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In the early stages of my grief, I was wandering around in a trance-like fog simply feeling lost and pretty destroyed as a result of losing my husband.  It was as if I died with him but I was left behind.

During this time, I was scouting the bargain racks at a neighborhood Barnes and Noble and saw a book called, When God Winks at You:  How The Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life.  I read the first story and it peaked my curiosity, so I bought it (see below).  Soon thereafter, I started to experience what I felt were potentially messages from my husband. 

For example, I was walking back home from the market one day, I came across an advertisement for a TV program called, "Did I really die?"  When I saw it, I whispered under my breath, "Yeah sweetie, you really did."  Another time, I was walking home from a Home Depot, and saw two large smiley type faces drawn in chalk on a wall.  One read, "Hello Grumpy" and the other read, "Be Happy."  There was a time when my husband did something that annoyed me and he walked over and  said the words, "Hello Grumpy" to me to make me smile.  Coincidences, perhaps, and some were less subtle than others but those "coincidences" meant something to me specifically.

So, I'm curious, have you experienced any Winks? 

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Thanks so much, Danielle, (((hugs)))) Steve

Has anyone in here gone through what I call survivors guilt? I think I'm experiencing it.
I should have been the one to die, not my sweet wife.

Hi DaninKansasCity,

I actually did experience this.  The week before my husband died, I came home from work and he'd drawn a warm bubble bath for me and lit fragranced candles in the bathroom.  He also poured me a glass of champagne and told me to relax for the night.  As I emerged from the bath, the combination of the hot water, the alcohol and the candles made me feel dizzy and I stopped my fall by putting my hand on the back of the bathroom door.  I felt as if I was having a small heart attack and my husband immediately came to the bathroom to ask if I was alright.  I told him I was fine and asked that he just give me a few minutes as I lumbered over to the bed and lay down.  He then jokingly said, "So how'd you kill your wife Mr. X?"  and he'd reply, "I was nice!"  We laughed about that and in a few minutes I was just fine. 

We had plans for Valentine's Day weekend the following week and were even planning an Easter getaway to The Finger Lakes.  And then, without warning my husband died at work just two days before Valentine's Day.  He suffered a massive and fatal heart attack and was gone minutes before I was able to get to the hospital.  You can imagine my shock and incredulity. 

For a long while, I felt as if my husband took my place and that I was the one that was supposed to die.  I have a heart murmur, which my doctor told me to keep an eye on and I'd had a couple of incidents with chest pains and shortness of breath.  And yet, I'm fine now and he's gone.  There's no way I will ever know for sure until perhaps the day when my own turn comes to cross over. 

A friend of ours lost his firstborn son at the tender age of 3.  He simply went to sleep and never woke up.  That friend shared something a priest said to him when he was in the early stages of grieving and that is, "There is no way out, only a way through."  Things don't always make sense to us and perhaps we are not yet meant to see the big picture.  We must simply go forward on our journey as best we can and learn along the way.  Make no mistake and it's not an easy path.  This journey is filled with many twists, turns and there is no map.

The best advice I can offer you is to take one moment at a time and to live the life that your sweet wife would wish for you.  The love we have for our spouses, thankfully, never dies despite their physical demise.

Hi Nieta and everyone. I love that! About no way out, only a way through. That is so wonderful a way to describe this journey.
Thank you for sharing that.
Dan, i loved your story about New Orleans. Mike and i actually planned 3 trips to New Orleans, we really wanted to go there, and all three trips were cancelled within 24-48 hrs prior to us leaving. Im sorry we never had chance to go together, but i look forward to going there in future.

Hi Steve,

We gather bits of wisdom along the way and sharing that helps us each get further along.   I'm glad you found it helpful.

New Orleans is a fun and wonderful place and you should definitely make it a point to visit.  One of the many things Patrick and I did while there was take an airboat ride at sunset.  Yes the waters are indeed riddled with gators and at sunset, you can see their eyes glowing red in the water.  The guides provide goggles to avoid any bug splats as the airboat can glide over the swampy water rather quickly.  It may sound funny and a little off-putting to some, but we had the greatest time!  And, watching the sunset through the swamp trees is a beautiful sight to behold!

BTW, if you have a sweet tooth, order the bread pudding soufflé with whiskey sauce at Commander's Palace.  Sooooo good!!!

Wishing everyone peace, strength and a truly beautiful day!

I believe I have had several, but I also believe I had the ultimate one a couple of weeks ago when I visited New Orleans. 

In better years, we would eat dinner on Sunday nights watching Emiril. So when I went to New Orleans, I made sure I went to eat in his restaurant. I was seated at the counter where you can watch the staff cook the food (which was amazing) and at one point, who sticks his head out from around the corner? EMIRIL! He made eye contact with me, said hello, I said hello, and then he was gone. I told my waiter about that, and he told me that he was surprised because he almost never stops in. I looked at the seat next to me, put my hand on it and said, "I know that was you".

I loved reading this!  I'd also visited New Orleans with my Patrick and we must have eaten our way through - lol! 

How awesome that you met Emeril!!!  That was definitely a "Wink!"

Your comment about putting your hand on the seat next to yours and saying "I know that was you" also strikes a chord with me, as I often say that when something out of the ordinary occurs.

Wishing you Peace and many, many wonderful memories and "Winks!"

I haven't had anything other than appearances in a dream, and then only a couple of times in the first few months.  I wouldn't mind more!

Last night, though, a huge thunderstorm blew up.  Ron LOVED thunderstorms.  He'd always go out on the enclosed porch and watch them with a smile on his face.  So, even though it was almost 11 PM and I'd had a hectic day, I went out on the porch and watched the storm raging over the lake.  It was almost as if he were there beside me.  That's a gift he left with me- I'll never be able to experience a thunderstorm without thinking of him.

Truly a gift, Athena 53.  I share your Ron's love of thunderstorms.

Like yourself, I've had dream appearances - more so in the early days.  And, I also wouldn't mind more!

Wishing you a beautiful day!

Every morning I go out and cut a fresh iris bloom and place it in the vase i have sitting next to my wife's urn, sitting on our mantel. Yesterday I looked out and all the iris blooms were gone due to a bad thunderstorm we had during the night. I felt like my heart had shattered again. I need to have a fresh flower next to her all the time. When I walked into the house I looked down and saw a bloom from her clematis, which has gone crazy with blooms this year. I know I didn't accidentally brought one in on my feet. I went out and cut several blooms off her clematis vine, and put them in the vase. Those blooms are still just as beautiful as they were when I cut them. I feel that she was telling me, don't cut my iris, used the clematis blooms.which happen to be one of her most favorite colors.
I feel her around me, I hope that feeling never goes away.

That is beautiful DaninKansasCity,

Keep your heart full and your mind open, and you'll be amazed at just how many Winks you will notice.

Thus far, it's been 3 years and 3 months since I lost my Patrick.  I continue to love him with all my heart and carry him wherever I go.  I don't expect that to ever go away.

There is a particular poem by e.e.Cummings that I like called "I carry you in my heart."  I've attached it below in case you'd like to read it and I hope that it brings you comfort.

Wishing you a beautiful day.


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