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In the early stages of my grief, I was wandering around in a trance-like fog simply feeling lost and pretty destroyed as a result of losing my husband.  It was as if I died with him but I was left behind.

During this time, I was scouting the bargain racks at a neighborhood Barnes and Noble and saw a book called, When God Winks at You:  How The Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life.  I read the first story and it peaked my curiosity, so I bought it (see below).  Soon thereafter, I started to experience what I felt were potentially messages from my husband. 

For example, I was walking back home from the market one day, I came across an advertisement for a TV program called, "Did I really die?"  When I saw it, I whispered under my breath, "Yeah sweetie, you really did."  Another time, I was walking home from a Home Depot, and saw two large smiley type faces drawn in chalk on a wall.  One read, "Hello Grumpy" and the other read, "Be Happy."  There was a time when my husband did something that annoyed me and he walked over and  said the words, "Hello Grumpy" to me to make me smile.  Coincidences, perhaps, and some were less subtle than others but those "coincidences" meant something to me specifically.

So, I'm curious, have you experienced any Winks? 

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Recent replies are striking me as a little insensitive and unkind.

Sharing experiences and beliefs without imposing them on others is harmless and merely sharing.  If you believe that cardinal is a greeting from someone whom you are "grieving," I think that is wonderful and I hope that you continue to receive those wonderful messages that make you feel good.

There are enough people in this world who go out of their way to make others feel bad. 

I've had more than winks. I've had actual visitations and manifestations that are explained by nothing else. So don't tell me that I am being insensitive. But if I believed that if the cardinal building a nest with his mate in my house e gutters is my husband, well, that would not be a comforting thought, now, would it?


I think it is wonderful that you've had  visitations/manifestations and would never think of minimizing their validity or criticize them in any way.  I also believe that there are things that are explained by nothing else.

If I misread your response, which simply struck me as minimizing someone else's belief or experience, then you have my genuine apologies. 

Thank you for speaking up about the replies. I'm still learning how this site works and didn't know I had received such judgemental replies. I hope this forum is one of support and not judgement.

Please stick with us, Jules; you will find good support here. Every now and then someone may post a comment that feels rather judgmental. May I suggest you try to just overlook it, if possible, and you'll find someone else will step in to support you, as demonstrated here. We are all allowed our own beliefs and since we're in various stages of our grief this isn't a space where we should have to get into a debate.

I find hearts in all sorts of places and feel they are signs from my guy. Others could poo-poo that and suggest I'm finding them only because I'm looking for them. No way to prove either viewpoint.  But to me, they are little reminders of our love and I find great comfort in believing he places them in my path.


Thank you for the important reminder that everyone is in different places in their grief. I keep reminding myself of this as I get angry that my step-son didn't want any of his Papa's clothes, or that my husband's family can't/won't/doesn't know how to reminisce with me about their brother.

Just this morning, I remembered that even in his darkest days, my husband would play a game with our dog, asking him "Where's mama?" Occasionally Niko would look at me and my husband was sure he had trained Niko to understand who 'mama" was! Brought a smile to my face! :)

Definitely a good reminder.  I am more forgiving these days, particularly with family members who grieve "differently."  We are all on journeys that are very unique to each of us and there is truly no map.  We learn as we go along and pick up lessons along the way.

Human nature sometimes makes it difficult for us to "hold our tongues" or "bite our lips" (or fingers) when reacting to unkind remarks and actions.  In hindsight, we remember the uniqueness of our journeys, reel it in once more and then simply "let it go."

Imagine you are walking barefoot on a path and you see a shard of glass on one side and a soft clear path on the other. One can choose to step on the glass and sustain injury, or choose the clear path and move forward.

Wishing you peace, courage and strength on your journey.

Hi Jules,

Dianne's response was not only well-spoken but well-said.  Overlook the judgmental commentary - this forum is chock full of supportive, individuals that will help you find comfort when it is most needed.

I am also fortunate to find many signs and experiences that spark a memory/coincidence or "Winks" from my husband and I treasure each and every one.

Wishing you peace, courage and strength in your journey.

Thank you Nieta!

Hi Jules and Nieta, and everyone. Personally, I am not a huge internet, computer person. I got left way behind, being out of the work force for so many years, when Mike passed, then for yrs after it was all i could do to keep my life going, never mind learn computers, lingo, figure out what tweet, facebook, instagram, texting, blogs, postings, so on, it was all foreign to me. When i found WV in late 2010, i found it so comforting, however had to learn how to use website, find what i was looking for, so on.
When i joined the "live chat" had to teach myself how to use, through trial and error. Then through a bunch of mistakes, and errors, had to learn ettiquette, and learning how to not come across as a jerk, or incensitive in my posts. As an example, seeing someone online in chat room, that i had long term, communications with, shared a great deal, and when i got on, i said, " hi mrs smith" (fake name) "How are you doing today"? Her response was completely shocking to me. She let loose with things like "what kind of stupid question is that"? "Are you an idiot"? "This is a grief website, how do you think im doing"? Lol. It really hurt my feelings, i never meant to sound callas or cold, or not like i knew where we were, i was in same boat. I simply cared about her and wanted to know if today was a really horrific day, or if it was a bit better, as she had shared with me prior, somedays ok some not. That comment caused me to really avoid the chat area for quite sometime, it scared me that i really didnt know what i was doing, i didnt want to hurt anyone, or be insensitive just was trying to connect with her. I also wrote a brutally honest post quite awhile ago, regarding my 30+ yrs with my partner, i loved him so much, still do, but the post was more about anger i carried, over finding out after his passing, that he was secretly abusing drugs again, through his cancer treatment, how it hurt me, to discover this, and my process of forgiving him, so on. I recd many lovely replies, but one petson in particular made it their goal to somewhat chastize me for putting up with his episodes of drug abuse, i should have expected that, and maybe he would have still been here, if i had made different decisions in the past. My point here is that when I post things on here, i have learned to just appreciate the things, i relate to, and to try not to judge, or call into question, the replies i get that seem off color to me. Everyone has to deal with this process in their own way, its a public forum, and when i get a note from someone, that i dont register a good feeling about, i just think to myself, i dont know their circumstance, maybe they didnt mean it the way i interpreted it, and i now just let it go. Its part of the public forum process to me. I have shared prior in this post, that im gratefull for the signs, winks, feelings of warmth, i have recd in my past from loved ones that have passed on. But everyone has the right to feel that they dont receive that, or get that or believe in that. Or their experience is different. Just my 2cents, hoping to help.

Hi Steve. Sorry you had that happen to you. I hope at some point you come back into chat as I remember chatting with you when you first came on and it came across as a caring person and someone who was grieving. We have a great group of people there and show love and support. I've learned that judging others says more abut the person doing the judging than the person they are judging. 


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