grief, but I have nowhere else to turn. There are no widows groups close to me. I can't believe this has happened to me. I was always a strong person.
Lost, you are moving forward even though it may not feel like it. Our lives have been changed but that doesn’t mean we can’t find a way to be happy (or content) again. I hope you can remain patient with yourself a little while longer. Peace will find you!
Oh me too! It is going on 6 months now. I am still not at peace with my new state in life although I know I must get there. I have two sons and one of them has become distant and that is also breaking my heart. The other is super busy with many work hours and moving into a new home. I was sick over the weekend and to know there is no one to take care of me any more or anyone who I can call in an emergency who could be with me in short order....it is a difficult thing to accept. And of course, missing my husband and the aloneness....I know many others have more on their plate and I do not want to complain to those here; I guess I am airing my sorrows here.
When I hear people say it will get better I just want to pick up a bat and knock some sense into them. It is almost a year since my Tony left and it has not gotten better. In fact I just had a major meltdown a few days ago and I expect to have more. I have accepted the fact that my life will never be the way it was before he left and that is not me being in denial. What I do know is that I am a survivor . I have distanced myself from some people who I feel are toxic. I don't need to hear how Mary has a boyfriend and she's 80 years old or Mr. John is a 75 year old widower looking for a mate. That's fine for them but neither prospect appeals to me. I had my knight in shining armor and my forever love. I do have moments when I have been able to laugh and feel joy. Generally that's when I am with my grandchildren or at church. I do suggest getting out of the house. Even if its to walk around the block. I have forced myself to start going back to the community center. It has an indoor track and I try to walk a mile two or three times a week. Someone is always there and it has helped me just to have someone smile or to chat with.....someone who doesn't see me as a poor widow. It also helps me to ask what would my Tony say to me. He loved life and I know he would want me to still do the things we loved to do. So for him I will continue to make the effort. In the end have faith and believe. We are stronger than what we feel or think.
It's only been almost 5 months since my husband passed from stage 4 brain cancer, I'm not doing too well at all. Especially with spring here. My husbands favorite season, he spent all his time working on the property making sure it looked great.
I still cry everyday, I'm just getting good at hiding my emotions in front of people. I tell everyone "I am hanging in there"
This feels like the movie Ground Hogs day ..miserable day after day. Alone and lonely but I don't want company. Hard time for sure.
Sorry for your loss. Its been a little over 5 mos. For me also, for a time I thought things were getting better but boy was I wrong. It seems that if I'm watching tv or hear a song about missing someone I start tearing up and get this pain of loss. I have found a few things on youtube that deal with grief and the loss of a spouse that seem to help, at least I know I'm not the only one that this happens to.. The one thing I have to under stand is that you never get over the loss you just need to keep moving forward, but thats easier said than done when you are missing your partner that you shared everything with for 50 years.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the grief eases up. I also have watched on you tube hoping to find ways to help me cope.
I miss my best friend my better half..
I offer my sympathies to both of you. Five months is only...five months, so please go easy on yourselves--even now.
Lisa, the "Goundhog Day" analogy is quite appropriate. I have a friend (also a widower) who said the same thing for the first three years--and still uses it occasionally--in his sixth year--whenever he's having one of those moment/days.
Phil, we were married for thirty years, and knew each other five years before that. The day after Judith died almost eight years ago, my boss arranged for me to meet with a grief counselor...and I went. The man explained to me that it would be a rough ride because after that much time together, our lives had become intertwined, but now I would have to go through the pain of becoming my own person. He also said that I should allot one year for every three to five years of the relationship, because this was considered "an average for recovery" (his words). I was fifty-four at the time and blurted out: "OK, so what monastery do you recommend that I join?" His response was: "You have a sense of humor. That will help."
There will be rough moments and days ahead. Sometimes it will feel that you are moving "backward" rather than "forward"--and this is part of the grieving process. I would encourage you both to read, post and look at the various forums. It will be hard, but it will also help. Hugs.
Thanks for your kind words John. I am sorry for your loss. I will read and educate myself on this process as much as possible, it helps to understand. And yes Ground Hog's day every day for me. Feels insane
Sorry for your loss John and thanks for the reply. I hope it doesn't take 10 to 18 years for me to get back to some sort of normal however we have a friend that is on her 9th year and still grieving. I know it helps talking to others going down the same path so I'll keep trying to move forward the best I can.
My husband died of cancer too. And even knowing he was terminal--and he accepted his sufferings and death with so much courage--nothing can really prepare us for the loss. I don't cry every day but I tear up reading these notes! And a new widow and I were talking the other day and we both teared up. And things keep breaking around the house! Part of the roof is leaking now, part of the fence blew down, I need a new hose bit replaced so I can even water the yard, I need someone to help me to finish staining a window, the gutters are clogged and I do not know how to get the lawn mower started! All of these things my husband would have seen to. Have replaced the water heater, two toilets, a shower head and a faucet. It is like all these things held off while I was taking care of Dan and his countless appointments. And a little pond in our yard that Dan loved to take care of with fountains and fish and all that is a dirty mess at the moment and I never had to clean it and do not even know how to. I am frustrated with all that. I have to find and pay someone now to do those things. And all that pales in the long lonely evenings. I have not slept well since my husband passed away.
Mrs.Linda, I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same situation. Grass has to be cut and we have a large commercial lawn mower that I can't navigate. I have raked up 16 huge bags of leaves and also work from home. Mentally and physically exhausted every day now.
I need to hire a lawn company but my finances won't allow that now. Ughhh sad grieving and beyond feeling overwhelmed daily.
My husband did so much, I only hope he knew how much I appreciated all he did daily.
Oh Lisa! I like your picture; what a handsome couple! I have dreaded summer and the outside work that my husband actually enjoyed. I learned to mow the lawn-and we have a good sized lot--2 years ago. I do not do it all in one day though. Had the handy man out today to look at some things. What I thought would be a small repair looks to be much more extensive. My husband was Dan the Handy Man. And after meeting him in college and only being apart one summer during college, we had not been apart for more than a couple of weeks since I was 20 years old. A long time. Yet when I think about it, I am glad that I got to care for him and be there for his entrance into eternity. I think it would have been terribly hard -even worse-for him had I gone first. When my mother died, my dad would say over and over that he was never meant to be alone. He died unexpectedly only 33 days later and he had not been sick.